Take a chill pill !

  Fragrant respite showered from this blooming Champa tree, a sign that God loves me  

As I write this, my ego is HUGELY bruised. There can't be bigger dent to your ego than your heart feeling like a sixteen year old but your body not cooperating, rebelling and forcing you to slow down as it needs some repair and time to get in perfect harmony with your mind and soul! Call it self-imposed punishment for all the abuse I inflict upon myself by ignoring warning signs of pains and aches of fatigue that emerge from every single cell of my body, threatening to revolt from time to time. There is a continuous struggle between my heart and spirit trying to seduce me to go back to zillion things that I love doing and my body, that fails to keep up with its pace. 

I had appointment with my doctor last week. After the reports and medicines were discussed, the doctor suggested, I take a break for few days and relax as he felt I am "too stressed". Well, taking few days off isn't that easy at this stage but working on my stress level certainly is. I am consciously trying to slow down, take things little easy these days. It is surprising sometimes how easily I fall in trap of being stressed out by things that don't really matter!

A few hours before I started writing this article; I was playing events of the whole day, in my mind in attempt to figure out the problem areas causing me stress. Contemplating on a few situations/incidents of the day and the way I reacted which resulted in to unnecessary stress, negativity and anxiety, is quite an eye opener. Honestly, I am shocked with the revelation! As I sit here, actually at the end of the day, thinking about all that happened during whole day, I wonder what REALLY matters at this very point? When I think about the incidents with calm mind now, I feel I could have easily avoided so much negativity and stress. And it was not at all difficult!

One of our maids had arrived pretty late in morning and my blood started brewing thinking about how the whole schedule would get messed up causing delay that was entirely avoidable. No exchange of words occurred between me and the staff but my body language conveyed how mad I was and that created cold vibes.     

While heading for some work, I was stuck in mad traffic, cursing my past life karma and seriously contemplating if there was any possibility of atonement. There was this man in his SUV who kept on honking while trying to cut my lane creating quite a chaos in the traffic and when I didn't allow that to happen as it would have caused accident, he used some fowl words and showed his middle finger. "Bloody jerk!" was my instant reaction and the rage I felt for being abused stayed inside me for quite some time causing me unnecessary anger.

During a telephonic conversation with a nasty relative which was a social obligation, the lady , true to her image, managed to say sick things that pained me deeply. I was furious while watching her stoop to such low level without having any regard for kindness and respect being extended by me without her having actually earned it! 

My mother in law had sent a box of sweet and I gorged on it and just when I was enjoying the experience thoroughly, I went on the guilt ride, (How on earth could you eat those calorie bombs Simi? What a shameless creature"!) When I counted the calories consumed, I was almost in tears.

In the evening, hubby's message announced that he was going to get some guests over for supper. The mind went in "crisis" mode as the message meant changing plans to accommodate five additional people. Of course, the guests left happy as they were taken care of very well and pampered but at the end of the day I was left exhausted.

What was the outcome of all the "stressful" events during the day? Well, the maid came late but the work was done neatly, just the way it is done every day, on time. The "bloody jerk" did manage to irritate quite a few people and I am sure at one of the traffic signals he would have been noticed by the police and hopefully fined for his erratic driving. The extra calories that I consumed from the sweet box were taken care of by little extra rigorous walk in the evening. The guests left happy and though I was really tired, there was great contentment in being a good host and being appreciated for the food prepared by me.

Irrespective of what all happened during the day, at this point what matters is, that I woke up this beautiful morning with a smile, in my hubby’s arms.  We had those precious, silent ten minutes that we share every morning, while having tea before rushing for our respective crazy schedules.

What really counts is that my son gave me a nice hug the moment he returned from college and shared some amazing experiences he had during the whole day. What matters is that he could read my face and knew something was bothering me and in his usual, pampering way told me , "take a chill pill, Mom!"  

What counts is, despite all the “irritants’ faced during the day, I enjoyed reading, watched my favourite programme on Discovery channel, walk for one hour and feel great about it!

What matters is, that I had a brief but stimulating conversation with a perfect stranger while heading for a meeting.

On this hot day, while waiting for my car to arrive, a few Champa flowers fell near me showering its magical fragrance, perhaps an indication from God that in spite of all the things that were creating stress, he was there looking after me!

Now, when I look back, I realize, I felt loved, wanted and deeply cared for so many times during the day. Then why that unnecessary stress ? Maybe I did not meet any deadline or achieve anything “great” but I had some amazingly significant moments and if I were to remember this day, only those moments would really matter.

Life is not fair sometimes and I have no control over how other people will behave or some situations will unfold.  All I can do is be wise in the way I look at things and respond with maturity and understanding. Honestly, at the end of the day, no situation or people no matter how hard are worth losing my peace of mind. It is time to take life head on, without losing balance. I have realized, each moment is too precious and short to waste on events/people that don't matter. And I know that remembering this and implementing it is going to be a continuous process. 

Its high time I take a chill pill!