Day before yesterday, I paid visit to a hospital to see a relative who has undergone a major surgery recently. When I entered the room, I was startled by what was going on there! There was a group of about six people busy in a heated discussion about how other hospital would have been a better option for the surgery. On the bed lay the patient; my hubby's cousin's wife, in deep pain. Hubby's cousin looked exhausted with all the conversations, formalities and phone calls that never stopped coming!
When the doctor arrived for the routine check, the guests in the room bombarded him with lot of queries. And when he politely declined to answer most of the questions, they felt humiliated. Once, the doctor left, people started accusing him of being rude at top of their voice. The discussion then flowed from latest movies to fashion, to politics and even the good food items in the hospital canteen. Finally, those people left, but not before giving my sister in law repeated advice on "dos" and "don'ts" of post-operative care. When I got a few minutes alone with my sister in law and brother in law, he requested me to send messages to some of our relatives and convey some of their neighbours and friends to refrain from calling him except for the visiting hours as he wished to be with his wife whole day, without being disturbed. He was in bad shape due to all the physical and emotional exertion and tired of discussing same details with every person that called or paid visit. I left the hospital bit saddened by what I had seen.
I don't like visiting hospitals as I have some painful memories of my mother associated with it. In last few years I have seen different perspectives of life at the hospital and I know how difficult it is for close family of the patient to deal with the emotional trauma and all that it entails. In India, visiting unwell people is utmost social obligation and people go out of their way to extend the support. Sadly, sometimes the good intentions fail to translate into behaviour that can be considered as supportive. We all need social support and there is no doubt we can ever survive without it but it is very crucial to know when and how it should be extended. I have realized there are few simple things which if observed can make a lot of difference to patient, his family and people wishing to reach out and support in such difficult times.
1) If any of your family member is going to be hospitalized, please assign the job of answering all the phone calls to a close member of the family. That way, the main focus remains on the patient and friends, family and neighbours who wish to extend any help know about the status of the patient and can decide and distribute work as per need.
2) If you don't wish to have visitors, please convey the message well in advance. In India, people go out of their way to fulfill this utmost social obligation. Sometimes, in city like Mumbai, people travel long distances to see people admitted to hospital. Often, senior members are more concerned and insist on seeing the patient despite their own health issues. Talk to them in advance and plan a day for their visit after the patient is discharged and is in little better condition.
3) If you are visiting anyone at hospital, please inform the concerned people and remember that the purpose of the visit is to show your care. Nobody is interested in knowing about your latest acquisition, stock price or your own health issues. Check if there is anything that needs to be done for the patient. Do it if it is possible for you. There are no brownie points to be won or lost in it.
4) Wearing loud fragrances is a strict NO. Hospitals are places where one has to be extremely careful about such things. Many people are allergic to certain fragrances and it can create some serious issues for certain patients.
5) Hospitals are not places to party. Keep your conversations relevant and your visit brief.
6) Ideally, when you visit hospitals, your mobile should be on silent mode. Talking on mobile loudly and making whole world listen to your conversation should be avoided.
7) Doctors visiting patients are NOT obliged to answer all the questions from the visitors, even if your patient is admitted to VVIP room. Doctors have many other patients who need monitoring from them.
8) If you have to admit member of a family in emergency, please allow the hospital staff to decide the priority of your emergency case. Don't create a scene if your patient is not attended for some time. Doctors are trained to deal with medical emergencies hence have faith in them.
9) Reaching out need not always mean visiting unwell people in hospital. Sometimes, once the patient is discharged, there are many things that need to be done for the patient at home. Check if you can play any role in it.
10) Your visit at hospital should leave a smile on patient's face and the patient and his family should feel good about your visit. Try to spread a smile or two and stay away from any form of negativity.
1) If any of your family member is going to be hospitalized, please assign the job of answering all the phone calls to a close member of the family. That way, the main focus remains on the patient and friends, family and neighbours who wish to extend any help know about the status of the patient and can decide and distribute work as per need.
2) If you don't wish to have visitors, please convey the message well in advance. In India, people go out of their way to fulfill this utmost social obligation. Sometimes, in city like Mumbai, people travel long distances to see people admitted to hospital. Often, senior members are more concerned and insist on seeing the patient despite their own health issues. Talk to them in advance and plan a day for their visit after the patient is discharged and is in little better condition.
3) If you are visiting anyone at hospital, please inform the concerned people and remember that the purpose of the visit is to show your care. Nobody is interested in knowing about your latest acquisition, stock price or your own health issues. Check if there is anything that needs to be done for the patient. Do it if it is possible for you. There are no brownie points to be won or lost in it.
4) Wearing loud fragrances is a strict NO. Hospitals are places where one has to be extremely careful about such things. Many people are allergic to certain fragrances and it can create some serious issues for certain patients.
5) Hospitals are not places to party. Keep your conversations relevant and your visit brief.
6) Ideally, when you visit hospitals, your mobile should be on silent mode. Talking on mobile loudly and making whole world listen to your conversation should be avoided.
7) Doctors visiting patients are NOT obliged to answer all the questions from the visitors, even if your patient is admitted to VVIP room. Doctors have many other patients who need monitoring from them.
8) If you have to admit member of a family in emergency, please allow the hospital staff to decide the priority of your emergency case. Don't create a scene if your patient is not attended for some time. Doctors are trained to deal with medical emergencies hence have faith in them.
9) Reaching out need not always mean visiting unwell people in hospital. Sometimes, once the patient is discharged, there are many things that need to be done for the patient at home. Check if you can play any role in it.
10) Your visit at hospital should leave a smile on patient's face and the patient and his family should feel good about your visit. Try to spread a smile or two and stay away from any form of negativity.
