I returned home this morning and am feeling bit rung out of energy. My body is tired and uncooperative to my will. My mind is constantly reiterating on doing double time with me even while I am on verge of collapse any moment! It is a very peculiar feeling to be physically exhausted, emotionally drained and yet your mind wanting to work relentlessly. While my body and mind struggle to have a compatible, synchronized rhythm, there is a quiet riot in my heart.
It is strange how death makes us see facets of life that we tend to ignore unknowingly. It is almost two weeks since my father passed away. Prayers and condolences are starting to wither slowly. Grief is a long, painful process and every individual with uniquely different personality, experiences, expresses and copes with it so differently. I have noticed a strange, subtle change in relationships within my family during this period of mourning. Death makes us bare. It makes us see our own self and the people around us much clearly.
After my father's sad demise, a few incidents have bruised me deeply questioning the very basis of relationships within family and outside it. Having gone through whole plethora of emotions that have surrounded me in past two weeks, a few emotions have seeped in through cracks in heart and soul, perhaps created unknowingly, have posed very compelling questions about whom should we consider as family really?
After my father's sad demise, a few incidents have bruised me deeply questioning the very basis of relationships within family and outside it. Having gone through whole plethora of emotions that have surrounded me in past two weeks, a few emotions have seeped in through cracks in heart and soul, perhaps created unknowingly, have posed very compelling questions about whom should we consider as family really?
Yesterday evening, before I left for Bombay, I gathered care takers of my parental home and thanked the staff for their exemplary service; especially for last five years when it was most trying time for them due to my mother's health issues. Two of the staff members have worked for more than two decades and are part of the family. When I started discussing payments for their work, they were in tears saying most profound words that I have ever heard in my life. I must add, all of them are uneducated and yet every word they uttered came from bottom of their clean hearts and personal ethics!
On other hand, soon after my father's funeral, some close members of the extended family seemed more interested in knowing about his will. Some relatives made claims to my father's collection of rare books which he had so painstakingly created and some asked insensitive questions without slightest of consideration to the fact that we were mourning. I am amazed at people's capacity to be so shockingly cruel. In some people, it comes across as terminal illness that has become core of their DNA. How else can one explain someone making loud proclamations about being spiritual and having great value system in place, being so desperate to learn about my father's likely inheritance without iota of shame or guilt! Interestingly, despite being given several hints to stay away from intrusion the concerned people conveniently ignored the hints and went on as if it was their right!
Not many honour life but when people fail to honour death and disregard decorum and sanctity that death naturally commands, something within snaps instantly with the realization that numbs you. When the very premise of a relationship is greed or any other concealed motive, it is dangerous to count on such relationship. Sad, we realize it too late sometimes!
On other hand, soon after my father's funeral, some close members of the extended family seemed more interested in knowing about his will. Some relatives made claims to my father's collection of rare books which he had so painstakingly created and some asked insensitive questions without slightest of consideration to the fact that we were mourning. I am amazed at people's capacity to be so shockingly cruel. In some people, it comes across as terminal illness that has become core of their DNA. How else can one explain someone making loud proclamations about being spiritual and having great value system in place, being so desperate to learn about my father's likely inheritance without iota of shame or guilt! Interestingly, despite being given several hints to stay away from intrusion the concerned people conveniently ignored the hints and went on as if it was their right!
Not many honour life but when people fail to honour death and disregard decorum and sanctity that death naturally commands, something within snaps instantly with the realization that numbs you. When the very premise of a relationship is greed or any other concealed motive, it is dangerous to count on such relationship. Sad, we realize it too late sometimes!
