New beginnings

It is late at night as I write this post. I am past two cups of coffee after tossing and struggling endlessly to get some sleep. The quiet breeze, aroma of flowers from the potted plants and random, fleeting music of rustling of leaves from the garden keep me company. A distant sound of a plane flying high is very comforting noise; a raucous sound that strangely holds its own rhythm and breaks the silence and stillness of my house that has comfortably slipped into quiet of night.

From across the room wafts remnant of magical fragrance of Amber incense that has long been burnt. I see the calendar next to it and realize, the year is coming to end. The world seems to be going bonkers as if in hurry to be done with last few days, eagerly awaiting the fresh start. It may sound bizarre but I like the way this sense of anticipation fills our hearts with hope!

2018 has passed in a jiffy and as it hurtles to close, I look back and realize this year has been truly amazing and I feel immensely blessed and grateful. The best thing to happen for me was joining post graduate P.G. Diploma course in Indian Aesthetics that has opened up new vistas of learning for me. 

It was a year of potpourri of experiences; fulfilled dreams, achievements, great learning, contentment, pursuit of my passions, forming deeper bonds, creating beautiful memories, friendships, soulful conversations, some travel, frayed nerves, unspoken aspirations, dormant desires, things to do list; part of which still remains incomplete and so many other things that made me whiz around in zillion directions with its cadence. No,I am not complaining as I have learnt great deal about myself and have become more accepting of my limitations and vulnerabilities and life in general.  

The midyear saw me undergo a surgery that left me almost inactive for few months. Some health issues still continue to threaten to take wind out of my sails but the midyear sulk months almost seem a good distance away now. And as I write this post, I am in happy space, all charged up to welcome what 2019 has in store for me. 

I have been in stupor of sorts for past few months, enchanted by life and the road it took me on. But contrary to what is evident on this blog, I have been writing regularly and intend to share all that and more on this blog henceforth.    

Here is wishing you all a happy New Year 2019 in advance! Let the party begin! :) 

Taking a step back

As I write this article sitting near my window occasionally looking out at the sky and outside world, the day looks neither bright nor gloomy but is soaked in a blue grey tint.  My mind wavers at the thought of mango pickle kept in balcony for sun bath. The light is not ideal. I run and bring back the pickle in the house. Just when I try to start writing again, the bell rings. Courier has arrived. I am about to close the door when the neighbour catches me and seems keen to update me with gossip. I silently pray the Universe for rescue and like always, it obliges. My cell phone rings. I make a sorry face and excuse myself. On the phone is my aunt in law who demands to know why I have disappeared from the social scene completely! 

You get the drift. 

Life has been harried on personal and professional front with zillion things demanding my time, attention and energy.  Past few months have been like running life on "auto pilot" mode, mechanically as if running after some insatiable chase moving like an addict into unheard, unseen rhythm of uncontrolled chaos! The impact shows in the way every single cell of my body protests for the torture I inflict upon it time to time. The fatigue is not only physical but emotional and psychological too.

I realize, it is time to cut off completely from frazzled routine and grasp at something real, spend time with myself or perhaps do nothing! Maybe just enjoy the incorrigible, idle inertia and be present in the moment. Maybe it is time to have a quiet dialogue with life with help of my camera and go for shoots. Or maybe write all those stories brimming in my head but somehow never find a way to this blog. 

Being a person who thrives in urban, metropolitan chaos it is a great reward to find time just for myself. I love to shut myself from outside world and be happy with my cave like world; a womb of complete peace, a sacred space deep inside my cerebrum. 

Sometimes I wonder if there must have been times when we human beings were mightily happy to just sit and be! How many moments during the day do we really feel the stillness to focus on the moment passing by, the present and deeply enjoy it? Exploring alchemy of stillness and its intricacy in otherwise chaotic and often claustrophobic spaces is an art not many of us have mastered and that is certainly what I strive to achieve.

The frenetic cadence of life rarely allows us to see beyond our softly padded walls. But we often find our truth in least expected spaces, in the least imagined ways.

Maybe, I am going through a strange phase these days. I feel irresolute, conflicted, discordant, unmoved, uninspired and sometimes completely overwhelmed by incessant challenges life keeps throwing at me.

There are times when something within compels us to be silent and stay still. Times when we naturally remain withdrawn and just witness the world around us and listen. I believe, when our heart leads us somewhere, it is always for a reason and when the inner core revolts for serious attention, we need to follow and find out the reason behind it. I intend to do just that. It is time I claim myself back!

Finding instant Nirvana by the beach

Sunset hues at Gholwad beach

Treasure trove by the beach at Dahanu beach

Waterlilies at a pond 

Mesmerizing patterns created by sand at Gholwad beach 

Construction of sand castle in progress

Colourful boats by the shore at Gholwad fishing village 

Sunset at Bordi beach 

As I write this article, evening is approaching languidly. The view from my window displays gorgeous Sunset that has started changing palette of summer sky. The day is about to glide into night subtly while the birds return to their nests, singing in gay abandon. From the distance wafts aroma of wet earth mixed with tender mango flowers and all the fatigue after a really long, tiring day vanishes in thin air! I am surprised how I have missed stealing these beautiful moments witnessing this everyday miracle since past few days.

I remember having experienced a sense of relief after the dreaded month of March was over. With naive assumption I expected life to be much smoother with everybody’s schedules much lighter April on-wards. But hubby and son got unusually occupied in their work creating havoc in my schedule and I whirled like dervish in different directions, struggling to manage zillion more things than I usually do to keep the home running, trying to find balance.   

There was this clamouring scream from within to break out from our crazy routines and grasp at semblance of sanity before we all got into stifling “life REALLY sucks” mode.  

Often, the eternal nomad in me emerges very strongly creating revolt when I don’t get to travel due to personal or professional compulsions. I sulk and withdraw completely from world. Fortunately, before I reached that stage, we somehow managed to get an escape from all the chaos.

We drove to Dahanu, Gholwad and Bordi; beautiful, sleepy coastal towns ideal for few days if you love doing absolutely nothing except unwinding and walking by the beach, feel the sand in your bare feet, gathering sea shells, gaze at sky on a starlit night or last loaf of evening Sun creating magical abstracts! After really long time it was lovely to experience silence. It is amazing what all silence can make us listen! We never truly comprehend but there is a beautiful rhythm in silence. And in solitude. It is so important to step back from our frazzled routines and reconnect with our own selves at regular intervals.

Sea, like rain is an addiction for me. I simply love having a quiet dialogue with the waves while entire world is fast asleep, watching myriad colours and moods of morning /evening and realize in those tranquil moments what a divine luxury doing absolutely nothing and being immersed in Nature is!

Sand with dunes, soft peaks or patterns, creating abstract of different dimensions with every passing moment is always mesmerizing. There is something pious about seemingly lifeless sand, whether it is abundant desert sand or at beach. Listening to waves crashing on the shore, watching children building sand castles at the beach with their tiny hands, witnessing sky changing its hues with fading sunlight is sublimely fulfilling!

In those few sacred moments I am invariably always transfixed, misty eyed with mellow opulence, contemplating, witnessing calming of my nerves and invariably always nourished in my body, mind and soul. 

Till the justice is served, few points to ponder ...

I received a message from a facebook friend asking me to change my profile picture and instead leave the display picture box with complete black out as mark of a "movement" to show what world might be without women and protest against abuse and violence women go through. I immediately obliged bit apprehensively though, wondering if it was just tokenism. No problem with that either I thought as long as women show solidarity considering latest gruesome rape and murder cases Indian media has brought light to recently.  A few minutes later I received misogynistic forwards that reflected women in very poor taste from the same friend! 

We are all more fallible than we admit and increasingly in this world of social media where we portray different personas; one that shows our socially caring side, which protests social injustice with unusual vehemence and the other more real one when we slip into easy familiarity of slothful behaviour, we are increasingly being torn apart by these dichotomies within ourselves in conflict and in variance with each other. That deserting bravado one speaks of is when one tries to actually be what one portrays publicly and find that it is tougher than one thinks. (My friend who forwarded those message isn't perhaps aware of contradiction in her behaviour!)  

Past few days have been one of those rare times when most of Indians feel united. United in grief, shock, anguish, frustration and sheer helplessness. The tragic events of gang rape and murder have yet again awakened perpetually neglected issue of crime against women in India. The chilling details of Asifa Bano and Unnao rape and murder cases are painfully shocking and while they might brew our blood, it is important to check if we are teaching our children right values. Rapist are the kind of breed that is product of environment that treats women as commodity; to be used, abused and treat inhumanly without iota of guilt or shame. Such mindsets get nurtured from formative years that deeply ingrain message that women are inferior to men.

My inbox is full with invitations for candle light marches, signature campaigns and a few talks on the subject. Is it enough?  With the way crimes against women are growing, I feel the culture of mass protests doesn't serve much purpose except serving as mere 'feel good factor" in appeasement of our collective conscience. Any means of protest has to be used appropriately to hold potency to provoke discourse and bring the necessary change. 

One doesn't need to explore in to the interiors of the country to realize that caveman's mentality is still intact and the balance of power is off in our regressive, patriarchal society, even in the urban cities amidst our homes and work places. We need to ask tough questions about what are we doing to educate and change deeply ingrained conditioning that leads to discrimination and gender bias? 

Gender politics and the comprehension of equality and humanism needs to be addressed urgently today. But, changing reality needs changing mindsets, attitudes and behaviour.

There is dire need to integrate the voices that reflect our ground realities and raise the issues to local, national and global level, to the extent that they become movements, helping harness influence over policy/decision makers and protect womens' rights. Unless we make a conscious effort to work towards making each day count in working towards bringing necessary change, the dangerous disconnect will continue to erode our social fabric. Can we afford it as society? If not, what are we doing about it? 

Why the mindless charade !?

"Phenomenal woman" by Maya Angelou, picture courtesy, google 

Last week was that time of the year when world once again woke up to the realization that women are indeed God's greatest gifts to humanity! A week prior to the International Womens' day and my phone started buzzing with calls and messages with "special offers", invitations for Arts performances, talks, rallies, networking events, conferences and marches for the "special day". As the day neared, the intensity and number of "woman empowerment", "proud to be woman" messages began to swell driving me absolutely nuts with irony of the whole charade! So many of those messages were from people who keep forwarding regressive, misogynistic, sexist, offensive, distasteful messages masquerading as jokes. 

The work places were not far behind! The flowers and balloons decoration, the roses, chocolates and cards and "special celebration parties" for women employees with free stalls for mehendi, makeup, fashion shows and talks on "women oriented" topics is how Womens' day summed up for most working women. Of course, a few, truly meaningful workshops/talks were organized too by many corporate companies/cultural institutes but those were restricted to the elite/select few. By large, the "Women's day" celebrations remained more like fun/party time. And that made me wonder what the hallabaloo was about really! What is the point of celebrating a day without participation of women whose voices need to be heard? How can we expect to change our social landscape unless women who matter are not part of dialogue? 

I happened to be at a movie theatre at the mall on 8th March and when I greeted security women for the "Womens' day", their response was surprisingly indifferent. I am sure for many women like them the day was just like any other. How do we address the real issues of women with such dichotomies existing almost in all spheres of life? 

Don't get me wrong. I am all for celebration, gender equality and women empowerment. My problem is diluting purpose of the day to nothing more than sheer tokenism. It doesn't serve much purpose except granting 'feel good factor" for our collective conscience. A day that has garnered immense significance in the human history calls for critical planning, commitment and sharp focus on gender parity, addressing issues of gender politics, discrimination and danger faced by women world over. 

Every single day we read about inhuman acts of sexual perversion, abuse, kidnapping, rape, incest, burning, acid attacks, dowry deaths, and so many gruesome acts of oppression of women, across all categories and class that such news sound very routine.

We don't like to admit openly but the truth of our social reality is in female infanticides being devoured by sewage from rural as well as global metro cities. Our reality is in charred bodies in dowry and tandoor deaths. Our reality is, painfully disturbing rotting stench of female foetus and the hanged bodies of "honour killings". Of course, gender politics and the comprehension of equality and humanism needs to be addressed urgently today. But, changing reality needs changing mindsets, attitudes and behaviour.

  

One doesn't need to explore in to the interiors of the country to realize that caveman's mentality is still intact and the balance of power is off in our regressive, patriarchal society, even in the urban cities amidst our homes and work places. We need to ask tough questions about what are we doing to educate and change deeply ingrained conditioning that leads to discrimination and gender bias? 

There is dire need to integrate the voices that reflect our ground realities and raise the issues to local, national and global level, to the extent that they become movements, helping harness influence over policy/decision makers and protect womens' rights.  Unless we make a conscious effort to work towards making each day count as womens' day, the dangerous disconnect will continue to erode our social fabric. 

There is no point in making chest thumping proclamations about women empowerment. Let it reflect in our actions in our homes, immediate social circles and work places. Let those efforts build each other and if that truly happens, each day will be a celebration! 

Summer is almost here !

These days temperature in Bombay is peaking like never before and so is the compulsive habit of everyone fuming and fretting over it. It is that time of the year when every conversation; even one with perfect stranger is incomplete without mentioning how worst is yet to come from dreadful months ahead. 

Last week, while taking a stroll in our compound, I noticed fresh, tender shoots on mango, coconut, jackfruit and badam trees flourishing on every branch and the sight was sheer delight! Have you ever waited for summer just to have that divine aroma of fresh mango flowers bursting from the tree? 

These days, the cuckoo and other birds staying on the tree next to my window ensure I wake up before my usual time. As much as I would love to stay bit longer in bed before embracing the frenzied cadence of the day, it is impossible to ignore cuckoo's full throttled renditions very early in mornings. Albeit, the best part is being able to sink in  those sacred moments while the world is still asleep and getting to inhale heavenly fragrance of summer blooms wafting from my potted plants and garden while witnessing first rays of Sun splitting in to light announcing the new day. 

There is something inherently beautiful about the way summer smells and feels around this time of the year!  The other day I saw a pair of school girls; their oiled hair tied up in bright red ribbons, suddenly burst out of their school compound creating quite a stir with continuous stream of excited chatter as they flit from group to group discussing exam paper they had just attempted. They reminded me of swarm of butterflies joyous on a bright summer day, spreading pollen of good cheer. The sight made me miss simplicity of life that went by. Unlike the childhood, these days summer is perceived in completely different way. The hype around summer finds precedence over the scorching heat declaring arrival of season. Suddenly everything is buzzing with summer camps, summer holidays, summer special hobbies, summer fashion, summer jobs, summer workouts, summer diets and endless blah around it!

In my childhood, summer meant loads of fun and frolic, playing endlessly or doing absolutely nothing, spending the season without being spent and life less complicated. It meant family gatherings with more life and living languidly than doing. Summer always brought in joy of sleeping on terrace and falling asleep while counting stars with wide eyed wonder!  

Summer meant quenching thirst from earthen pot, having endless glasses of sugarcane juice, aam panha, lassi or shikanji freshly made at home. Summer in childhood meant lusting for burf ka gola (ice slush)/ice cream/ kulfi on a hot afternoon in cool environs of vetiver roots (khus) curtains, immersed with heady concoction of fragrance of freshly plucked Mogra and Jasmine from the garden.

Sometimes, I wonder when did I grow old to fear those bright colourful bottles at the "golawala" cart or freak and screw my nose at sight of "kulfiwala" carts that are common sights in some old part of the city. Life was much simpler when these things were part of fearless childhood. There was no worry of infections and nothing to worry about talking to strangers.

Yeah, summer is slowly arriving with scorching heat. The palette of the season is slowly changing bringing canvas with new energy, force, vigour in form of bright colours strewn everywhere. One just needs to look outside window to bask in its rugged beauty.  peaking like never before and so is the compulsive habit of everyone fuming and fretting in unison over it. It is that time of the year when every conversation; even the brief one with perfect strangers is incomplete without mentioning how worst is yet to come from the dreadful months ahead. Like a trueMumbaikar, I too am obsessed with the heat and humidity and freak every time I need to go out

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Call of Pondicherry, my soul home!

Have you ever experienced deep longing for a place/places that calls you? You don't know the reason behind that intense desire, have never been to that place but feel as if you belong there and are so restless that you HAVE to visit that place. And when you do, you feel like you have arrived home! May be, that yearning is part of our spiritual journey or growth and sometimes it takes nomadic form literally and figuratively!  

I have had this strange fascination for Pondicherry since I was in my teens. It started with me accompanying my cousin for Yoga class during summer vacation and my mother for lectures at Sri Arvind Ashram, Baroda. The serenity of the Ashram and beauty of its garden with abundant flowers used to be such allure! My mother, an avid reader, introduced me to the books from ashram and I gradually started getting interested albeit, struggling from time to time for understanding books that were far too "serious" for my age.

People close to me have known about my longing for Pondicherry and have also sometimes made fun of my obsession and wish to leave everything and settle in Pondicherry! Yeah, it has been one of the craziest yearnings I have had in my life! 

After decades of waiting, my dream came true few days back when hubby decided to give a pleasant surprise by taking me there. The trip to Pondicherry was revelation! 

There is something in the air of charming, quaint town of Pondicherry that seems like stuck in a time warp that inspires and awakens creativity! The charm of beautiful beaches, delectable food, bright yellow walls, arched gates with bougainvillea of stunningly picturesque French architecture heritage bungalows and cottages, that are confluence of different cultures, Pondicherry grows on you and the experience is surreal.

There are many things to explore in Pondicherry but I was keen to follow my heart and its calling so we spent all our time visiting Auroville and Sri Aurobindo Ashram; the abodes of spiritual experiences. 

Auroville is a communion; a microcosm where there is no such thing as religion, race, caste and creed. The aim is to live in harmony. My wish to go for meditation at Matri Mandir remained unfulfilled due to lack of time but visit to exhibition and long walks to Matri Mandir was experience difficult to comprehend in words.

Spending time in complete silence at Sri Aurobindo Ashram, a spiritual community in the heart of French quarters, was divine experience!  The amazing display of exotic flowers added to the pious aura of the place. The tranquility of the Ashram calmed all the neurosis and I returned blissful, deeply cleansed in body, mind and soul! 
  

Outside a heritage bungalow in White town, Pondicherry 

A quintessential French architecture in White town, Pondicherry 

Children waiting for their performance of chanting from Vedas at Alliance française de Pondichéry 

Motto of Auroville 

Philosophy of work as "yoga"  

The Auroville symbol

The beautiful paradise beach where one can see different hues of green and blue in waves! 

Matri Mandir, at Auroville 

The handicrafts shop at Aurovile

Experience the moment don't just click it!

Sunset at Gholwad beach, picture taken during holidays 

I was walking at the beach by dusk, soaking in luminous glow of Sun rays that changed canvas of everything around me! The photographer in me wished to take picture instantly. Instead, I chose not to and just stood there, transfixed; taking deep breaths, trying to be in that moment completely, letting the overwhelming beauty sink in. On my return, I felt calmer and nourished in every single cell of my body! 

Being a person who thrives in urban, metropolitan chaos, it is such a respite to find some time just by myself! I crave for complete isolation shutting myself to the outside world, being content with my cave like world; a womb of complete peace. No cell phone, television, camera, music or even books and absolutely no interaction with anyone! Yes, I long for such sacred moments of deep rooted piety as they hold me silent, transformed and tuned with myself in some magical space. 

With our fast-paced, multitasking, day to day lives, it is easy to get swayed in the chaos and miss out on observing/experiencing certain things completely unless we inculcate a conscious habit to take a mental note. We live mechanically, on an "automatic" mode, barely noticing anything, possessed by never ending "things to do/achieve" and constantly on the go. 

The times we live in has made the whole world accessible 24/7. It is amazing how life has become so much convenient with staying connected to anyone and everyone round the clock. The lure of virtual world is in freedom to involve at our discretion. A "like", a "poke" or a simple 140 characters of tweet is more than sufficient communication. We tend to forget there is simple, beautiful, REAL world beneath what our gadgets bring!  

Research says, our life seems more meaningful when we pause to savour certain moments/experiences. Savouring need not necessarily be limited to our best, happy moments/experiences. It could be moments when we feel upset, exhausted, dazed, lonely, depressed, stressed or even when we grieve. To pause and watch how those emotions feel and what reaction they evoke in our body and mind and understand the impact they have on us is also understanding ourselves well and in a way honouring life! 

Coming back to my walk at the beach at dusk, yeah, that picture of natural scene would have really looked cool on my facebook page and earned great admiration too but experiencing Nature first hand was awe inspiring, majestic and absolutely divine! And there is no gadget on earth no matter how smart that can substitute authentic experience of life. I am glad I did not take picture of that glorious Sunset and what I experienced by being present in the moment completely was a perfect balm for my jaded soul. It was a way of wakening, a moment of epiphany!