This morning, I had a long conversation with a friend of mine who was very upset over an incident. One of her acquaintances met her recently and asked her, "no offense but have you got tummy tuck/ body contouring done? You have always been fat but now your body looks far too perfect! And as far as I know, you neither have healthy food habits nor do any exercise!"
Unfortunately, when this insensitive remark was passed, there were half a dozen people present, as my friend was at her daughter's school with other parents. Obviously, she was fuming with rage. Luckily, at the end of our conversation and a long bitching session, we laughed our hearts out and her anger and resentment seemed to have diffused to some extent.
Have you ever noticed, people using terms like, "no offense, but...","don't mind", "don't take it seriously" "just kidding" etc. always invariably end up saying something offensive as if trying to conceal their true motives, thoughts?
Most of the times, one ignores these phrases as they seem like good-natured gibe, fairly harmless, little jabs that are not supposed to leave a mark or hurt anyone if the intent behind the use is evident. But many times these terms are used to say something mean and still appear innocent and honest. People certainly seem to think they can excuse almost any thoughtless or cutting remark by using such mindless phrases and yet bail themselves out.
Unfortunately, when this insensitive remark was passed, there were half a dozen people present, as my friend was at her daughter's school with other parents. Obviously, she was fuming with rage. Luckily, at the end of our conversation and a long bitching session, we laughed our hearts out and her anger and resentment seemed to have diffused to some extent.
Have you ever noticed, people using terms like, "no offense, but...","don't mind", "don't take it seriously" "just kidding" etc. always invariably end up saying something offensive as if trying to conceal their true motives, thoughts?
Most of the times, one ignores these phrases as they seem like good-natured gibe, fairly harmless, little jabs that are not supposed to leave a mark or hurt anyone if the intent behind the use is evident. But many times these terms are used to say something mean and still appear innocent and honest. People certainly seem to think they can excuse almost any thoughtless or cutting remark by using such mindless phrases and yet bail themselves out.
When it is so obvious that whatever the person is going to say after "no offense, but ...", is going to be offensive, why even bother with this disclaimer? Is it really going to make things better? Is that really going to soften the blow of a sentiment like, “hey Simi! No offense, but I feel you are extreme case of cleanliness freak. It is not a good sign." And the person walks away nonchalantly as if it was all perfectly fine to say those things to me! (How I am sometimes tempted to take revenge by saying things like, you know what? How about you stopping to be a lazy bum and cleaning a big mess that is in your house all around? Cut back your TV time and do something constructive and stop poking nose in other people's matters? :) )
I find habit of using terms like "no offense, but.." premeditated rudeness. If someone is using this term, before the actual sentence starts, it means the person very well knows his/her comment is offensive but doesn't bother to frame it in sensitive manner or keep the mouth shut and avoid the hurt all together.
I am not suggesting to be politically correct all the time but being mindful of the language, topics, our attitudes and actions always helps strengthening our relationships in all spheres. But like they say, it takes all kinds of people to make this world and jerks and bitches are as much part of it! :)
