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Discontent by default design

I happened to bump into a neighbour from our previous house where we lived for quite long time. I used to be pretty friendly with this lady initially but as the time passed and I realized, we didn't have anything common and keeping relations with her was a big drain on time and energy, I consciously withdrew from her. My problem with her is that she is one of those people who live their life on typical "auto-pilot" mode, incessantly crib about everything and feel that life is very unfair to them. I excused myself with apologetic face before she could start story of her horrible, pitiable life!

Who has time to listen to "You know, my wife/hubby would never understand". "I have moved on and it is amusing to see him/her trying to get my attention." "My hubby is so sweet, he is taking us to Europe for vacation but I don't want his parents to accompany us." "My hubby has such great connections that at any given time, there would be at least hundred people eager to help him should there be any need, anywhere under the Sun but he doesn't know how to use them." I NEVER have time for such conversations. There are better things to do in life for God's sake! 

You know, some people always seem 'stuck' wherever they are in some sphere of their life or other! If you pay attention, you would also find that entire focus of their life is on problems instead of finding solutions! ("You know, driver is on leave, I can't go out." "If you don't drive, take an air-conditioned taxi." "But it's so hot!")  The list of "problems" is endless and constant sense of lack surfaces in everything they do. ("I am not rich like you. I have to think about budget." "I can't go out alone like you/ I don't get time to pursue my hobbies like you. You are so lucky!") Notice that comparison? Try recommending that to be financially more secure, it makes sense to be mindful about investments, take informed decisions, save wisely and curtail expenses or being able to spend time on one's hobbies needs strict time management so that the priorities don't get messed, the immediate reaction would be defending the stand taken so far. Are these people unhappy really? I feel they are bored to death and don't know what to do with their life or don't wish to do anything about their life as they are too comfortably settled where they are and sadly they don't realize it! 

I am not a life coach so why I am talking about this issue today? I have no business talking about other people or how they should live their life and I am not setting myself above the fray. The reason why this topic came to my mind is a casual question asked by my ex colleague recently, "how come you always have everything in life?" My answer was, "because I deserve it." I was tempted to tell her that my "perfect" life (as perceived by her) is not at all 'perfect" and I have learnt to take the imperfections in my stride and focus on what truly matters. I wanted to tell her that my life is a 24/7 hard work and it is a continuous process of learning and unlearning but I knew she wouldn't hear any of it as she had already decided I was plain lucky!

When we think about life; how it is going, it is not just some random time frame that we talk about. It is about quality of daily routine, on daily basis. How we invest our time and energy determines overall quality of life. Interestingly, in my observation, people who complain about lack of time, money, freedom, personal connection in relationships invariably have serious issues regarding self-esteem/confidence/control and end up doing same things (if it is a weekend, it means, going to the mall/watching movie/eating out) with same set of friends/social group, without realizing the need to expand the horizons. There is nothing wrong in mundane if it makes one happy but then why complain and resent others who achieve better in life? And by achievement, I don't just mean material achievements.  

In times when our work responsibilities, modern, urban living demand so much  of our time that its all the more important to be mindful about choices we make, think about with whom and how we spend our time, what we spend our energy on, what we do when professional/social responsibilities don't demand our time/energy. Most of the time, life just passes by! Our habits, interests, passions, routines, pursuits of goals/dreams (if at all there are any) and the way we go about it, reveal a great deal about who we truly are. 

The quality of life depends on our deeply rooted conditioning and how ready we are to make changes should there be any need. A small deliberate gesture to bring some change no matter how uncomfortable it may appear in the beginning can help one explore the possibilities of understanding what ticks us, makes us happy and give us fresh perspective on the way we live our life. Even if the change doesn't click for some reason, it still helps to bring us closer to things that might work for us. The continuous exploring possibilities help us define what we really want and who we truly are. And if the change resonates with our values/interests/dreams/goals, we should embrace it whole heartedly.


What we don't realize sometimes is that any amount of money no matter how obscene, a great career or the most enviable lifestyle is not going to ensure fulfillment and peace in life IF our life is not aligned well with our core values/goals/dreams that define our true being. Nothing is permanent in life; even our own selves are constantly born anew. The beauty lies in enjoying those fluid moments of constantly learning, growing and becoming new every single day. When we are willing to change, there are immense possibilities waiting to embrace us and help us widen our horizon. The problem is how ready we are really?  
    

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