Happy Diwali !!!

I am back to Mumbai and life is slowly getting back to normal. With the city looking like a new bride, there is a nice energy bringing lot of positivity and joy. This year, I am not celebrating Diwali. Not out of any social compulsion due to my father's death but I just don't feel like celebrating. Maybe I am too tired and wish to withdraw and relax. 

At times like this when one is little withdrawn and needs time to cope with the loss and inevitable change, there are beautiful moments all around nurturing wonderful energy that translates into life changing spaces. I have some awe-inspiring tributes of love which are not off the shelf but have been made or found and delivered with exquisite tenderness. I must admit, it is greatest reward to have been blessed with so many friends, family members and extended family that never stops showering all their love, care and  rock solid, unconditional support. 

All I wish to do is thank God for all the blessings he has so generously bestowed upon me! With that note, I sign off today. 

May this festival of lights bring you lot of happiness, peace, contentment and may all your dreams be fulfilled. Wishing all my wonderful readers a very Happy Diwali! God bless!!  

Hassled by municipal offices and nationalized banks!

Since last few days, I am writing blog posts in my head every day about so many things. No, I haven’t turned completely senile (yet)! There is so much to write about with so much happening around me but I am simply unable to devote time to sit and share all my thoughts. I am at Baroda, taking care of things post my father’s demise last month. 

It is emotionally very difficult time with my parents' memories haunting from every corner of the house. My several visits to municipal corporation offices and nationalized banks to obtain certain documents and close my parents bank accounts have left me flustered. Dealing with municipal corporation officials, bank employees and getting the work done is a painfully tedious job and I have realized that the saintly patience one needs to possess is completely lacking in me. 

Trying to battle lethargy and complete ignorance at any municipal office or nationalized bank makes one realize a completely different truth about India. We are so used to net-banking and the convenience it has brought by shrinking world each day that waiting for days to get a simple thing done seems to be a torture. In general, I have observed that Indian mind-set is so used to accept the mediocre and not demand good quality service that when one tries to be vocal about the issue he/she is often ridiculed! 

Municipal offices are no different! They come across as nasty eye sores with filthy, stinking offices with piles of files covered with dust lying everywhere precariously. Since last few days, my emotional pendulum is swinging from outrage, helplessness to utter disgust when I witness lackadaisical attitude, complete ignorance and lethargy towards work at every government office and bank that I visit. 

The real issue in India is in interpretation of meaning which conveniently gets distorted by those responsible for implementing governance. They care little to understand that clearly outlined laws are always within purview of accommodating nuanced meanings. But try explaining this to a paan/masala chewing, loudly belching, nose picking clerk, scratching at the wrong places in full public view at government office who is absolutely comfortable speaking to you with the mouthful of filthy liquid about to overflow from his mouth while you are on verge of puking on his face with the very sight of him. He would look at you with disdain; from the dirtiest ledger you would have ever seen, as if obliging you with that typical look with corruption written all over his face.   

An average government office babu is the most detestable species one would come across in life. These insidious creatures hunt with packs of their corrupt and sly brethren. Their expertise is in finding innovative ways and means to deny your work. Corruption is underbelly of municipal offices and sadly the only way to get your work done. I am not saying all government officials are corrupt. I know there are a few honest and hardworking people too but they are very rare. 

I have completed most of the formalities and submitted all necessary documents but still   have to wait for few more days to get all my work done. You know the reason?  With Deepawali approaching, obviously nobody is in mood to work! I am left with only two options now; bang my head against the wall or start dancing Gangnam style and tell myself, "all is well, baby." 

Stop being a drama queen sweetheart !

It has been more than a week of sleep deprived delirium for me; courtesy, splitting headache, severe cold, cough and flu. I tried every possible natural remedy to stave it off, all in vain!  It is strange how I ended up behaving during these days.

Let me be honest. I have been quite a bitch off lately! From snapping at hubby, son and care takers of the house to being a complete crybaby, I have tried everyone's patience. Demanding a hot soup, head massages or just the company at wee hours (without iota of guilt) because I was not able to sleep. I must admit, I am immensely blessed to be loved and taken care of despite all the drama that I have created during these last few days. My usual, rational and loving  personae that absolutely loves spoiling people whom I love and truly care for magically transformed into a very demanding person seeking all the attention and pampering from every possible source. Luckily, the loved ones knew it was a rare and temporary phase and indulged me without ever making it obvious what a tough time I was giving them. 

I holed up into extra bedroom last week to save my hubby from incessant hacking. I tried aromatherapy immersions, mega dose of vitamins, art therapy and even explored realm of psychology to heal myself from inside out, exercising positive psychology. Strangely, when nothing helped I succumbed to frustration, anger, resentment and abnormally extreme bouts of self-pity and when that too didn't help, I surrendered to hubby's sane advice and dragged myself to see the doctor. 

Fatigued beyond recognition and ready to try anything that could save me from my immunity compromised prison, I waited almost an hour for the doctor to call me. It was irritating. I sat there; most uncomfortably, coughing loud, rationality impaired, overcome by frustration. The bitch inside me had started drafting menacing and aggressive disdain for the physician who kept me waiting that long. A colourful and compelling sentence was scripted for the moment physician would call me in. 

In reality, what happened when the doctor finally called me in his cabin was that I forgot everything I had planned to say and became dramatic (read melodramatic) the moment he gently said, "Oh look at you! You are so pale Simi. What happened to your smile?" "I am on verge of collapse doctor" I said, with moist eyes. Perhaps, entertained by description of my condition he said, "If you have not collapsed so far Simi, it means things are not so bad after all" with generous dose of sympathy and a smirk. I was astonished by his remark. Little mad at him, even. I mean, there I was, looking like hell, potentially suffering from life threatening maladies(!!!) that made me blither like lunatic and how dare he underestimate my pain? 

Reading my mind, he gave me a sheepish smile and said, "Let's see what  the problem is and fix it." What I later realized was that it was precisely what was required of him to do for me at that moment - to diffuse frustration and self-pity and all the self-imposed drama and focus on practical steps to improve my condition. With his unexpected comment that was most practical and gentle dose of humour, the entire experience got reprogrammed! Fortunately, in the process he also saved himself from earful of caustic remarks that were lethal combination of literary genius and verbal abuse! I left the hospital a little less agitated.

After returning home, the experience got me thinking about how small act of dropping the drama can help us focus more on finding solution and in the process helping one reduce the frustration and other issues related to it. I felt terribly guilty for all the pain I had caused to myself, my hubby, son and the caretakers in the house. I could have dealt with my condition little differently. Instead of giving in to irrational, negative thinking and wallowing in self-pity, I could have easily focussed more on getting better and appreciated what people around me were doing for me without making a ruckus. All I needed to do was be patient with loved ones and understand their concern beneath the words and actions and allow them to handle the situation without me trying to be control freak. 

Last evening, I apologized to everybody for creating unnecessary tensions and acting dumb. "Not at all mama, you were quite a darling even in that bad condition" said my son. I know he is a bad liar. Incidences like these make us realize how much we are loved and yet how we sometimes, create unnecessary tensions that are easily avoidable. I know I acted like a kid and feel ashamed. Fortunately, there is no change in daily dose of hugs I receive from son and hubby. They love me enough to even tolerate my "drama queen" phase and that certainly makes me feel little better!

The sling wars and media circus

Looking at the way things are going in Indian media since past few months, exposés, sting operations and scams incessantly keep embroiling the nation and seem to be the current flavour of Indian politics. A handful of people with their mindless rhetoric have mastered art of creating anarchy, getting media attention and stall governance issues. The media has reached such filth that it is difficult to believe that we are world's largest democracy. Considering the impudence and superficiality of mudslinging campaigns, the Indian media seems to have taken toll on independent, resourceful and honest journalism. The saddest part is that media is losing its credibility in its chase for "being first to present the news" as it is becoming instant views churning machines without taking pain of doing relevant homework.

Watch any news channel and it seems courts have shifted to media that is playing role of prosecutor, jury and judge; pronouncing judgments on 24/7 breaking news, setting a very dangerous precedent. The real amusement in this whole charade of "we are cleaning up the system by purging it of rot, notion" is that both media and people like Anna, Kejriwal and their clan don't realize that they have completely lost the plot. When the modus operandi of any protest is conducted and projected in a manner that shows complete disregard for constitution and judiciary and is not based on proper research, some very serious doubts are raised about the credibility of its very premise. I fail to understand, how real issues of systemic failure and lack of good governance get addressed by this circus. 

Every single day, we find senior journalists, seasoned politicians engaging in endless debates that get us nowhere! We all know that every politician covers up for personal muck of his breed. One probe after another dies down, one inquiry after another producing reports upon which barely any action is taken. What is the point of any debate if its outcome does not ensure any action? With media completely dependent on corporate sponsorship for its survival, isn't it unrealistic to expect unbiased news? 

The people of this country are tired of this tamasha of sling matches over press conferences. We don't want slogans. We are getting bored of ostentatious goodness. Connecting electric cables of defaulters or favouring a particular community for vote bank politics does not lead to any concrete action that offers better law and order facilities, infrastructure, stable economy, opportunities for education and employment, fast track courts or gender equality.  

While other institutes of democracy are eroding it is all the more important for media to come stronger as fourth estate. There are a few who are celebrating Indian media's revolution, claiming a victory over bridging the gap between the government and the governed, I remain circumspect. Instead of being a watchdog of democracy, Indian media is enslaved to Bollywood gossip, the ubiquity of sting operations and ravenous paparazzi. It has lost its moral compass and sadly poses question on sanity of our democracy. But does anyone really care? 

Show your care with little etiquettes please!

Day before yesterday, I paid visit to a hospital to see a relative who has undergone a major surgery recently. When I entered the room,  I was startled by what was going on there! There was a group of about six people busy in a heated discussion about how other hospital would have been a better option for the surgery. On the bed lay the patient; my hubby's cousin's wife, in deep pain. Hubby's cousin looked exhausted with all the conversations, formalities and phone calls that never stopped coming! 

When the doctor arrived for the routine check, the guests in the room bombarded him with lot of queries. And when he politely declined to answer most of the questions, they felt humiliated. Once, the doctor left, people started accusing him of being rude at top of their voice. The discussion then flowed from latest movies to fashion, to politics and even the good food items in the hospital canteen. Finally, those people left, but not before giving my sister in law repeated advice on "dos" and "don'ts" of post-operative care. When I got a few minutes alone with my sister in law and brother in law, he requested me to send messages to some of our relatives and convey some of their neighbours and friends  to refrain from calling him except for the visiting hours as he wished to be with his wife whole day, without being disturbed. He was in bad shape due to all the physical and emotional exertion and tired of discussing same details with every person that called or paid visit. I left the hospital bit saddened by what I had seen.

I don't like visiting hospitals as I have some painful memories of my mother associated with it. In last few years I have seen different perspectives of life at the hospital and I know how difficult it is for close family of the patient to deal with the emotional trauma and all that it entails. In India, visiting unwell people is utmost social obligation and people go out of their way to extend the support. Sadly, sometimes the good intentions fail to translate into behaviour that can be considered as supportive. We all need social support and there is no doubt we can ever survive without it but it is very crucial to know when and how it should be extended. I have realized there are few simple things which if observed can make a lot of difference to patient, his family and people wishing to reach out and support in such difficult times. 

1) If any of your family member is going to be hospitalized, please assign the job of answering all the phone calls to a close member of the family. That way, the main focus remains on the patient and friends, family and neighbours who wish to extend any help know about the status of the patient and can decide and distribute work as per need.

2) If you don't wish to have visitors, please convey the message well in advance. In India, people go out of their way to fulfill this utmost social obligation. Sometimes, in city like Mumbai, people travel long distances to see people admitted to hospital. Often, senior members are more concerned and insist on seeing the patient despite their own health issues. Talk to them in advance and plan a day for their visit after the patient is discharged and is in little better condition.

3) If you are visiting anyone at hospital, please inform the concerned people and remember that the purpose of the visit is to show your care. Nobody is interested in knowing about your latest acquisition, stock price or your own health issues. Check if there is anything that needs to be done for the patient. Do it if it is possible for you. There are no brownie points to be won or lost in it.

4) Wearing loud fragrances is a strict NO. Hospitals are places where one has to be extremely careful about such things. Many people are allergic to certain fragrances and it can create some serious issues for certain patients.

5) Hospitals are not places to party. Keep your conversations relevant and your visit brief. 

6) Ideally, when you visit hospitals, your mobile should be on silent mode. Talking on mobile loudly and making whole world listen to your conversation should be avoided.

7) Doctors visiting patients are NOT obliged to answer all the questions from the visitors, even if your patient is admitted to VVIP room. Doctors have many other patients who need monitoring from them.

8) If you have to admit member of a family in emergency, please allow the hospital staff to decide the priority of your emergency case. Don't create a scene if your patient is not attended for some time. Doctors are trained to deal with medical emergencies hence have faith in them.    

9) Reaching out need not always mean visiting unwell people in hospital. Sometimes, once the patient is discharged, there are many things that need to be done for the patient at home. Check if you can play any role in it.

10) Your visit at hospital should leave a smile on patient's face and the patient and his family should feel good about your visit. Try to spread a smile or two and stay away from any form of negativity.