My dilemma about the Ice Bucket Challenge

"Where is your ice bucket challenge video?" demands my cousin who nominated me for the challenge last week. "Looking at the videos and photos I have seen so far, I can't think of doing it unless I have a perfect figure like a Kingfisher calender-girl" I reply giggling, trying to elude her question. Upset with my answer, she is about to start lecturing me, when I explain the reasons for not participating in the challenge. I doubt she is convinced as she sighs nodding her head, saying "you are so boring and un-cool Simi!!!" 

For anyone, who is connected to digital world, escaping the latest meme, the Ice Bucket Challenge has become impossible. By now, you must have seen many of your friends dunking into freezing water, screaming through torrent of ice. Perhaps, you might have been even nominated by a few. 

The ice bucket challenge for me is great example of creative marketing with a social cause. It is a significant moment of our modern times that has proven that humanity can use social media for the common good.  

For most people, making the videos, it has all been a bit of fun, a must for their "coolness quotient". Many people seem to be doing it for catching attention without knowing the disease or the cause! By saying this, I am certainly not trying to show any disrespect for the people who have taken the challenge with serious understanding of the issue and have made an honest attempt to contribute to this cause. But when I see the videos of the ice bucket challenge, I cringe! No one seems to bother to understand ALS! It’s more fun talking about Taylor Swift’s wet shirt than what ALS is about and how it shatters life of those suffering from it! I fail to understand why throw a bucket of ice water on your head and tweet about it when you can directly donate to the cause?! 

Here is what I feel: if you really want to help out, don't just throw ice water on yourself. Spend some time understanding and then talking about the disease and the difficulties it entails for the patient and his family. Share your opinion about why you think it is important to discuss the disease. Make the challenge more meaningful, and more actionable. Tell people where they can donate or volunteer. And don’t just do this for ALS, do this for other causes you may feel strongly about. Do this for causes that need our utmost help.  

ALS (Amyotrophic lateral sclerosis) – is a life threatening condition that attacks one’s nerve cells that eventually leads to paralysis. I have lost a very dear friend to this deadly disease three years back and understand the suffering a patient and the family members undergo. 

Nothing can match the feeling of reaching out to someone in need but sometimes it is imperative to check if our decisions about donating are driven by values or potential impact or by celebrities and the entertainment value of the fundraising campaigns really endorse. The focus of the ice bucket challenge should have been ALS. Unfortunately, the whole concept is reduced to a publicity seeking farce. 

So, to all my friends and family members who have nominated me for the ice bucket challenge, sorry guys, I am not participating. If that makes me "boring or un-cool", I have absolutely no issues with that.   

Don't suffer in silence, consult a psychiatrist please!

It is frenzied Monday morning; everyone in the house is at breakfast table, simultaneously running schedule for the day in mind and managing the conversation going on when hubby's phone rings. He leaves the breakfast unfinished and talks with saint like patience and sympathy for about twenty minutes while I fume secretly at the caller and get concerned that hubby will have no time left for breakfast.

The caller is a distant relative from mother in law's side; a lady in late seventies, a widow with two sons in their late forties, both suffering with severe psychological issues that need expert professional help. One of her sons has attempted suicide in past and now is bedridden. Her calls have become a ritual and reached a point where she calls any time of the day and night, desperately seeking some solace for the bouts of anxiety caused by her tragic circumstances. Family members and relatives close to her have distanced themselves long back as their attempts and advice to take help from psychiatrist have met with contempt and callously ignored, further complicating the issue. 

Isn't it deeply disturbing to see such cases around us; people in desperate need of help of a professional psychiatrist shying away from it for lack of awareness, fear of social rejection or taboo? It is strange even in today's times, when every minute detail of our life gets shared with hundreds of strangers on social networking sites, there is no one around to notice, understand, support or reach out in time when one's mental health needs attention? Try talking about feeling depressed and people promptly suspend its possibility, diluting its seriousness by ignoring it or going into complete denial assuming anything "abnormal" like mental health issues can't happen to seemingly normal person! The typical argument one finds is, "what does she/he have to be depressed about in life? She/he has everything hence no reason to feel that way." Unfortunately, the world's most disabling epidemic rears its insidious trap in very subtle way. 

The recent tragic case of Hollywood actor, Robin William's death has once again brought the topic of suicide/depression/mental health to the fore and since last few days, social networking sites are buzzing with lots of stories on the subject. Shocked as we might be by such tragic events, not much really changes in our mindset or perspective about the issue and we, as society continue to have complete disregard for a healthy approach towards mental health issues. Psychiatry is still seen as some mysterious field and is a delicate matter that needs to be handled respectfully even by the medical practitioners. Despite the medical advancements, there is hesitation in disclosing the fact to the patient that he/she needs help of a psychiatrist.    

The social acceptance of consulting a psychiatrist is so low in India that even the most educated people prefer consulting alternate healers or fortune tellers instead of seeking help of a psychiatrist! One finds shockingly widespread cultural beliefs that blame demon possessions, bewitchment by evil spirits, ancestors’ spirits, or the evil eyes for various forms of mental health issue. There are rampant false assumptions for mental illness attributed to karma or the will of god. The stigma attached to the mental health issues is so potent that people who suffer from psychiatric problems are subjected to social isolation and ridicule that sometimes reaches inhumanly insensitive limits! 

Our modern day mantra of emphasis on perpetual happiness fails to understand and value importance of healthy, natural balance of different feelings including pain, disappointment, anger etc. We need to learn to deal with our natural emotions, accept them and learn to cope with them in mature, healthy manner. No mental illness should ever be trivialized as most of the diseases in mental health are treatable with proper medical attention, psychiatric therapy and social support if addressed on time. 

Psychiatry is not a taboo and consulting a psychiatrist does not mean the person is weak or has something to be ashamed of or keep hidden from friends and family. There is serious need to create awareness programmes on understanding mental health and the issues related to it within community and encouraging people to come forward for treatment before they reach a state of crisis. Consulting a psychiatrist should not be considered only when all other attempts to handle issue on our own fail and to create that kind of awareness tackling misinformation and incorrect yet long-held beliefs need to be handled with utmost maturity. Psychotherapy should not induce fear or embarrassment. It should give ray of hope. 

We all have secret demons. Just because someone is not able to deal with them properly does not make him/her weak. There is dire need to reach out to those who need to be heard, understood and taken care of. 

A life lost/ruined due to mental disease is a shame on society. Each case like Mr. Robin Williams is a reminder we still have miles to go. It is time we learn to be sensitive towards people with mental disease and their families and help spread the awareness about it. I think we owe that much to society.  

Patriotism is not for fashion statement

My car stops at traffic signal waiting for the signal to go green. A young girl barely ten knocks at the glass of the window, brushing her cheeks against it, flashing plastic tri-colour flags and some Independence Day metal badges made in China. I smile at her nodding my head, refusing to buy anything. Surprised by rejection, she leaves in a hurry to catch up with other prospective clients who seem more than glad to buy those souvenirs as mark of their patriotic fervour. I cringe at what I foresee happening to those very flags once the celebration mood for the Independence Day wears off! The flags would be found strewn all over road or dustbins. Barely anyone would even give them second look as their purpose would have already been served.    

Eons ago, before the age of apps, memes and vain selfies, one of the ways to show one's patriotic fervour was to be a proud owner of a tiny, tri-colour Indian flag in paper and wear it on one's school uniform like a badge of honour and once Independence Day/ The Republic Day celebrations were over, save it for weeks and sometimes months, carefully hidden from anybody's reach in some secret corner. I can still remember that feeling of immense pride in owning and wearing that tiny flag with the pin, on my school uniform. 

With changing times and crazy pace with which technology and messenger apps are exploding, the need to flaunt one's patriotism has become too much to deal with. If you use WhatsApp, you would have already received at least a dozen requests to keep Indian flag as your display picture and prove you are a "true Indian". You would also have been asked to spread the message to as many "Indians" as possible to show how united we are! Whether it is facebook, WhatsApp, or any other networking site, one finds sudden surge in messages that reflect love/pride for Nation. No harm in doing it really. But why does love/pride for Nation need to be restricted to such tokenism? We as nation are cacophony of many a roars. How many of us really own up to our country and feel truly proud of it or make an attempt to be worthy of its greatness?  

There is no need to shout "I love my India" at top of our voice. There are so many ways to prove it. A small gesture like educating a few underprivileged children, respecting and honouring law and order, not shying away from paying taxes or being of some use to the society/Nation instead of always complaining about the "failures" of our government/system, are a few gestures that can prove our heart beats for our country.  Nations can't be created overnight. It needs participation of its people who are aware and willing to learn to live with fatigue of supporting it. If we, as citizens are devoted to our Nation, it should reflect in our intrinsic values and translated into fulfilling our responsibilities and duties with pride. 

Patriotism is not about high decibel rhetoric, it is about walking our talk. It is high time we let our actions speak louder than words for a change. Jai Hind! 

Pledging for organ donation.

One of the few regrets I have in life is not being able to convince my father to donate my mother's eyes when she passed away and missing the opportunity to do the same when he passed away in an accident. Today, I feel immensely happy to have found a little closure to that guilt and regret through a small gesture from me, my hubby and son. 

All of us have pledged for organ donation and in some strange, beautiful way it really feels amazing to know that we might be able to save a few lives even after we are no more and would still continue to celebrate life through some other people.

It has been quite a while since organ donation has been on my mind but somehow or other I never took any concrete step to go for it. Fortunately, The Times Of India, in association with Kokilaben Dhirubhai Ambani Hospital have launched a week long campaign to encourage organ donation movement. I attended a seminar on organ donation today at the Kokilaben Dhirubhai Ambani Hospital and was glad to listen to the expert doctors and religious leaders who answered all the queries from curious audience. Listening to moving experiences of actual organ donors and recipients was truly eye opener. 

It is really sad that organ donation is an issue that normally does not cross our minds until the need for it occurs from our immediate family or circle. Despite being second most populated country, India has shockingly low rate for organ donation! Unfortunately, India with such religious and cultural diversity there are many misconceptions about organ donation. There is complete lack of awareness on the issue and religious apprehension about acceptance, misgivings about reliable medical infrastructure and sometimes, deeply ingrained superstitions discourage people from thinking about organ donation seriously.  

Parting with loved one is most painful experience in life and for the family of the person who is brain dead, it is extremely difficult to let go and accept that the person is gone. There is dire need to build the awareness that should take centre stage. We, as society, need to understand the significance of organ donation and educate our families on the issue. The fact that even in our most tragic moments like coping with death we can still reach out and give hope to improve or save someone's life can help find solace and bring some closure.   

We are all born with the ability to change someone's life and the gesture of donating organ is in some way conquering death as we continue to celebrate life even after our death! Each life is far too precious and there is no joy that can be compared to the profound experience of knowing that you would be of someone's use, make difference and bring smile on someone's face even after you are gone. 

I don't think there can be more profound and noble way of sharing. Do try it. Pledge your organs and convince your friends and family to go ahead and do the same. Believe me, it feels great and makes you value life much more! 

Watch out! There is bragger at large!

I was at a coffee shop, taking small break from visits to art galleries; my weekly ritual that helps my sanity stay intact. Immersed in my favourite latte and a book, completely soaking in sights, sounds and fragrances of heady concoction of scent of heavy rain from outside the shop and coffee wafting in air, I was enjoying lovely weather of beautiful rainy day. 

I no more feel shy to walk in a coffee shop and have my cuppa with leisure.  I always carry a book to bury my head especially when alone. It is fascinating observing human behaviour at public places like coffee shops, air ports, museums or art galleries.  

To the table next to mine, barely meter away, were seated three men. It was impossible to escape their conversation and what got me interested in it was that it felt like I was witnessing greatest bragging session in my life!

One of the men was talking most, trying to impress others by never ending tales of his success, grabbing every opportunity to discuss in detail how intelligent and smart he had been in achieving everything in life. He was so blind in regaling his self indulgent sense of ultra exuberant confidence and knowledge, blatantly ignoring need to let others speak or listen to their views. 

It became so amusing at one point with sentences like, "they knew they had no chance against me", "that is how a real deal is sealed", "when you are knowledgeable people bow to you, you see!", "that is how I tackled the ministers", "making money is no big deal" becoming too loud for comfort, I looked up from my book, casually glancing at the group pitying evidently frustrated and restless listeners of the bragger. 

After a while, when I left the coffee shop, giving the bragger, "do you seriously think the world really cares?" look, one of the members of the group glanced at me, shrugging with half smile, as if showing his helplessness and crying for help. I smiled at him back conveying my sympathy for him and his buddy.

Bragging is annoying personality trait. There are deeper reasons to why we do it. It is result of some deep rooted insecurity, fear of rejection, or desperate need for approval. Nobody minds a little bit of bragging when done in moderation in casual vain but when it crosses a certain point, it becomes irksome.  

Unfortunately, in today’s times, many people believe that to be successful, one needs to blow one’s trumpet. Perhaps, that is why social networking sites are replete with bragging champions. 

My life experience and observation has taught me that if someone is truly extraordinary, he/she is bound to get noticed and respected for it. Fortunately, to support this belief, I find one common trait that I find most inspiring and attractive in some of the most successful people I have privilege to know personally and meet in my professional life and that is, humility!

“ Tell me what you brag about and I'll tell you what you lack" -Spanish proverb