A tale of love, sex, betrayal and suicide ! R.I.P Jiah Khan.

I was in two minds about writing this article. The issue I wish to discuss today is complex with multiple layers and has been discussed in media endlessly on every channel and on internet. The shocking news of actress Jiah Khan's suicide was deeply saddening. The drastic step this young and promising girl took makes me shudder to think about what must have really happened that she gave up and surrendered to despair? 

It is heartbreaking that a precious life is lost abruptly due to failure in handling rejection! There are some very disturbing questions that stir up my mind when I think about Jiah Khan's suicide or many similar tragic cases from recent past.   

How does our law define "abetment to suicide"?

Views of the Supreme Court Of India on Abetment of suicide- Section 306 IPC;

"306. Abetment of suicide - "If any person commits suicide, whoever abets the commission of  such suicide, shall be punished with imprisonment of either description for a term for which  may extend to ten years and shall also be liable to fine." 

"Abetment" involves a psychological process of instigating a person or deliberately helping a person in committing suicide. The elements that can qualify to prove a crime or disapprove it do not seem to be clear. The law and its explanation need to be revisited as it appears dangerously ambiguous and is often misinterpreted and misused. Is it fair to apply straitjacket formula to all such cases? 

What is wrong with us as society? 


Fame is undoubtedly one of the heady spaces of existence. Jiah Khan's suicide is not only about love story gone wrong that creates tragic spaces of defeat in the mental landscape but also about dangerous desperation to stay in Bollywood, have that “perfect” relationship at any cost even if it means being abused or not respected in relationship. I fail to understand that obsession for love, that craving for attention to feel "worthy"! It is beyond my comprehension to accept that someone like Jiah Khan, who had got some recognition and a few enviable breaks in Bollywood could give up on life for unrequited love! 

What is wrong with us as society? We raise our children on staple diet of ideas about "perfect" life from Bollywood and media that is selling us designer dreams 24/7, telling us about "success" and "failures"! What we often miss out is the blatant desperation in feign boldness that we are bombarded with every single day. Hundreds of people lay vulnerable by extreme need to be successful ("under any cost") in Bollywood. 

 Sadly, the fast paced circuit of media and Bollywood feels its self-worthiness from its fleeting flash bulb moments and page three photo opportunities instilling within a make-believe "celebrity" status where being noticed becomes a feel good factor and the relationships also equally become part of the throw away life style adopted as “avid consumers’ of life’s rewards that can be easily bought.

Need for emotional intelligence

The sensitivity in each person is uniquely different. Some people are hyper sensitive to ordinary discords and differences that happen in our everyday life while some are brilliant at handling toughest of the challenge without losing balance.Why does an independent girl who had experienced some recognition at a young age feels worthy only if her love is reciprocated? There is something seriously wrong in that thinking.

The feeling of self worth is a result of delicate balance of knowing, loving, respecting and accepting oneself and having courage to be self critical. We all wish to be loved, cared for, understood and there is nothing wrong in wanting it. One of the best gifts of life is to have someone in your life who truly loves you. But if that doesn't happen, it is not end of life! There is much more to life than finding love, getting married, having children and having a "perfect" life. 

A worthy life is a holistic one that mediates peace within oneself by understanding and maturity. Our existence becomes meaningful only when we live life with responsibility and celebrate it  instead of searching for reasons to drown ourselves. 

R.I.P Jiah Khan! Wish you gave life some chance.  

Nature's rejuvenation programme !

It is raining (pouring) beautifully since last two days in Mumbai. Clearly, monsoon has finally arrived. What a flamboyant announcement! And like it always happens during the rains, the view from my room lulls me to the dreamy land! 

  

With the empty roads, endless streams of rains chortling through, rattling trees, the lightening rupturing the sky, raindrops chiming on windowsills steadily beating and breaking into tiny droplets dancing merrily, bouncing with glee, creating unstoppable rhythm, I get to witness an ethereal sound and light show! 

Remnants of raindrops clinging on the leaves and flowers glistening like jewels slide off gently. Rain has such magically soothing effect that with the very first drop of rain touching the bare skin, every single cell in the body feels rejuvenated!

The trees have adorned much greener and cleaner look and the brick wall of the compound looks a few shades brighter red. There is occasional, surprisingly loud chirp of the birds when the breeze bustles through the branches. The usually boisterous squirrel running over slosh of puddles makes a quick return to its burrow creating quite a commotion.  

On the ground lay the last summer blooms while some are still quivering on the branches, holding on to fleeting moments of hope. I gather the ones that are fallen and keep them away at the safe corner of the garden lest they get washed and ruined by rains. 

Like rains; emotions flood, heavy and intense, all the worries disappear, neurosis subsides and there is deep cleansing bringing calm, with a soothing, nourishing effect. There is mystic beauty in surrendering completely to that poignant experience.

The new tender leaves and buds erupting from the trees remind me it is time to part with what no more serves purpose in my life and focus on new beginnings. The experience is sublime and in those blissful moments when I experience my being in stillness, being aware of Nature, feeling it, interacting with it without uttering a single word, with open mind and receptive heart, there is nothing left to achieve. Life is just the way it should be. I am at peace, happy and content!

Horn. Ok. Please ! Highway on my mind!

Travelling on Indian highways is like hallucinatory potion of sound and spectacle; a potpourri of sensory overload, an exhilarating, unforgettable experience! I happened to travel a lot between Bombay and Gujarat, by road last week. For me, the experience is always a matter of huge interest, curiosity and immense enchantment! 

I am in complete awe of the trucks running on highway! No, my lunacy isn't infused with fresh bout of energy. You have read it right. I simply love observing trucks while travelling. I know, the incessant blaring horns from the truckers and their dangerously brash attitude clearly indicating that it is your job to avoid close encounters with them if you wish to stay alive irrespective of how their trucks are driven, creates frenetic chaos. But in spite of all that, I still admire interesting character those trucks bring on road. Each truck has a unique personality that tells a lot about the owner/driver and depicts some story.

I have great respect for the truckers (not for their driving skills) who despite their difficult circumstances of long hours of driving bring so much life on highways through some amazing art displayed on their vehicles. It is impossible to miss trucks of various sizes, painted in incredibly vibrant colours darting by if you are travelling by road in India. They are art galleries in motion; showcasing hand-made masterpieces of stunning illustrations, fascinating graphics and very unique indigenous typography, all hand painted by hundreds of unknown artists! How I wish I could take photographs of so many interesting trucks with vivid colours and quotes but with my car being driven at 120 kph, it was a huge challenge.  

The stress of driving on highway sometimes can get on your nerves but the interesting quotes on the back of the trucks keep you thoroughly entertained. The quotes/slogans are strategically written above the painting of village belles, scenic beauty, local/national heroes or God and Goddesses. In absence of any elaborate art work, the quotes are written at the center in bigger fonts. Most of the quotes are profoundly philosophical, some patriotic and socially relevant while some plain silly and truly hilarious and yet have mass appeal! 

Can you imagine how uninteresting and flat the drive on highway would be without those trucks with beautiful hand painted art and incessantly entertaining quotes? Let me share some of the best quotes I read that made me giggle throughout my travel. Pardon me for not providing the translation in English as the meaning would be really lost in translation. 

  

"Tanik dheere chalo, kaheki jaldi?"

"Maalik ki zindagi fruit aur cake pe, driver ki zindagi steering aur brake pe."

"Kaun kehta hain maut aayegi aur main mar jaaunga main to Dilli ka driver hoon, cut marke nikal jaaunga."

"Hasna mat varna pyaar ho jayega."

"Jatt risky after whisky"

"Chalo ek baar firse ajnabi ban jayen hum dono"

"Pass mat ana chhamiya kuch kuch ho jayega"

"Chalti hain Gadi udati hain dhool, nikalta hain paseena bikharte hain phool"

"Soch ke dekho saath kya jayega" 

"Kabhi sidese ati ho kabhi pichese ati ho,
meri jaan horn de de kar kyon muze satati ho"

"Kismat azma chuka muqadar azma raha hoon,
ek haseena ki khatir truck chala rahan hoon"

"Ya to muzse pyar kar, ya fir bardasht kar"

Do you remember any quote that has still stayed with you even after the journey got over? Please feel free to add them to the list! 
  

Going to my second homes !

Since last couple of days, the rhythm of our house is slightly off balance yet it has somehow managed to comply all the demands on time and energy. There is excitement in air as I am off to Baroda to attend "Upanayan Sanskar" (Yajñopavītam) in the family, followed by a very brief visit to Ahmedabad and a day's pilgrimage to our family deity. 

These days, my mind is consumed with nothing except what to wear for Yajñopavītam! I am utterly confused with options; which sari I should wear on what occasion, Chiffon, Silk or exclusive hand woven hand-loom cotton? Should I wear gold, diamonds or pearls in this scorching heat? If you are a woman and Indian, you would get the drift! No matter how planned things might be in advance, there are always some last minute changes that create high drama and add to the excitement. 

When it comes to attending any social occasion, I am absolutely thrilled! I love meeting relatives and extending family as it helps open up new realms of belonging and bonding. While there would be healthy dose fun and laughter, non-stop conversations and sharing, there would also be nostalgic moments tumbling out touching fragile and vulnerable spaces, especially while remembering my parents. 

Every time I visit Ahmedabad and Baroda; my second homes, I can't help thinking how time has just flown by. The cities where most of my life was spent have transformed and sometimes it makes me feel like an outsider. I often struggle to figure out where do I really belong? There are still remnants of my roots, associated with my identity in these two beautiful cities and loads of memories conjure up when I think about my life there till about a decade back but I miss the essence of these places that has diluted with time. I can't think about leaving Mumbai, the city where I currently live and absolutely at home with. 

While I cling to fragments of sense of belonging between these three cities with my identity bit hyphenated, I feel my home is where my heart is! And, despite all the changes, I feel at home wherever I go.  

Show me the "quick bucks"

"You must be very rich lady these days!" said Mrs. Nair, my neighbour, the moment she entered our house.

"?!?!" Alarmed and confused with exaggerated sugary sweet tone from someone who is known to be a snob, I tried to figure out what was coming.

"Stock market has reached 20,000 points na!!" 

"Yeah, it has. So?"

"Tell me, which stocks I should buy? " she asked with glint in her eyes. 

"Auntie, I am not a professional advisor on equities and currently, I am not buying any stocks."

"Oh come on, give me few tips. Don't I know how well you are doing in stock market?" She tried to cajole.

"Investing at current level is irrational and there are many factors responsible for any bull run like sentiment of the stock market, liquidity, FII flows, etc. Investing in direct equity needs good research and it is a risky asset class. Besides, stock market is very volatile these days. I am not sure if it is wise to enter the market at this stage"

"Oh! Don't you worry about that! You see, I don't mind taking risks. One has to take risks to earn money after all hain na?!"she persisted with big grin.

"Maybe, that is true but not before assessing every facet of the risk involved. I am an investor not a trader. My profile as long time investor would be completely different than someone playing the market for a short time."

"Profile??What profile???!!!"

"One needs to understand few basic things like what is the objective of the investment, time horizon one is looking for, risk appetite of the investor etc. before taking the plunge."

"Arre, don't bother about all those technical things dear. Who has got time to get into all that? I just want to take advantage of this teji (strong bull-run) and make some quick money. During last teji, my cousin Rajam earned big money and she now moves in a brand new sedan and has also booked a three bedroom flat in Banglore! And all she did was to consult her friend, who deals in shares just like you." 

"Wish it was that easy auntie." 

The conversation continued for next couple of minutes and I tried to convince Mrs. Nair to participate in stock market through SIP route once the market undergoes correction so that she would get the feel of how stocks behave. But Mrs. Nair left disappointed with some regret on her face for bringing bowl of payasam that did not  earn her any "tip" for stocks.     

Every time the stock market goes up, I end up having similar conversations with lot of people; friends, relatives, acquaintances and neighbours who just like Mrs. Nair, wish to invest in stocks without any prior knowledge or understanding of equity market. The difficult part is to convince them how investing in any asset class is not as simple as it sounds and that one needs to be extremely careful, prepared with thorough knowledge and understanding of every investment option. 

The major blunder people end up doing is to drool over reverie of making fortune in stocks, as if stock market is some magic wand to help them gain quick, handsome returns in short span. I am shocked by the mindless way people invest in 'hot picks" because some friend/neighbour/colleague/relative  recommends it! They invest recklessly as if oblivious to the fact that stock prices are subjected to erratic and random fluctuations depending on so many factors. 

The other day while going for work, my taxi driver overheard my conversation about stocks and he was curious to know how he could participate in the bull rally. It is not only people like him from lower financial strata and less educated class but also people from effluent, educated class make this enormous mistake to jump in stocks lured by greed and end up in financial harakiri.  

I am personally very bullish on equity as an asset class but to expect it to create magic as per my fancy would be a wrong premise. There is difference between creating wealth and making money and to create wealth in ethical way it takes time. Like life, there are no short cuts in stock market! Greed is good but not when it becomes unhealthy!

"One of the funny things about stock market is that every time one person buys, another sells and both think they are astute." William Feather