Pledging for organ donation.

One of the few regrets I have in life is not being able to convince my father to donate my mother's eyes when she passed away and missing the opportunity to do the same when he passed away in an accident. Today, I feel immensely happy to have found a little closure to that guilt and regret through a small gesture from me, my hubby and son. 

All of us have pledged for organ donation and in some strange, beautiful way it really feels amazing to know that we might be able to save a few lives even after we are no more and would still continue to celebrate life through some other people.

It has been quite a while since organ donation has been on my mind but somehow or other I never took any concrete step to go for it. Fortunately, The Times Of India, in association with Kokilaben Dhirubhai Ambani Hospital have launched a week long campaign to encourage organ donation movement. I attended a seminar on organ donation today at the Kokilaben Dhirubhai Ambani Hospital and was glad to listen to the expert doctors and religious leaders who answered all the queries from curious audience. Listening to moving experiences of actual organ donors and recipients was truly eye opener. 

It is really sad that organ donation is an issue that normally does not cross our minds until the need for it occurs from our immediate family or circle. Despite being second most populated country, India has shockingly low rate for organ donation! Unfortunately, India with such religious and cultural diversity there are many misconceptions about organ donation. There is complete lack of awareness on the issue and religious apprehension about acceptance, misgivings about reliable medical infrastructure and sometimes, deeply ingrained superstitions discourage people from thinking about organ donation seriously.  

Parting with loved one is most painful experience in life and for the family of the person who is brain dead, it is extremely difficult to let go and accept that the person is gone. There is dire need to build the awareness that should take centre stage. We, as society, need to understand the significance of organ donation and educate our families on the issue. The fact that even in our most tragic moments like coping with death we can still reach out and give hope to improve or save someone's life can help find solace and bring some closure.   

We are all born with the ability to change someone's life and the gesture of donating organ is in some way conquering death as we continue to celebrate life even after our death! Each life is far too precious and there is no joy that can be compared to the profound experience of knowing that you would be of someone's use, make difference and bring smile on someone's face even after you are gone. 

I don't think there can be more profound and noble way of sharing. Do try it. Pledge your organs and convince your friends and family to go ahead and do the same. Believe me, it feels great and makes you value life much more! 

Watch out! There is bragger at large!

I was at a coffee shop, taking small break from visits to art galleries; my weekly ritual that helps my sanity stay intact. Immersed in my favourite latte and a book, completely soaking in sights, sounds and fragrances of heady concoction of scent of heavy rain from outside the shop and coffee wafting in air, I was enjoying lovely weather of beautiful rainy day. 

I no more feel shy to walk in a coffee shop and have my cuppa with leisure.  I always carry a book to bury my head especially when alone. It is fascinating observing human behaviour at public places like coffee shops, air ports, museums or art galleries.  

To the table next to mine, barely meter away, were seated three men. It was impossible to escape their conversation and what got me interested in it was that it felt like I was witnessing greatest bragging session in my life!

One of the men was talking most, trying to impress others by never ending tales of his success, grabbing every opportunity to discuss in detail how intelligent and smart he had been in achieving everything in life. He was so blind in regaling his self indulgent sense of ultra exuberant confidence and knowledge, blatantly ignoring need to let others speak or listen to their views. 

It became so amusing at one point with sentences like, "they knew they had no chance against me", "that is how a real deal is sealed", "when you are knowledgeable people bow to you, you see!", "that is how I tackled the ministers", "making money is no big deal" becoming too loud for comfort, I looked up from my book, casually glancing at the group pitying evidently frustrated and restless listeners of the bragger. 

After a while, when I left the coffee shop, giving the bragger, "do you seriously think the world really cares?" look, one of the members of the group glanced at me, shrugging with half smile, as if showing his helplessness and crying for help. I smiled at him back conveying my sympathy for him and his buddy.

Bragging is annoying personality trait. There are deeper reasons to why we do it. It is result of some deep rooted insecurity, fear of rejection, or desperate need for approval. Nobody minds a little bit of bragging when done in moderation in casual vain but when it crosses a certain point, it becomes irksome.  

Unfortunately, in today’s times, many people believe that to be successful, one needs to blow one’s trumpet. Perhaps, that is why social networking sites are replete with bragging champions. 

My life experience and observation has taught me that if someone is truly extraordinary, he/she is bound to get noticed and respected for it. Fortunately, to support this belief, I find one common trait that I find most inspiring and attractive in some of the most successful people I have privilege to know personally and meet in my professional life and that is, humility!

“ Tell me what you brag about and I'll tell you what you lack" -Spanish proverb

I am NOT your darling, sweetheart, pumpkin, babe, or honey you jerk!!!

It was one of the most glamorous launch party, corporate style; the first party I was attending after shifting our base to Bombay. Surrounded by the most distinguished names from media, art, Bollywood, and corporate world, I was lost in reverie of all the glitz and glamour, struggling to let what was happening around sink in! 

As my hubby was busy with the launch, I was left to myself and was enjoying interesting conversations with different people. During one of the conversations, I was introduced to an art critic and while I turned to shake hands with him, out of the blue, a well known young film director collided with me! Before I could even recover from the shock he gave me a quick hug and said, "I am so sorry honey!!! Did I hurt you sweetipie?" and without waiting for my reply he went in the direction of the friends waiting for him nearby. I felt violated and was deeply annoyed! The ripple of upheaval it created gave me goose bumps and it echoed all the way till I reached home after the party and shared the experience with hubby.   

Last week, at the food court of a mall, while I was waiting for hubby, a complete stranger, barely age of my son asked me, "Honey, would you mind if I take one of these chairs?" I was mad and asked him curtly, "excuse me, what did you just call me?" Sensing the obvious anger on my face he grinned and said, "Don't mind. Its an old habit baby!!!" 

It happens all the time with women when certain other terms of endearment are hurled, spoken, or even whispered in their direction at so many occasions whether it is work meetings, social occasions or fleeting conversations with perfect strangers! What's wrong with world? I really get upset when people address me with terms like, "honey, sweetheart, baby, pumpkin (!), darling" etc. It really bothers me especially when such words are used by people whom I don't know or have no close relationship with. 

Why people are so incredibly presumptuous to address women by derogatory, patronizing terms of endearment? Why people behave in over friendly manner with other people? I find it utterly rude, disrespectful and distasteful. Even when people who use terms like "honey, darling, sweetheart, babes, sweetie pie" innocently, out of habit and warmth and  not really mean to be offensive, vulgar, distasteful and demeaning, it is sometimes difficult to find that invisible line of creepiness that starts to be transgressed condescending much.  

    

Most of the times such occurrences are dismissed as they are too trivial to be upset and better left ignored lest one gets affected by the slippery single term! I wonder if no one ever teaches importance of treating everyone with respect! I hate to be sweet talked. It is not acceptable to use terms of endearment with a stranger or use dismissive or demeaning language with anyone, of any age and I think, its time for women to make it loud and clear. 

So the next time, someone uses any demeaning term, I am going to say, I am NOT your darling/ sweetheart/ pumpkin/ sweetie pie/honey you jerk!!! 

A tragedy amidst random splendour

The rain like sea is an addiction for me. The mood for quintessential Bombay monsoon has certainly set in since last few weeks. Albeit, as I type this article, rain seems to have eluded and the deadly combination of humidity and heat is driving me absolutely nuts even in cool environs of my study!

But this post is not about perpetually frustrating heat or humidity of Bombay. Day before yesterday, when the ominous thunder storm announced rain's arrival, a calamity occurred in our building. 

I was taking break from the work, enjoying cool breeze and the music of wind chimes and shrill voices of children playing incessantly, jumping with joy without a worry in the world, soaking up in the rain ignoring fervent calls from their mothers to return home, hooting, running aimlessly. It is a visual treat to watch children play in open these days in city like Bombay!  

Suddenly the wind turned ferocious creating scary noise declaring its might generating havoc in minutes! The romance and the tender chill in the air was transformed into harsh dissonance and I could see/listen the leaves, branches breaking down, birds flying helter skelter and the garden completely washed away. The wind chimes did not sound too melodious with the forceful notes and the whooshing sound of wind, swaying branches and leaves combined with pitter patter of the random splendour gave a very eerie feeling!

There was complete silence for quite a long time and I was surprised by children becoming unusually quiet. I decided to check on them and went down to garden area of our building. There they were; gathered under the Gulmohar tree, surrounding a bird nest that had fallen from the tree, with two newborn chicks already dead and the third one, counting its last breaths. The children looked sullen, a few were weeping, struggling to comprehend perhaps the biggest tragedy of life they had just witnessed!

While the children were trying to figure out how to save the last chick, it died leaving them gloomy and sombre. They became all the more serious looking helplessly at the mother sparrow, listening to her grief stricken cries while she kept encircling her dead chicks. The children stepped back giving some space to the sparrow to bid final goodbye to her chicks, watching that last union with utmost maturity of grown up people. Once the mother sparrow flew to the nearest branch, the chicks were cremated under the same tree with each child contributing silently, paying homage in their own beautiful, innocent ways. When they parted for the day, they all seemed suddenly grown up and there was a silent acknowledgement and respect for the ultimate truth, the two sides of life cycle. 

I continued my rambling in the compound witnessing changed canvas, feeling bit wobbly for the mother sparrow and the tiny tots who had displayed such remarkable dignity in coping with death! They had experienced stab of sadness due to death and separation but learned important lesson on ways of life, the cycle of life and death!    
From the thick clouds suddenly the Sun rays burst bringing in new radiance and energy. The gust of wind was slowly changing its gear and I knew it was just a matter of time for the children to be back to their usual happy, carefree selves and the wind chimes to sing those sweet melodies once again!   

The fallacy of "having it all".

Ever since Pepsico.CEO, Ms. Indra Nooyi expressed her honest and open views on why "women can't have it all", at ASPEN Ideas Festival a fortnight back; http://www.theatlantic.com/business/archive/2014/07/why-pepsico-ceo-indra-k-nooyi-cant-have-it-all/373750/ , her views appear to be the hot topic of discussion everywhere one goes, whether it is digital world, social gatherings, parties or art previews. And I can't help thinking on the very subject and wonder why this obsession for "having it all" in first place? 

Incidentally, I am yet to come across anyone who can claim to "have it all" despite being super successful in almost every area of life! What Ms.Nooyi talked about was in context of work-life balance for professional stature of one of the most powerful working women in the world and she is absolutely on the dot in her candid confession and I truly admire her for that. 

We live in insanely busy times when there is pressure on most of us to strike that work-life balance and yet stay ahead in the rat race of "having it all". What all really defines this "all"? And who sets the benchmark for it? When I look around, there are many successful working women struggling to find balance in their different roles 24/7. Some are content with what they are able to achieve, some, on verge of nervous breakdown. 

What really happens to average women/women still climbing professional peaks and in the process face the challenge of striking that balance which is much difficult because of lack of sufficient support network from immediate family/friends/extended circle or finance? I see mind numbing stress overpowering lives of so many because of this abnormally irrational demand of "having it all"! And like Ms. Nooyi says, when a woman falters at doing justice to what is expected out of her in various roles, there is perennial guilt. 

Isn't this "guilt" that most working women experience, result of cultural conditioning? Why do we as society, fail to acquiesce the fact that it is bizarre to look at women's different roles as exclusive? The conflict occurs when we don't realize that a working woman occupying various roles in her professional and personal life has limit to how much she can practically deliver in each of those roles and at some point all the lines would blur between the personal and professional life demanding merging of all different identities into one!  

Unfortunately, the sentiments of Ms.Nooyi's mother resonate with many Indian homes including "educated" ones! Also, not many Indian husbands would give a hearty laugh just like Mr. Nooyi at being told that they should be happy being part of their wife's list! Why do women by default, fall into trap of accepting the onus almost entirely on themselves when it comes to household duties, valiantly pushing insane limits to multi task? It is absolutely okay to excel in some area of life and be average in other. Why subscribe to that need to be "super woman" in every area of life?!!   

Parenting, as they say is the toughest job in the world and for working mothers it can be a nightmare without any support. Being a mother and working woman myself, I understand the pressures and challenges these roles entail. Fortunately, I have luxury of flexible working hours but despite that there are times when work and home pressure create conflicts that are unavoidable. 

With time, I have learnt to cope with such situations without feeling any guilt. If my work requires me to stay out of home for long hours, it means the routine seven course meal served at the dinner table would shrink into three or four course and the family members are expected to welcome the change with smile. If my hobby/passion demands I am out on early Sunday morning, it means people at home would have to delegate some work without expecting me to complete it on my return. And no, it does not affect me that sometimes I am not able to fulfill some of the expectations in my different roles at home. Of course, I can't eliminate the conflict completely but I have learnt to be at peace with my choices without feeling guilty. 

This is my life! And I get to decide what truly matters to me. And I am absolutely okay with "having it all" on some days and having a little less on other. My life is not a rat race and I don't need to decide its worth by what I have achieved professionally or how many dishes I can cook for my family. Period!