I hereby tender my resignation ...

It was during my photography session at Hanging garden, I came across the realization that was brewing inside me since quite some time. I feel like quitting everything! And travel around the world all alone without having to worry about anything or anyone. Yeah, that's true, I am possessed with this  irresistible desire.    

I don't know why suddenly, looking at the very old, beautiful iron chain surrounding a monument near my bench, I felt rusted. I felt stuck deeper into a hole that I would perhaps never be able to escape. Amidst the beautiful energy all around came this poignant moment when my heart revolted and convinced my mind to give it a serious thought, causing endless cerebral chaos which is still difficult to silence. 

I shared this experience with my friends who laughed it off as predicted:

"Are you nuts?" 

"You can't!!!" "Period!" 

"But, why????!!! 

You have such a BEAUTIFUL life!" "What a loving family!!" 

(I admit, I do have a very blessed and privileged life. And many would kill to live my life.) My friends were polite enough not to call me insane on my face  but were infuriated and upset with me for having such "crazy" thoughts. Not surprised by their reactions though, here I am, ranting my views.

I sometimes wonder why it is wrong to listen to your heart! After fulfilling all my duties in various roles in my personal and professional life successfully, completing twenty four years in my marriage, having brought up a wonderful son who I am very proud of, why is it looked down upon if I am honest in saying I am tired of it all? Does it make me a bad person? I am seriously sick of putting everyone else before me and in the process ignore myself completely. Don't get me wrong, I am not trying to play victim here, in serious need to attention or sympathy. My life is result of choices I made and not once I have regretted having made those choices! 
                                                                   
I am really tired of never ending series of being frazzled by all the duties at home and work and running around endlessly to ensure they are performed well! What is the point in earning an enviably great life if you don't have time to live it? 

The voice inside me is asking me to break all the self imposed shackles and be honest and true to myself. For a change, I wish to put myself first in my priority list, explore life on my own without feeling the weight of the world on my shoulders. My inner voice is telling me to make this change and go for it ASAP. Does that make me selfish?      

No offense, but...

This morning, I had a long conversation with a friend of mine who was very upset over an incident. One of her acquaintances met her recently and asked her, "no offense but have you got tummy tuck/ body contouring done? You have always been fat but now your body looks far too perfect! And as far as I know, you neither have healthy food habits nor do any exercise!" 

Unfortunately, when this insensitive remark was passed, there were half a dozen people present, as my friend was at her daughter's school with other parents. Obviously, she was fuming with rage. Luckily, at the end of our conversation and a long bitching session, we laughed our hearts out and her anger and resentment seemed to have diffused to some extent. 

Have you ever noticed, people using terms like, "no offense, but...","don't mind", "don't take it seriously" "just kidding" etc. always invariably end up saying something offensive as if trying to conceal their true motives, thoughts?

Most of the times, one ignores these phrases as they seem like good-natured gibe, fairly harmless, little jabs that are not supposed to leave a mark or hurt anyone if the intent behind the use is evident. But many times these terms are used to say something mean and still appear innocent and honest. People certainly seem to think they can excuse almost any thoughtless or cutting remark by using such mindless phrases and yet bail themselves out. 

When it is so obvious that whatever the person is going to say after "no offense, but ...", is going to be offensive, why even bother with this disclaimer? Is it really going to make things better? Is that really going to soften the blow of a sentiment like, “hey Simi! No offense, but I feel you are extreme case of cleanliness freak. It is not a good sign." And the person walks away nonchalantly as if it was all perfectly fine to say those things to me! (How I am sometimes tempted to take revenge by saying things like, you know what? How about you stopping to be a lazy bum and cleaning a big mess that is in your house all around? Cut back your TV time and do something constructive and stop poking nose in other people's matters? :) ) 

I find habit of using terms like "no offense, but.." premeditated rudeness. If someone is using this term, before the actual sentence starts, it means the person very well knows his/her comment is offensive but doesn't bother to frame it in sensitive manner or keep the mouth shut and avoid the hurt all together.

I am not suggesting to be politically correct all the time but being mindful of the language, topics, our attitudes and actions always helps strengthening our relationships in all spheres. But like they say, it takes all kinds of people to make this world and jerks and bitches are as much part of it! :)   

Sorry God, we are like that only!

      The dictionary defines the following words as;  

       Religious : 

       of, pertaining to, or concerned with religion,

       imbued with or exhibiting religion; pious; devout; godly:

Spiritual : 

of pertaining to sacred things or matters; religious; devotional;  sacred.

As I type this article, my heart beat is racing, causing abnormally high palpitations. It is evident in the throbbing pain in my head that the blood pressure has also gone very high. I am on verge of tears due to frustration, anger, and sheer helplessness. It is Ganesha immersion day!  

There is complete mayhem on the road with processions of Ganesha immersion from every corner of the city. The madness is lethal combination of religious (?) fervour and fanaticism which is beyond comprehension for any person with average sanity. The noise coming from the blaring loudspeakers on the road makes it impossible to have normal conversation even on tenth floor with all the windows tightly shut! 

People participating in the processions mostly sponsored by political parties enjoy every bit of fleeting moments of glory coming their way, gyrating to the loud Bollywood numbers. If you live in Bombay, perhaps, you may not find anything unusual in the scene I described. Problem is, with each passing year, the competition to flaunt political clout becomes much intense around such festival celebrations. I find this trend deeply disturbing.

Being born and brought up in staunch Maharashtrian Brahmin family, I respect and value all the festivals, irrespective of community. It doesn't matter whether it is Ganesha, Eid or any other festival, our celebrations are becoming louder by the day. Forget the God, I miss the organic experience of simple, innocent celebrations without much fanfare ! 

It is strange that something as personal and poignant as faith/religion  stands threadbare defined by contours of the way we celebrate the festivals! I have been raised in religious environment and have always been in deep awe of peace and spirituality part of it. Unfortunately, nothing seems sacred any more, not even our worship! With each passing day I struggle to find some semblance of religion/culture/ spirituality in high decibel revelry all around. ! Sigh!  

Faith in Almighty/God/religion is difficult to put in words and it is a very unique and personal experience. This very faith helps us hold life with equanimity and drive our emotions to surpass worldly boundaries and govern that unseen, infinite power within us. But when this very faith is altered for the sake of carnal, political and commercial gains, does it remain as sacred?

Religion has great powers that open new vistas of learning if interpreted and understood correctly but when the very religion compels us to close doors, the ethos is lost completely. 

For a change, I feel sad for my favourite Lord Ganesha. Just like me, he also appears to be searching some trace of religion/spirituality in the mindless revelry all around, in vain! 

My dilemma about the Ice Bucket Challenge

"Where is your ice bucket challenge video?" demands my cousin who nominated me for the challenge last week. "Looking at the videos and photos I have seen so far, I can't think of doing it unless I have a perfect figure like a Kingfisher calender-girl" I reply giggling, trying to elude her question. Upset with my answer, she is about to start lecturing me, when I explain the reasons for not participating in the challenge. I doubt she is convinced as she sighs nodding her head, saying "you are so boring and un-cool Simi!!!" 

For anyone, who is connected to digital world, escaping the latest meme, the Ice Bucket Challenge has become impossible. By now, you must have seen many of your friends dunking into freezing water, screaming through torrent of ice. Perhaps, you might have been even nominated by a few. 

The ice bucket challenge for me is great example of creative marketing with a social cause. It is a significant moment of our modern times that has proven that humanity can use social media for the common good.  

For most people, making the videos, it has all been a bit of fun, a must for their "coolness quotient". Many people seem to be doing it for catching attention without knowing the disease or the cause! By saying this, I am certainly not trying to show any disrespect for the people who have taken the challenge with serious understanding of the issue and have made an honest attempt to contribute to this cause. But when I see the videos of the ice bucket challenge, I cringe! No one seems to bother to understand ALS! It’s more fun talking about Taylor Swift’s wet shirt than what ALS is about and how it shatters life of those suffering from it! I fail to understand why throw a bucket of ice water on your head and tweet about it when you can directly donate to the cause?! 

Here is what I feel: if you really want to help out, don't just throw ice water on yourself. Spend some time understanding and then talking about the disease and the difficulties it entails for the patient and his family. Share your opinion about why you think it is important to discuss the disease. Make the challenge more meaningful, and more actionable. Tell people where they can donate or volunteer. And don’t just do this for ALS, do this for other causes you may feel strongly about. Do this for causes that need our utmost help.  

ALS (Amyotrophic lateral sclerosis) – is a life threatening condition that attacks one’s nerve cells that eventually leads to paralysis. I have lost a very dear friend to this deadly disease three years back and understand the suffering a patient and the family members undergo. 

Nothing can match the feeling of reaching out to someone in need but sometimes it is imperative to check if our decisions about donating are driven by values or potential impact or by celebrities and the entertainment value of the fundraising campaigns really endorse. The focus of the ice bucket challenge should have been ALS. Unfortunately, the whole concept is reduced to a publicity seeking farce. 

So, to all my friends and family members who have nominated me for the ice bucket challenge, sorry guys, I am not participating. If that makes me "boring or un-cool", I have absolutely no issues with that.   

Don't suffer in silence, consult a psychiatrist please!

It is frenzied Monday morning; everyone in the house is at breakfast table, simultaneously running schedule for the day in mind and managing the conversation going on when hubby's phone rings. He leaves the breakfast unfinished and talks with saint like patience and sympathy for about twenty minutes while I fume secretly at the caller and get concerned that hubby will have no time left for breakfast.

The caller is a distant relative from mother in law's side; a lady in late seventies, a widow with two sons in their late forties, both suffering with severe psychological issues that need expert professional help. One of her sons has attempted suicide in past and now is bedridden. Her calls have become a ritual and reached a point where she calls any time of the day and night, desperately seeking some solace for the bouts of anxiety caused by her tragic circumstances. Family members and relatives close to her have distanced themselves long back as their attempts and advice to take help from psychiatrist have met with contempt and callously ignored, further complicating the issue. 

Isn't it deeply disturbing to see such cases around us; people in desperate need of help of a professional psychiatrist shying away from it for lack of awareness, fear of social rejection or taboo? It is strange even in today's times, when every minute detail of our life gets shared with hundreds of strangers on social networking sites, there is no one around to notice, understand, support or reach out in time when one's mental health needs attention? Try talking about feeling depressed and people promptly suspend its possibility, diluting its seriousness by ignoring it or going into complete denial assuming anything "abnormal" like mental health issues can't happen to seemingly normal person! The typical argument one finds is, "what does she/he have to be depressed about in life? She/he has everything hence no reason to feel that way." Unfortunately, the world's most disabling epidemic rears its insidious trap in very subtle way. 

The recent tragic case of Hollywood actor, Robin William's death has once again brought the topic of suicide/depression/mental health to the fore and since last few days, social networking sites are buzzing with lots of stories on the subject. Shocked as we might be by such tragic events, not much really changes in our mindset or perspective about the issue and we, as society continue to have complete disregard for a healthy approach towards mental health issues. Psychiatry is still seen as some mysterious field and is a delicate matter that needs to be handled respectfully even by the medical practitioners. Despite the medical advancements, there is hesitation in disclosing the fact to the patient that he/she needs help of a psychiatrist.    

The social acceptance of consulting a psychiatrist is so low in India that even the most educated people prefer consulting alternate healers or fortune tellers instead of seeking help of a psychiatrist! One finds shockingly widespread cultural beliefs that blame demon possessions, bewitchment by evil spirits, ancestors’ spirits, or the evil eyes for various forms of mental health issue. There are rampant false assumptions for mental illness attributed to karma or the will of god. The stigma attached to the mental health issues is so potent that people who suffer from psychiatric problems are subjected to social isolation and ridicule that sometimes reaches inhumanly insensitive limits! 

Our modern day mantra of emphasis on perpetual happiness fails to understand and value importance of healthy, natural balance of different feelings including pain, disappointment, anger etc. We need to learn to deal with our natural emotions, accept them and learn to cope with them in mature, healthy manner. No mental illness should ever be trivialized as most of the diseases in mental health are treatable with proper medical attention, psychiatric therapy and social support if addressed on time. 

Psychiatry is not a taboo and consulting a psychiatrist does not mean the person is weak or has something to be ashamed of or keep hidden from friends and family. There is serious need to create awareness programmes on understanding mental health and the issues related to it within community and encouraging people to come forward for treatment before they reach a state of crisis. Consulting a psychiatrist should not be considered only when all other attempts to handle issue on our own fail and to create that kind of awareness tackling misinformation and incorrect yet long-held beliefs need to be handled with utmost maturity. Psychotherapy should not induce fear or embarrassment. It should give ray of hope. 

We all have secret demons. Just because someone is not able to deal with them properly does not make him/her weak. There is dire need to reach out to those who need to be heard, understood and taken care of. 

A life lost/ruined due to mental disease is a shame on society. Each case like Mr. Robin Williams is a reminder we still have miles to go. It is time we learn to be sensitive towards people with mental disease and their families and help spread the awareness about it. I think we owe that much to society.