When life jolts your plan

I am emotionally bit wobbly as I write this article today. Before me, are two travel bags packed a week in advance with great enthusiasm and anticipation for the five days vacation that was going to start from tomorrow. This is the third time our holidays got cancelled due to some reason or other and I find it so frustrating!

Since last week, I have been busy whizzing around like a dervish, trying to accomplish more work than my usual set goals in everyday routine. The reason being, I was to go to Pondycherry for few days with hubby, for whom getting even a day off from work is extremely difficult. People, who know me closely, know how badly I have always wished to visit that place since long but somehow it just never materialized! There is some strange pull, something undefinable that is calling me to that place!

I was brimming with joy, planning our trip, doing the research on places to visit, happy with hubby for finally giving me some time alone, looking forward to catching up with friends at Chennai, making my list of things to shop for, trying to accommodate as many cultural events as we could possibly fit in the short span. And just when everything was set, we heard news of political unrest and incidents of violence in Tamilnadu.  

Our tickets and hotel bookings have been cancelled. I need great courage to unpack those bags without letting tears roll down my cheeks. I know, many things in life don't go as planned. Not everything works out as we hope. There are many reasons for this and usually what seems like an awful turn of events might make perfect sense in the future. But there are some plans that are much dear to your heart. Long cherished plans for which you work hard, prepare everything that needs to be done and beyond and still you don't get to see them fulfilled as unfortunately things just don't work out for some strange reasons beyond your control.

I feel dejected and guess no pep talk or even divine intervention is going to work for me. This is one of those rare moments for me when it is difficult to love life.   

I hereby tender my resignation ...

It was during my photography session at Hanging garden, I came across the realization that was brewing inside me since quite some time. I feel like quitting everything! And travel around the world all alone without having to worry about anything or anyone. Yeah, that's true, I am possessed with this  irresistible desire.    

I don't know why suddenly, looking at the very old, beautiful iron chain surrounding a monument near my bench, I felt rusted. I felt stuck deeper into a hole that I would perhaps never be able to escape. Amidst the beautiful energy all around came this poignant moment when my heart revolted and convinced my mind to give it a serious thought, causing endless cerebral chaos which is still difficult to silence. 

I shared this experience with my friends who laughed it off as predicted:

"Are you nuts?" 

"You can't!!!" "Period!" 

"But, why????!!! 

You have such a BEAUTIFUL life!" "What a loving family!!" 

(I admit, I do have a very blessed and privileged life. And many would kill to live my life.) My friends were polite enough not to call me insane on my face  but were infuriated and upset with me for having such "crazy" thoughts. Not surprised by their reactions though, here I am, ranting my views.

I sometimes wonder why it is wrong to listen to your heart! After fulfilling all my duties in various roles in my personal and professional life successfully, completing twenty four years in my marriage, having brought up a wonderful son who I am very proud of, why is it looked down upon if I am honest in saying I am tired of it all? Does it make me a bad person? I am seriously sick of putting everyone else before me and in the process ignore myself completely. Don't get me wrong, I am not trying to play victim here, in serious need to attention or sympathy. My life is result of choices I made and not once I have regretted having made those choices! 
                                                                   
I am really tired of never ending series of being frazzled by all the duties at home and work and running around endlessly to ensure they are performed well! What is the point in earning an enviably great life if you don't have time to live it? 

The voice inside me is asking me to break all the self imposed shackles and be honest and true to myself. For a change, I wish to put myself first in my priority list, explore life on my own without feeling the weight of the world on my shoulders. My inner voice is telling me to make this change and go for it ASAP. Does that make me selfish?      

No offense, but...

This morning, I had a long conversation with a friend of mine who was very upset over an incident. One of her acquaintances met her recently and asked her, "no offense but have you got tummy tuck/ body contouring done? You have always been fat but now your body looks far too perfect! And as far as I know, you neither have healthy food habits nor do any exercise!" 

Unfortunately, when this insensitive remark was passed, there were half a dozen people present, as my friend was at her daughter's school with other parents. Obviously, she was fuming with rage. Luckily, at the end of our conversation and a long bitching session, we laughed our hearts out and her anger and resentment seemed to have diffused to some extent. 

Have you ever noticed, people using terms like, "no offense, but...","don't mind", "don't take it seriously" "just kidding" etc. always invariably end up saying something offensive as if trying to conceal their true motives, thoughts?

Most of the times, one ignores these phrases as they seem like good-natured gibe, fairly harmless, little jabs that are not supposed to leave a mark or hurt anyone if the intent behind the use is evident. But many times these terms are used to say something mean and still appear innocent and honest. People certainly seem to think they can excuse almost any thoughtless or cutting remark by using such mindless phrases and yet bail themselves out. 

When it is so obvious that whatever the person is going to say after "no offense, but ...", is going to be offensive, why even bother with this disclaimer? Is it really going to make things better? Is that really going to soften the blow of a sentiment like, “hey Simi! No offense, but I feel you are extreme case of cleanliness freak. It is not a good sign." And the person walks away nonchalantly as if it was all perfectly fine to say those things to me! (How I am sometimes tempted to take revenge by saying things like, you know what? How about you stopping to be a lazy bum and cleaning a big mess that is in your house all around? Cut back your TV time and do something constructive and stop poking nose in other people's matters? :) ) 

I find habit of using terms like "no offense, but.." premeditated rudeness. If someone is using this term, before the actual sentence starts, it means the person very well knows his/her comment is offensive but doesn't bother to frame it in sensitive manner or keep the mouth shut and avoid the hurt all together.

I am not suggesting to be politically correct all the time but being mindful of the language, topics, our attitudes and actions always helps strengthening our relationships in all spheres. But like they say, it takes all kinds of people to make this world and jerks and bitches are as much part of it! :)   

Sorry God, we are like that only!

      The dictionary defines the following words as;  

       Religious : 

       of, pertaining to, or concerned with religion,

       imbued with or exhibiting religion; pious; devout; godly:

Spiritual : 

of pertaining to sacred things or matters; religious; devotional;  sacred.

As I type this article, my heart beat is racing, causing abnormally high palpitations. It is evident in the throbbing pain in my head that the blood pressure has also gone very high. I am on verge of tears due to frustration, anger, and sheer helplessness. It is Ganesha immersion day!  

There is complete mayhem on the road with processions of Ganesha immersion from every corner of the city. The madness is lethal combination of religious (?) fervour and fanaticism which is beyond comprehension for any person with average sanity. The noise coming from the blaring loudspeakers on the road makes it impossible to have normal conversation even on tenth floor with all the windows tightly shut! 

People participating in the processions mostly sponsored by political parties enjoy every bit of fleeting moments of glory coming their way, gyrating to the loud Bollywood numbers. If you live in Bombay, perhaps, you may not find anything unusual in the scene I described. Problem is, with each passing year, the competition to flaunt political clout becomes much intense around such festival celebrations. I find this trend deeply disturbing.

Being born and brought up in staunch Maharashtrian Brahmin family, I respect and value all the festivals, irrespective of community. It doesn't matter whether it is Ganesha, Eid or any other festival, our celebrations are becoming louder by the day. Forget the God, I miss the organic experience of simple, innocent celebrations without much fanfare ! 

It is strange that something as personal and poignant as faith/religion  stands threadbare defined by contours of the way we celebrate the festivals! I have been raised in religious environment and have always been in deep awe of peace and spirituality part of it. Unfortunately, nothing seems sacred any more, not even our worship! With each passing day I struggle to find some semblance of religion/culture/ spirituality in high decibel revelry all around. ! Sigh!  

Faith in Almighty/God/religion is difficult to put in words and it is a very unique and personal experience. This very faith helps us hold life with equanimity and drive our emotions to surpass worldly boundaries and govern that unseen, infinite power within us. But when this very faith is altered for the sake of carnal, political and commercial gains, does it remain as sacred?

Religion has great powers that open new vistas of learning if interpreted and understood correctly but when the very religion compels us to close doors, the ethos is lost completely. 

For a change, I feel sad for my favourite Lord Ganesha. Just like me, he also appears to be searching some trace of religion/spirituality in the mindless revelry all around, in vain! 

My dilemma about the Ice Bucket Challenge

"Where is your ice bucket challenge video?" demands my cousin who nominated me for the challenge last week. "Looking at the videos and photos I have seen so far, I can't think of doing it unless I have a perfect figure like a Kingfisher calender-girl" I reply giggling, trying to elude her question. Upset with my answer, she is about to start lecturing me, when I explain the reasons for not participating in the challenge. I doubt she is convinced as she sighs nodding her head, saying "you are so boring and un-cool Simi!!!" 

For anyone, who is connected to digital world, escaping the latest meme, the Ice Bucket Challenge has become impossible. By now, you must have seen many of your friends dunking into freezing water, screaming through torrent of ice. Perhaps, you might have been even nominated by a few. 

The ice bucket challenge for me is great example of creative marketing with a social cause. It is a significant moment of our modern times that has proven that humanity can use social media for the common good.  

For most people, making the videos, it has all been a bit of fun, a must for their "coolness quotient". Many people seem to be doing it for catching attention without knowing the disease or the cause! By saying this, I am certainly not trying to show any disrespect for the people who have taken the challenge with serious understanding of the issue and have made an honest attempt to contribute to this cause. But when I see the videos of the ice bucket challenge, I cringe! No one seems to bother to understand ALS! It’s more fun talking about Taylor Swift’s wet shirt than what ALS is about and how it shatters life of those suffering from it! I fail to understand why throw a bucket of ice water on your head and tweet about it when you can directly donate to the cause?! 

Here is what I feel: if you really want to help out, don't just throw ice water on yourself. Spend some time understanding and then talking about the disease and the difficulties it entails for the patient and his family. Share your opinion about why you think it is important to discuss the disease. Make the challenge more meaningful, and more actionable. Tell people where they can donate or volunteer. And don’t just do this for ALS, do this for other causes you may feel strongly about. Do this for causes that need our utmost help.  

ALS (Amyotrophic lateral sclerosis) – is a life threatening condition that attacks one’s nerve cells that eventually leads to paralysis. I have lost a very dear friend to this deadly disease three years back and understand the suffering a patient and the family members undergo. 

Nothing can match the feeling of reaching out to someone in need but sometimes it is imperative to check if our decisions about donating are driven by values or potential impact or by celebrities and the entertainment value of the fundraising campaigns really endorse. The focus of the ice bucket challenge should have been ALS. Unfortunately, the whole concept is reduced to a publicity seeking farce. 

So, to all my friends and family members who have nominated me for the ice bucket challenge, sorry guys, I am not participating. If that makes me "boring or un-cool", I have absolutely no issues with that.