Exploring empty streets of Udwada

"There is absolutely NOTHING there. Why waste your time?"!! Exclaimed one of our friends on learning we were planning to visit Udwada on our weekend trip. I couldn't explain him that where he sees lifeless, I see calm. Or, where he finds the place boring, I see a charming town of stunningly beautiful cottages and bungalows trapped in history for centuries! 

Udwada: History! Intrigue! Culture!  Stories of migration from centuries ago! Sense of longing and pain derived from it. Identity; found and now on the brink of losing it. Udwada, a quaint, little town from Gujarat; one of the most sacred places for Parsi- Irani Zoroastrian, is a paradigm of collective memory and nostalgia. It is the home for the holy fire which the Zoroastrians brought with them while they escaped Iran centuries ago. 

Parsi community in India, is on brink of extinction and with each passing day, its religious, psychological, social, political, economic ideals being altered, there is a vast difference between its past and present. With migration of the young generation, the town has become empty, struggling to hold on to its soul threadbare. The rampant modern constructions are slowly taking over the town once known for its stunningly beautiful cottages and bungalows. The new construction looks strangely out of the place, dissonant and unable to imbibe the core essence of what the town stands for.  

I have been visiting Udwada since last ten years and each time I see a few more derelict houses/cottages narrating tales of erstwhile glorious past and its subtle loss, I feel sad losing an important cultural, social, political history piece by piece.  

Each time I visit Udwada, I hope to find freshly drawn rangolis (chalk designs) at the entrance of a cottage crowded with people and pray for a chanced meeting with someone who casually walks out of home and is willing to share some stories of the family /town/community and life in general. Alas, I am yet to fulfill that dream! But, no, I am not giving up my hope, till the last cottage stands in Udwada. 

 

Me outside an old Library building  built in 1938

Closed homes and empty lanes of Udwada

  One of the many closed houses of Udwada

A shop selling material for prayer at Parsi Agiyari, at Udwada

The only two people I could see on the street of Udwada 

One of the many closed homes in Udwada creating curiosity about what it would have been like when people lived in it 

Quiet streets of Udwada where time stands still 

One of the many beautiful cottages of Udwada 

 A quintessential Udwada building, a statement on current situation of the town after migration of most people

Unplanned getaway by the beach

As I write this post, I am feeling gloriously lazy. Blame it on my surprise weekend getaway. The trace of that sweet, incorrigible, idle inertia that is typical of such escapes is still lingering and I am absolutely loving it! 

There is this clamouring scream from within to break out from my frazzled routine and layers of florid world around me and grasp at something real. Often, the eternal nomad in me emerges very strongly and invariably creates revolt when I can't leave Bombay due to personal and professional compulsions. I feel stifled and then it is impossible to stay within the confines of my home no matter how hard pressed I am for time!  

Fortunately, last week, hubby could sense those signs well before I was on the brink of losing my usual positive disposition and get into "life really sucks" mode. He planned a lovely weekend trip to Dahanu, Gholwad, and Bordi; beautiful, sleepy coastal  towns ideal for a weekend if you love doing absolutely nothing except unwinding and walking by the beach, feel sand on your bare feet, gathering beautiful sea shells, gaze at sky on a starlit night or the last loaf of evening Sun creating magical abstracts. 

 

Sea, like rain is an addiction for me. I simply love having a quiet dialogue with the waves while entire world is fast asleep, watching myriad colours and moods of morning /evening and realize in those tranquil moments what a divine luxury doing absolutely nothing and being immersed in Nature is!

Sand with dunes, soft peaks or patterns, creating abstract of different dimensions with every passing moment is always mesmerizing. There is something pious about seemingly lifeless sand, whether it is abundant desert sand or at beach. There is something sublimely fulfilling about watching Sunrise/Sunset by the beach! Listening to waves can be spiritually intoxicating experience! In those few moments I am invariably always transfixed, misty eyed with mellow opulence, contemplating the slow calming of the season. 

It is amazing to witness how the sea never holds on to anything that serves no purpose for it. Each glorious wave that reaches the shore brings something that sea does not need. And it makes me realize what all and how many unnecessary things we hold on to really! The attachments, labels, our roles, perceived identities, beliefs that we continue to be confined to for the sake of comfort of fallacy of security, permanence, stability or sense of belonging. And in those beautiful moments of epiphany there are no compulsions of how life "should be", no conceptual scheme for life, no need for life/circumstances to be "different", no requirement for any change, or fear of losing the control over my life. 

In those few hours spent by the beach with sea changing its rhythm I also witness each moment passing by with profound sense of stillness, reverence and peace. It is hard not to sense the timeless and eternal rounds of life, our place in the mystery of so much bigger than our usual separate sense of self at such tranquil moments! 

I feel rejuvenated in every single pore of my body, mind and spirit! 

Sorry Nirbhaya, we are helpless !

As I write this article, I am shocked, deeply disturbed and outraged by the fact that one of the rapist in Nirbhaya case is out of jail thanks to a technical reason of him being a minor when the gruesome crime was committed!   

As much as I try to detach my emotions from the reason lest it gets clouded, I can't comprehend how a criminal who is capable of committing heinous crimes like rape and barbaric violence can be treated as a minor on basis of sheer technical aspect of law? I am no expert on Indian judiciary hence won't question it but I must say, it failed to do justice to Nirbhaya by letting a juvenile criminal off the hook. I shudder to think that Nirbhaya is no more and one of the culprits responsible for her death is roaming free amidst us, without having been really punished for the actual crime he committed and we have to live with that harsh reality.

Juvenile delinquency is an issue that has suddenly come to light post unfortunate Nirbhaya case. The statistics show that these crimes are on shocking surge and no more just isolated incidents in India. Looking at horrific juvenile crimes one reads about almost every passing day, we need to seriously contemplate if any amendments need to be introduced in juvenile acts.  It is dangerous to let go juvenile criminals without taking appropriate action that is considerate of impact of the crimes committed and sets an example so that others dread to commit such crimes.

I was going through a documentary made on convicts in Nirbhaya case by a journalist last year and the excerpts from the interview of one of the convicts are painfully shocking and while it might brew our blood, it is imperative to check if we are teaching our children right values. 

In Nirbhaya case, media has done remarkable work by making it a mission to bring the whole issue to light right from the day one. Social networking sites have never stopped buzzing and whole Nation is outraged by the sheer brutality of the crime that prompted everyone to speak up and be part of collective conscious. 

My inbox is full with invitations for candle light marches, signature campaigns for changing amendment in juvenile act and a few talks on the subject. Is it enough?  With the way crimes against women are growing I feel, the culture of mass protests doesn't serve much purpose except serving as mere 'feel good factor" in appeasement of our collective conscience. Any means of protest has to be used appropriately to hold potency to provoke discourse and bring the necessary change. 

Every single day, we read about inhuman acts of sexual perversion, abuse, kidnapping, rape, incest, burning, acid attacks, dowry deaths, and so many gruesome acts of oppression of women, across all categories and class, that such news sound very routine. 

Rapists don't belong to any particular city, caste or community. This is a kind of breed is product of environment, that treats women as commodity, to be used, abused and treat inhumanly without iota of guilt or shame. Such mindset gets nurtured from very formative years that deeply ingrain the message that men are superior to women. 

We don't like to admit openly but the truth of our social reality is in female infanticides being devoured by sewage from rural as well as global metro cities. Our reality is in charred bodies in dowry and tandoor deaths. Our reality is, painfully disturbing, rotting stench of female foetus and the hanged bodies of "honour killings". Of course, gender politics and the comprehension of equality and humanism needs to be addressed urgently today. But, changing reality needs changing mindsets, attitudes and behaviour.

Judiciary is not my forte but I hope Nirbhaya case compels Indian judiciary to bring necessary changes so that criminals don't get away and the organized crime networks don't take advantage of such juvenile acts and pose grave danger to society. I hope we also learn to address the major issue of juvenile rehabilitation seriously. It is sad that we lack basic education in humanity and forget that education starts from home. 

R.I.P Jyoti Singh. You certainly didn't deserve to die !!!

Stumbling upon stillness!

Being a person who thrives in urban, metropolitan chaos; it is a reward to find some time alone, just by myself, doing nothing. I crave for absolute isolation and embrace it at every possible opportunity.  I love to shut myself from outside world and am happy with my cave like world, a womb of complete peace, deep inside my cerebrum. Such interludes are always soaked with sacred moments of deep rooted piety and invariably unfold fascinating lessons about life in general. 

Our life has become so harried with zillion things that our minds are deafened with its maddening cadence! Every person is running after some insatiable chase, moving like addicts into unheard, unseen rhythm of uncontrolled chaos! 

Sometimes, I wonder if there must have been times when we human beings were mightily happy and content to just sit and be! How many moments during the day do we actually feel stillness to focus on the moment we are living; the present and deeply enjoy it? Exploring the alchemy of stillness and its beautiful intricacy in otherwise chaotic and often claustrophobic spaces is an art not many of us have mastered.

The reason I am ruminating about “Stillness” today is an interesting experience I recently had during our holidays to Coorg, Karnataka.  

I was taking walk near the place we were staying at; a golf course surrounded by forest and mountains and barely any soul around. While exploring the small path leading to the unknown I stumbled upon a small boy sitting quietly on the steps. It looked as if he was sitting there since ages! His solemn face had so much calm! Despite the dirty clothes, he came across as portrait of purity and radiance. I could not help asking him what he was doing. Surprised by my question he replied with a smile, “Main kuch nahi karta hoon. Sirf hoon”. (“I am not doing anything. I am just being.) His simple, innocent answer bowled me over and kept me thinking about how the boy was able to enjoy the stillness at that young age! He looked part of the whole scene, a small, beautiful piece of a perfect picture, absolutely at peace, just happy to BE!

Some occurrences are understood in essence but very difficult to describe in words. When we refer to stillness, we think about cutting ourselves from the world, away from all the chaos. But discovering contours of stillness doesn’t necessarily entail a long journey to the woods. It can be encountered all around us and can be inhabited with complete surrender to the moment, like that little boy.

Far too often we miss out open, playful little moments to this long, unending scroll of floating world; a lyrical stream of tenderness running through life right amidst the chaos and cacophony. There are several moments that offer “vismaya”, that elevating sense of wonder our scriptures talk about. All we need to do is just embrace these simple, poignant moments and realize that stillness is not about external aesthetics but a complete surrender to poignant journey within and discovering our own creative, spiritual pulse and in those magical moments finding the universe resonating tranquil peace. It is in such moments that we discover nucleus of intellect, creativity and even spirituality and find ourself anew in this  solemn journey!  

“Be still.

Stillness reveals the secrets of eternity” 

 - Lao Tzu

A long pause for finding my song

It is has been really long since I picked up my camera and went for shoot or typed out all the posts that I keep writing in my head every single day. Yeah, it is very unlike me. 

I have been experiencing a strange phase off lately! There are times when something within you compels you to be silent and stay still. Times when you naturally remain withdrawn and just witness the world around you and listen! I believe, when our heart leads us somewhere, it is always for a reason and when the inner core revolts for serious attention, we need to follow and find out the reason behind it.   

There is range of emotions I have experienced in last few months; from feeling irresolute, conflicted, discordant, uneasy, unmoved, uninspired and sometimes completely numbed, overwhelmed with the challenges life continues to pose incessantly. 

If you are a regular reader of this blog you would know my mother in law is fighting cancer. After two surgeries and a heart attack last year, there are signs of cancer being relapsed and some serious psychiatric issues are getting very complex to cope up with. Being the primary care taker of such patients is devastatingly difficult and it can devour your physical, mental and emotional stamina and at some point you wish to run away from it all because beyond a point, it becomes far too much to deal with. The realization of helplessness slowly sinks in and you learn that there is absolutely nothing more left in you to offer. 

Cancer not only kills its victims, it brings a paradigm shift within families, its equations and tests its strength each passing day. The experience breaks you piece by piece and your heart compels you to go on "silent mode". Usually this change brings us closer to who we really are, allowing us to discover our true self and to be more authentic. In the process, we heal not by fixing the broken but by rediscovering ourselves in those fragments and let the pain reveal some frightening mysteries of life and help us learn to accept the change we must surrender to, unconditionally.

 

Yeah, it is difficult to have faith in God sometimes in such situations but he keeps sending signals. Like yesterday, I received a beautiful mail from a very dear friend and he writes, "You are hurting. Start writing! Get out of house with that camera. Claim yourself back. You need to find your song back girl!" He shared the following story.

"Finding your song"

There is a beautiful tradition within the Ubuntu African tribe. When a woman knows she is pregnant, she goes into the jungle with other women and together they pray and meditate until they get the “song” of the child. Once they get it, it is a custom to teach the song to the rest of the tribe. When the child is born, the tribe comes together and sings the song over the child. It becomes a beautiful part of their identity.

The song continues to be sung over them as they grow. When they fall ill or get injured, disturbed or are not in their spirits they get picked up and someone sings their song back to them. It is about reminding them who they are and singing them back into their true identity. 

Isn't it lovely to have someone in your life who knows your song very well, cares to remind you and loves you truly to sing it back to you when you need to listen to it? I have journeyed through seasons when I have needed my ‘song’ sung back to me. 

I hope to get back my tune at the earliest.