My toughest lesson from 2019 !

As I write this long due post, the world outside is gearing up for the New Year eve party, super excited and getting ready to look best and pose for Instagram friendly perfect pictures. There is cheer in the air and beautiful sense of hope and promise, a perfect placebo to cling on to sail through yet another brand, new year! 

2019 has been an eventful year for me. It was a mixed bag actually! The year awarded important achievements, lessons, fulfillment, success, failures, disappointments, health scare and a few regrets. And the most difficult part has been learning acceptance. 

Yes, I learned to accept things that are beyond control and move on without bitterness only after getting biggest jolt that scared the hell out of me. Life has a strange way of teaching lessons when we tend to ignore the signs it keeps throwing at us. 

It happened with me too. About two months back, while going for lectures for the study course undertaken this year, I found myself in mini pool of blood in a cab. Horrified at the extent of torture I had inflicted upon myself by ignoring health completely, the realization of my recklessness sunk in bruising ego with reminder "I am no Super woman". And this was drilled further by total ban on multitasking zillion things after a minor surgery and confinement of rest for few weeks. 

I must admit, past two years in particular have been going on with life as if I was running after some insatiable chase, moving like an addict into unseen, unheard rhythm of uncontrolled chaos. Perhaps I was trying to make up for previous three years that I lost out completely, confined to home when my mother in law was detected with Cancer and I had to be her primary caretaker. In the process, the impact of doing so started to show in every single cell of my body revolting from time to time. The fatigue finally showed up bringing along some physical health issues that needed urgent attention which translated into life coming to a standstill. The time, energy and focus had to be completely shifted to healing myself physically and emotionally.

Of course, it didn't go down well to give up things I had invested my time and energy into for so long. How does one convince someone who lives under fallacious notion that 50s are great fun? (Blame it on those articles in fancy womens' magazines going gaga over entering 50 with élan!) Oh, I was mightily chuffed to have entered 50 just few days back thinking life is all sorted and it is time to claim myself back and have that well deserved kick ass fun one reads about in magazines and web! Nobody warned me I was entering dark world of hormones acting funny, thinning of hair, aching joints, thickening waist, mood swings and unexpected tears at the most bizarre moments! 

The impact was evidently visible on this blog too. Writing articles was very much on my radar but never managed to keep them regular due to pressure on time and energy. And then there were moments of self - doubt. "I have lost touch" I kept telling myself staring blankly at the screen while words jumbled in my mind teasingly! And believe me, I have often ended up writing articles in my mind while doing some random work at the oddest place and time.

For quite some time I have been withdrawn, just observing world around and listen; listening to my body and paying attention to health. And as much as I have missed doing zillion things that I am used to do all my life, it has helped me shifting focus from deadlines and crazy schedules to myself and everything I feel passionate about and that includes writing. I do intend to be regular on this blog henceforth.

It is time I write all those stories that have been brimming in my head but somehow never found a way to this blog. Yes, I plan to do just that in the New Year 2020! Stay tuned!  

Wishing all the readers of this blog a very happy New Year 2020! May almighty give us strength to rejoice simplicity of life an peace!