I am confined to complete rest since last few days. Call it self-imposed punishment for all the torture I inflict upon myself by ignoring warning signs of pains and aches of fatigue that emerge from every single cell of my body, threatening to revolt from time to time.
It is almost a week since I surrendered to complete rest and my heart is already trying to seduce me to go back to zillion things that I love doing. The huge dent on my ego is when my body fails to keep up with the pace of my heart and spirit. Witnessing that constant struggle is quite an eye opener!
Days glide languidly into nights. I catch fleeting naps before daylight drenches Bombay skies again. I am awake mostly at nights till wee hours and that is a HUGE challenge for me. Silence and stillness of the night comfortably slip into rhythm of my house while I keep tossing endlessly to get some sleep, in vain.
On some nights, past few cups of green tea or coffee, I look outside the window listening to creaks and sighs that break the silence. A scratchy sound of the plane flying high or dogs from far across the street, trying to settle their scores with barks and snarls, appear to be only a temporary distraction.
It is strange I am not able to enjoy reading or watch TV despite having so much time at my disposal. There are some private spaces of memories that emerge unannounced and are unwilling to leave creating riot that makes me more fragile.
I light a candle and Amber incense from Aurovile that engulfs my room with its tender light and fragrance. The illuminated Buddha sculpture provides some company with its tranquil vibes. I am soaked into its powerful energy and try to meditate. The magical fragrance of Champa, Mogra and Madhumalati flowers wafts through my windows. I feel serene and realize I am much more than my physical body.
I wonder, if I have scored enough spiritual brownie points to be with Buddha in heaven!
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