Looking for light at end of the tunnel

It has been a while since I had time to post my weekly articles here. I have never missed a single post in all these years since this blog was started and believe me, I feel sad that other priorities of life have taken over and left me with no choice. Sometimes, extraordinary circumstances compel us to shuffle our priorities and it is better that we don't mess with what life demands.  

It is interesting how often I keep writing articles in my mind from the most unthinkable places or in midst of bizarre situations. This post comes to you straight from the hospital where most of our last three months have been spent due to my mother in law's cancer. 

This is yet another stressful evening. I take aimless walks in the corridors outside the ICU, look at the unusually overcast, grey sky from a distant window with my sullen eyes. My mother in law is out of yet another surgery and taken to ICU. She suffered a mild heart attack post surgery. I wonder how much suffering life still has in store for her!

Last evening, as I sat beside her; listening to her yet another session of never ending tales, I witnessed scroll of a long life of seven and a half decades! Life full of tales of brave triumphs, struggles, guilt, bitter admissions, resentments for unfulfilled dreams and above all, a life that despite all the oddities, struggling to hold on to hope which seems to be losing by each day. Her fragile body and mind suffering with psychiatric problems fight to stay agile and relevant in the last lag of life. Have you ever observed, life has completely different meaning when one faces death in its eye? 

Past few months have also changed the dynamics within the family. When tragedy strikes, that happens very often. Some bonds strengthen further and some collapse opening one's eyes to shocking truths about relationships. In last three months, we have been subjected to ruthless scrutiny, insensitive, intrusive remarks by some people leaving us saddened in this tough time when we need moral support from everyone who truly care for us.

Inflicting pain seems to be uniquely human trait because in Nature, creatures kill one another for the sake of food, dominance or territory. Why do we do it? Why do we stand by and watch others passively while they suffer and add to their pain and attain joy out of it?

It has been months since me and my family stopped doing anything that we usually do on a normal, routine day. Ah, the very thought of being able to spare some time for Sunday brunch/movie/art exhibition/spa, relaxing at home, calling friends over or visiting them or just all of us spending a languid Sunday doing absolutely nothing in particular and still having fun  etc seems a very distant possibility! 

Sometimes, weight of love and duty is too much to bear! I am already on the brink, waiting for some respite, looking for some light at end of the tunnel.