Burden of that dark cloud

Mumbai witnessed yet another tragic incident of bomb blast on 13/07/11 and life stood still for some time. Since then, I have been feeling very wobbly emotionally. My usual chirpy self has hidden behind some dark cloud that keeps hovering around; chasing me like a killer, consumed with pursuit of unreasonable satiety. The questions proffered in my mind are macabre and so are the answers; very uncomfortable and suffocating.

Ignoring media's appetite for sensation even in grief stricken times seems veritable triumph. The social networking sites come across as embodiment of the common rage that is deeply rooted in our minds and which we share. When shocking events of this magnitude are packed in such short time, it is too much to comprehend! (Almost 20 people died and hundreds got seriously injured, in the bomb blasts!)

The very thought of not knowing, when such mindless killings would ever stop; where and when would these attacks happen again and would I and my family members/loved ones, be lucky next time and finding answer to the most disturbing question "why these killings", often leaves me with cerebral chaos. Every day, I keep telling myself, "It's a new day, full of hope! I won't let ANYTHING stop me from life" and struggle to hold on to it and keep afloat. Unknowingly, the anxiety and insecurity floats back in my mind that weighs my soul. Each passing day, I try to hold on to fragments of fragile optimism and feel like I am walking over thin ice!

When life suddenly presents us such tragic occurrences, we realize the comfort of unconditional love. We realize value of nurturing sensitivity, compassion, goodness and purposefulness that comes with the strong belief that life is a privileged energy to have and it helps garner immense strength, especially when faced with some tragic events.

It is strange how life poses situations that compel us to reflect within. The bomb blasts in Mumbai, again made me wonder, do we truly appreciate life till something tragic happens to us? Do we really know our blessings?   How little do we understand our joys? How often do we bring our best energy to spaces of awareness so that we appreciate what a beautiful gift life is?

 "Life is a shipwreck but we must not forget to sing in the lifeboats." - Voltaire. 
 

These days, I keep telling myself,again and again, "Smile today. Don't wait for tomorrow. Zindagi na milegi dobara.There is only one life. Enjoy to the fullest, every day." Do I sound like a life coach? I didn't intend to!

Paper boats in the puddle...

Since last one week, it is raining beautifully. Rain has changed Nature's canvas sublimely, providing a soothing calm. It is such a gratifying respite from the sweltering heat! I enjoy watching rain from my bedroom window. As the wind gushes and flirts with plenty of wind chimes in my house, it creates fascinating, rhythmic intonations, rendered in perfect harmony. The tiny raindrops that the wind brings have therapeutic quality to them and when I feel its magical caress on my skin, every single cell of my body is rejuvanated! The hypnotic, heavenly fragrance of wet earth takes me to a completely different world! Rain weaves such a magic on everyone! It helps disconnecting ourselves from concrete reality of our urban landscapes and get immersed with Nature.

Last evening, it was raining very heavily and I went to call my son, playing football in the rain. It was getting slightly dark and all I could listen to, was steady pattering of the raindrops and shrill cries of the children. As I walked towards the play area in my building, suddenly my son came from nowhere and hugged me tight. I was about to get angry, looking at his dirty clothes when he said, "not done mom! Why don't you forget that umbrella and enjoy the rain?" He snatched my umbrella and dragged me with him to the garden of my building.  He showed me lush green leaves, cozily nestling the raindrops. "Isn't it perfect mom? The way you love it? " Before I answered, he said, "let's search for some paper boats in the puddles. Those are only things missing!"

I was surprised, when my son suggested we take a walk exploring rain! For a teenage boy like him, there is nothing more exciting and adrenaline pumping like a game of football in the rain with friends! As we started walking in our premises, we spotted some toddlers trying to catch the rain in their tiny palms. They were in the rain coats and gumboots, accompanied by their nannies who were watching the children carefully, lest they get wet. In the backdrop of beautifully manicured, well maintained garden and spotlessly clean cement road in the building, experiencing rain was mesmerizing! It was just the way I love, rain sans any grime! My son talked about how fascinated he used to be with the paper boats of different shapes, colors and sizes that I used to make for him and his friends, when he was a little younger.

As we neared the main gate of our building, my son noticed a child with his mother, a few meters away across the road at one of the temporary shanties meant for the workers, at the construction site. The mother was having a tough time stopping the child from going in the rain as they were dangerously close to the main road, full with traffic. The child, barely four, was hell bent on playing with the water that was gushing towards the gutter near their shack. My son asked me to wait for him and rushed back home. After a while, he returned with a plastic bag in his hand, full with paper boats, and I realized what was on his mind.

We walked down to the mother and child across the road. My son called the child and started putting paper boats in the water. The child, initially shy, looked so delighted looking at the boats sailing off! The sense of wonder in his eyes (a rare thing to find in urban children generally) was unfathomable! Soon, few other children started gathering and enjoy watching the boats with amazing excitement! After spending some time with those children, when we returned, there was a divine feeling inside us!

Last evening was special to me in many ways. I not only enjoyed the rain with my son after long time but also realized that no matter how big he grew, he still cherished those little moments and valued them immensely. I hope and pray that he continues to share things with everyone just like the way he did, last evening with those children. I loved it when he left his game just to be with me. I know he has his own beautiful world but I am still an important part of it. And that feeling is precious! Don't I often say I'm very blessed?

A crime of passion

Last few days, Indian media has again been engulfed with Neeraj Grover murder case which has heightened peoples' interest ; considering the nature of the crime and all the drama it entailed. With Maria Susairaj being released, many people have questioned if justice has been really served.

What intrigues me in this entire episode is not the concern about justice or the strong reactions from the people who feel Maria, being equally responsible for the crime should be hanged. I have full faith in our judiciary system. I am boggled by the the attention Maria Susairaj is receiving, after her release and the way she has successfully managed to manipulate media.

Looking at her photographs in the newspapers was disturbing. The photographs show her walk past the policemen who look at her admiringly, as if she is some great celebrity! The social networking sites have been set aflame by so much interest in Maria's future that the whole issue of her being involved in heinous crime seems to have diluted. There is a lot of buzz layered with awe, about how she bagged some reality show that would fetch her fortune and now that she is a known "celebrity" her future is set to roar. I feel SICK to the core. 

I almost threw up while watching Maria Susairaj and her lawyer at the press conference, on television. Her lawyer tried to convince media that the victim's body was not cut into 300 pieces, by presenting a photograph as proof. I found that audacious act of convicted criminal which was carefully staged by her lawyer, absolutely VULGAR!

This is what we have become as society? Nothing affects us? With every passing day, learning about new crimes that shame us as human beings; makes me wonder what is happening to our collective intelligence and conscious? Crime has become such an integral part of our life that we don't find it worth paying attention, more than a few tweets and some status uploads on social networking sites! 

In the times when even most gruesome crimes are covered by media in salacious manner to cater the insatiable need of its audience and for its own survival, what can one expect? The Neeraj Grover murder case, I feel, is not only a crime of passion but also a crime of mindless ambition and greed. It doesn't serve to bury our head in sand and ignore the blatant social reality. With every single day, I feel there is great need to contemplate and listen to our conscious that plays great role in determining our character. And by that, I mean, character of not only us as individuals  but also as whole society. Let us pause and reflect where we are headed.

Going berserk over a baby!

Last week, my maids almost disowned me when they realized I didn't know about Mrs.Aishwarya Rai Bachhan's pregnancy! It was when they arrived on their usual time but instead of heading for their respective work, kept on gossiping for long time that made me panic, suspecting some conspiracy against me. I was petrified with the very thought of upsetting any of the three, as all are very essential part for my survival and sanity. 

When I nervously approached them and asked why they had not begun the work, they told me that they were too overjoyed with the news of Mrs. Bachhan's pregnancy and were debating if she would have a baby boy or a girl! I ignored their excitement and asked them to resume the work as I was getting late for my meeting (of course, that earned me "what a bore you are" look from them).

Later, when I was checking my mails and social networking sites, I found the same news, sensationalized all over in media and everybody was regaling Mrs. Bachhan's pregnancy. Some comments on social networking sites, were intelligent, some brilliantly funny and some nastily intrusive and insensitive. What really got to my nerves was the obsession of people with it (witnessing maids, driver, neighbour, school going kids, movie buff friends, lady at the bank counter, member of your portfolio management team at the meeting and even a perfect stranger talking about it can drive you absolutely nuts. Believe me!!!).

The way media is going gung-ho about the news everyday, I feel, by the time Mrs. Bachhan delivers her baby, entire nation would have gained remarkable knowledge in the field of obstetrics! I am on verge of throwing up. Really! What else do you feel when country's collective intelligence is obsessed with this kind of demented rhetoric? 

Being a mother myself, I perfectly understand how beautiful it is to welcome new life. I am glad that we are still sensitive enough to be happy for other people. But then, why we aren't moved by the thousands of orphan babies? While we are busy discussing the right diet for Mrs. Bachhan's second trimester, do we even think about the children dying due to malnutrition? Why am I surprised? For the country that is possessed with Bollywood and cricket, nothing else really matters!

I am happy for the Bachhan family and God bless their bundle of joy. It is time we leave them with some private moments for the new journey that they are entitled to take, as family. It is time we realized, there is life beyond Bollywood and get on with it at the earliest. For God's sake!

 

Shakti and the "SLUT walk"

                                    Goddess Durga, "Shakti"

Recently, two news items caught my attention. One was about, India being ranked "fourth most dangerous country" in the world for women (should we even wonder why we earned this honour?!!) and the other, about women taking "SLUT walks", in different parts of the world, including India! Wow. Should we be really surprised?

Every single day, we read about inhuman acts of sexual perversion, abuse, kidnapping, rape, incest, burning, acid attacks, dowry deaths, and so many gruesome acts of oppression of women, across all categories and class, that such news sound very "routine." We have mastered the art of conveniently ignoring this uncomfortable truth which earns our attention only when some "high profile" person is involved in such crimes. 

Ask any woman, how it feels to be raped through eyes of sick men with deviant minds. Listen to their pain and humiliation of being groped by some pervert at the crowded place. We claim to honour and worship Goddess Shakti and respect her personification in women. We take pride in "Indian culture" and our "age old traditions" and fight for it when it is threatened. Let's do the realty check. 

None of the crimes I mentioned above, really shame us! The truth of our reality is in female infanticides being devoured by sewages from rural as well as "global" metro cities. Our reality is charred bodies in dowry and tandoor deaths. Our reality is, painfully disturbing, rotting stench of female foetuses, and the hanged bodies "honour killings". This is our TRUE "culture" and the manner in which we "honour" women. I know, it is difficult to swallow this truth because we consider ourselves "highly civilized"!

Interestingly, when I googled SLUT walk India (I don't know what impact "SLUT walk" Delhi, will have and if it would die out after enjoying immense attention from media), I found many comments by Indian men trying to get some perverse titillation by posing questions like, "are the women going to dress in mini skirts and bras?", "how foolish it is that Indian women are aping western women by trying to stoop down to such vulgar acts and by participating, they are going to ruin their honour (izzat) and country's image (!!!)" Most of the responses have already deemed the likely participants immoral, slandering their character!

I am NOT a feminist. And I DON'T believe that all men are perverts. As a human being, every time I read about oppression of women, or for that matter any human being, I lament death of basic humanness that connects us all. I bemoan lack of will and vigilance that any civilized society should display and be accountable for. I am deeply saddened to learn that we still lack the basic education in humanity. 

"Love and respect woman. Look to her not only for comfort, but for strength and inspiration and the doubling of your intellectual and moral powers. Blot out from your mind any idea of superiority; you have none.” - Giuseppe Mazzini.