Discontent by default design

I happened to bump into a neighbour from our previous house where we lived for quite long time. I used to be pretty friendly with this lady initially but as the time passed and I realized, we didn't have anything common and keeping relations with her was a big drain on time and energy, I consciously withdrew from her. My problem with her is that she is one of those people who live their life on typical "auto-pilot" mode, incessantly crib about everything and feel that life is very unfair to them. I excused myself with apologetic face before she could start story of her horrible, pitiable life!

Who has time to listen to "You know, my wife/hubby would never understand". "I have moved on and it is amusing to see him/her trying to get my attention." "My hubby is so sweet, he is taking us to Europe for vacation but I don't want his parents to accompany us." "My hubby has such great connections that at any given time, there would be at least hundred people eager to help him should there be any need, anywhere under the Sun but he doesn't know how to use them." I NEVER have time for such conversations. There are better things to do in life for God's sake! 

You know, some people always seem 'stuck' wherever they are in some sphere of their life or other! If you pay attention, you would also find that entire focus of their life is on problems instead of finding solutions! ("You know, driver is on leave, I can't go out." "If you don't drive, take an air-conditioned taxi." "But it's so hot!")  The list of "problems" is endless and constant sense of lack surfaces in everything they do. ("I am not rich like you. I have to think about budget." "I can't go out alone like you/ I don't get time to pursue my hobbies like you. You are so lucky!") Notice that comparison? Try recommending that to be financially more secure, it makes sense to be mindful about investments, take informed decisions, save wisely and curtail expenses or being able to spend time on one's hobbies needs strict time management so that the priorities don't get messed, the immediate reaction would be defending the stand taken so far. Are these people unhappy really? I feel they are bored to death and don't know what to do with their life or don't wish to do anything about their life as they are too comfortably settled where they are and sadly they don't realize it! 

I am not a life coach so why I am talking about this issue today? I have no business talking about other people or how they should live their life and I am not setting myself above the fray. The reason why this topic came to my mind is a casual question asked by my ex colleague recently, "how come you always have everything in life?" My answer was, "because I deserve it." I was tempted to tell her that my "perfect" life (as perceived by her) is not at all 'perfect" and I have learnt to take the imperfections in my stride and focus on what truly matters. I wanted to tell her that my life is a 24/7 hard work and it is a continuous process of learning and unlearning but I knew she wouldn't hear any of it as she had already decided I was plain lucky!

When we think about life; how it is going, it is not just some random time frame that we talk about. It is about quality of daily routine, on daily basis. How we invest our time and energy determines overall quality of life. Interestingly, in my observation, people who complain about lack of time, money, freedom, personal connection in relationships invariably have serious issues regarding self-esteem/confidence/control and end up doing same things (if it is a weekend, it means, going to the mall/watching movie/eating out) with same set of friends/social group, without realizing the need to expand the horizons. There is nothing wrong in mundane if it makes one happy but then why complain and resent others who achieve better in life? And by achievement, I don't just mean material achievements.  

In times when our work responsibilities, modern, urban living demand so much  of our time that its all the more important to be mindful about choices we make, think about with whom and how we spend our time, what we spend our energy on, what we do when professional/social responsibilities don't demand our time/energy. Most of the time, life just passes by! Our habits, interests, passions, routines, pursuits of goals/dreams (if at all there are any) and the way we go about it, reveal a great deal about who we truly are. 

The quality of life depends on our deeply rooted conditioning and how ready we are to make changes should there be any need. A small deliberate gesture to bring some change no matter how uncomfortable it may appear in the beginning can help one explore the possibilities of understanding what ticks us, makes us happy and give us fresh perspective on the way we live our life. Even if the change doesn't click for some reason, it still helps to bring us closer to things that might work for us. The continuous exploring possibilities help us define what we really want and who we truly are. And if the change resonates with our values/interests/dreams/goals, we should embrace it whole heartedly.

What we don't realize sometimes is that any amount of money no matter how obscene, a great career or the most enviable lifestyle is not going to ensure fulfillment and peace in life IF our life is not aligned well with our core values/goals/dreams that define our true being. Nothing is permanent in life; even our own selves are constantly born anew. The beauty lies in enjoying those fluid moments of constantly learning, growing and becoming new every single day. When we are willing to change, there are immense possibilities waiting to embrace us and help us widen our horizon. The problem is how ready we are really?  

    

Rhythm divine, call of the "Dhakis"

With arrival of autumn, the whiff of festivities gets thicker in the air bringing in lot of joy, hope, celebration of remnants of traditional customs and rituals, a much deserved respite from our daily grind.

I have always been very fascinated by the traditional drummers fron Bengal; Dhakis and their Dhunuchi Naach, an integral part of  puja celebrations. Its only around this time of the year that one gets to listen to them in full glory of their art form and watch them swirl to the rhythm of Dhaks, (a percussion instrument from Bengal) on every beat. Once Dhakis strap their Dhaks around their shoulders and start playing, the mood of puja suddenly livens up.

The soothing sound of Dhak holds immense magnetic pull and the moment the first beat is played, people start surrounding Dhakis, whirling, singing and dancing with Dhunuchi (coconut husks and herbs placed in earthen pots) in their hands. And suddenly, seemingly ordinary drummers are transformed into different beings; lost in their performance and worship of Maa Durga  adding divine grandeur with lot of energy and reverence, bringing in true essence of the puja. With different rhythms played for different occasions, this carnival of sound is something that one must experience to understand its enthralling magic.

The most alluring aspect for me during Durga puja, is watching conflux of old and new generations, reunion of traditional and modern, varied hues of life, each, in perfect harmony with other in celebration.

I overheard an old gentleman explaining his grandson how music of the Dhaks connects to our heart beat and how it has always been integral part of culture, tradition and life. The joy on face of that old gentleman while teaching his grandson swinging to the beat, was brimming with great nostalgia and I could not help thinking there could not be any better way to bring families together and get in touch with the roots. 

There is ethereal beauty to the energy at puja pandals despite all the chaos of the commercialization. After participating in Dhunuchi naach to my heart's content, I returned transformed; overjoyed, bubbling with loads of positive energy.   

Shubho Bijoya! May goddess Durga, bless you and your family!

Forget world peace, can we be human first?

Sometimes, I struggle really hard to stay away from writing about events that involve violence and human rights violation for a simple reason that such incidents are extremely painful to cope with, emotionally draining and their impact is too deep to shrug off and carry on with life as if nothing has changed just because I am not affected by it!

Yesterday, I read an article shared by one of my Facebook friends about a young mother of two, being stoned to death in Pakistan, for possessing a cell phone! The story is going viral since last two days on internet. I also read couple of articles on atrocities inflicted during recent terrorist attacks in a mall in Nairobi, dormitory in Nigeria and brutal killings in Muzaffarnagar during the recent communal riots. It is beyond my comprehension to understand such abhorrent acts of killings!  

On one hand, our national/global leaders talk a lot about "world peace" and on other, we end up being subjected to gruesome acts of terrorism every single day; whether it is at swanky high end mall in Nairobi, Damascus-Syria, Quetta-Pakistan, Afghanistan, U.S.A, India or "religious" extremists gunning down fifty sleeping students in a dormitory in Nigeria. There is a deeply disturbing trend of cult of hatred becoming a global epidemic endorsed by religious extremists. 

I fail to understand logic behind any religion that demands people from other religions to be killed! Its difficult to fathom politics of hatred that makes inhuman acts of violence not a regrettable necessity but the whole point and make people who subscribe to their ideologies, barbaric savages. With high stakes invested in terrorism, it has become a new currency to establish religious, political and economic power games for global domination. 

I am shocked by the mad fury of blood thirst whether it is the inhuman way people were killed at Nairobi mall or killings in Muzaffarnagar. Why just killing people was not enough that sawing and hacking humans had to happen? What kind of people don't flinch while shooting innocent people, including women and children? We remain savage both as a nation and as a race. 

How many of us would have courage to look into the eyes of a terrorist and tell him, "you are a bad man. Let us leave."?  Elliott Prior, a four year old kid, one of the survivors of the Kenya shopping mall terrorist attack, found that courage and confronted the armed "jihadi"after seeing his mother being shot in the thigh. Reading story of this little boy is truly inspiring! It gives some ray of hope that its okay to confront what is not right and question it. If a four year old can be brave enough in the most vulnerable situation that could cost him his life, can't we all look within and think if this is the kind of world we wish to leave for our children? If not, then what are we doing about it? 

"There is no flag large enough to cover shame of killing innocent people." Howard Zinn .

Please don't deny my love pumpkin!

"Heyy! whats up babe?"

"Whattttt?"

"Is it right time?

I'm sorry who is ....?"

"Listen jaan,I know you are angry about last night. You KNOW I didn't mean to hurt you love."

"Huh!!!?"

"Can we meet for lunch at our favourite place? I will take you for shopping at Palladium and then whatever you say for the whole day. Please?? I am not in mood to work until we sort out things between us. I wasn't myself last night. I want to start with clean slate.I'm so sorry shweetiepie!!"

"Hmmmm but..."

"Will you stop that?(irritated). Why do you always do this to me? Haven't we already been through this thousand times? You get a kick when I plead. Don't you?

THIS is your problem. When I try to make it up, you stretch unnecessarily and we end up fighting all the more!"

"Hello,I think you have got the wrong..."

"Okay listen, I know you want an apology. And I do agree, you deserve a PROPER one."

"Hello, Excuse me!"
"Now what? You know, you are driving me nuts pumpkin!! Didn't I say I was sorry?"

(A loud, uncontrolable laughter).

"Look,I want you to forget about break-up. DONT LAUGH!!!"

"WOULD YOU PLEASE LISTEN TO ME FOR ONCE???
I Think you have dialled a wrong number and you are talking to a wrong person."

"Holy s...!

F... Y.. Bitch!"

Interesting! The jerk abuses his girlfriend/wife/whatever, wants to make up for it and when dials a wrong number and bombards without listening, I become a bitch!!! 

I hope that his shweetiepie, pumpkin dials my number and I get to listen her side of story too! 

Some stories are far too juicy to hear in parts!  
Life never ceases to entertain me!

Would I leave a ding in the universe?

I recently went to Baroda to attend my late father's "shraddha", on his first death anniversary. In a very short span of a day during the rituals, my mind was occupied with memories making me go through mixed emotions, leaving my sentiments bit wobbly. I returned, engulfed with restlessness; result of yet another reminder of how things changed within the family post my parents' demise in last three years! 

Last evening, while walking on the beach, (my favourite place I visit when I feel the need to calm down) looking at the foot prints on the sand, a lot of memories with my parents were played on my mind; beautiful, abundant memories of a very blessed childhood, memories that brought out best associations with neighbours and extended family members conveying great reverence for my parents that made me feel proud.

Its strange how in spite of knowing that my parents have journeyed well and it was natural for them to depart, I sometimes crave for their physical presence to preserve my link, comfort and indescribably potent sense of security. Try as we may, to prepare ourselves for the departure of those who have been part of our lives, how difficult it is to remain stoic when the moment actually arrives! 

Have you ever observed how the beach unfolds lot of stories of the people passed by before us? We walk different paths leaving different foot prints. Some play, some run, some walk erratically, alone, others, with someone special, making castles while some just sit gazing at the horizon and waves. Some people ensure to erase foot prints of people passed before them, while some walk gently without disturbing anything in the surrounding, enjoying every step. Many of us don't leave foot prints because of where and how we choose to walk while some foot prints are rooted so deeply that even the waves are not able to erase them!

Looking at the way my parents touched so many lives, I can't help thinking, when I am gone, would I have made any difference to a few lives? Am I walking a right path to be like a fossil; leave an impression on sand that solidifies into rock so that many years later people can marvel about life I lived, literally and metaphorically?  

"When its over, I want to say; all my life I was a bride married to amazement. I was a bridegroom, taking the world into my arms. When it is over, I don't want to wonder if I have made of my life something particular, and real. I don't want to find myself sighing and frightened and full of argument. I don't want to end up simply having visited this world." Mary Oliver

This quote reminds me of Steve Job's wish to leave a ding in the universe. It isn't about passing through. Its about leaving a mark. Ever thought, what is your mark going to be?