Meeting little superheroes

It was more out of commitment that I dragged myself and put on my happy face and headed to St. Jude Child Care Center at Tata Memorial Hospital for Cancer treatment and research, last Sunday; not really knowing what to expect except hovering death hounded by critical illness. I had injured myself and was in deep pain and at one point, was tempted to call it off but fortunately I didn't listen to that voice inside me.  

When I reached with my son to the children's ward, my pain vanished completely and I found instead, beautiful, profound lessons on how to live every moment of life. The real inspiration came from the children suffering from dreadful disease of cancer; so young, so strong willed and full of life! They were of a varied lot and the astounding thing about these kids was that other than their masks, bald heads and other obvious evident symptoms of cancer that gave away their condition, they looked and behaved normal like any other kid of their age. 

One of the most endearing experiences was when a toddler sat in my lap without any hesitation; I cautiously rested my arm around him and when his warm, frail fingers gently entwined into mine, tightly, there was rush of emotions that is beyond words! 

The innocence and vulnerability of children in the cancer ward was so troubling that I could not find courage to speak with the parents much. Looking at their sullen stares and burden of everyday struggle of not knowing what each day held for their apple of eye, I knew my sympathy, no matter how genuine seemed too hollow against the enormity of their pain.    

There was only one question I had in my mind, why them? The children were so young that they didn't deserve to be there. They needed the comfort of their own homes, fights with siblings, play in gay abandon, which was preferable to this comfortable but impersonal place like hospitals.


It is strange how easily we forget what a precious gift life is. Looking at all the painful stories around me, I was choked. Thankfully, I met two wonderful people Mr. Agastya kapoor and his lovely wife Bindiya, the organizers of the event,I learnt about their great initiative Someone.Somewhere.; http://www.someonesomewhere.org/ that provides community service through  unique events and helps out people in need.

When I saw Mr. Agastya Kapoor, talking about animation films, connecting with children with great ease, make them laugh, and engaging them in fun conversation, encouraging children to make greeting cards for Indian soldiers, I was touched. It is in moments like this, when our faith in humanity is strengthened. 


I thanked Mr. Agastya Kapoor, his wife and my facebook friend Ranjit Uzgare, whom I met for first time through this event, for inviting me and left with heavy heart haunted by piercing gaze of helpless parents of children at cancer ward. The only respite was the beautiful and positive energy Mr. Agastya Kapoor had created that brought lot of smile on children's face. I took back with me a lot more than I had anticipated; the unforgettable smiles on children's face and their inspiring angelic spirit. I said a silent prayer and kept my eyes closed till we reached home and when my son told me with a lump in his throat, "mom, we have reached home." I knew he was as deeply moved and was praying too.     

My super cool Lord Krishna is missing !

"Looks like, Lord Krishna is spoilt for choice when it comes to political parties", said my son, in jest, looking at posters full of photographs of local politicians, sponsoring Janmashtami celebration in the area. Poor Lord Krishna looked precarious in the posters, almost invisible amid the crowd of politicians vying for attention. There was a complete mayhem on the road with plenty of trucks full of "govindas", hunched in their colourful tees and bandanas trying to enjoy every bit of fleeting moments of glory coming their way. Each truck represented a candidate from some political party. Govindas, dancing to the tunes of blaring Bollywood numbers were adding to the ruckus.

If you live in Mumbai, perhaps, you may not find anything unusual in the scene I described. Problem is, with each passing year, the competition to flaunt political clout becomes much intense around such festival celebrations, luring people with obscene amount of prize money. I find this trend deeply disturbing.

I was very fortunate to have had a childhood that gave me exposure to various cultures and taught me to respect and value the cultural differences. I remember having celebrated most Indian festivals in a very simple, unique yet beautiful style.

As a child, Janmashtami meant collecting money from every possible house in neighbourhood with bunch of playmates and friends; buying clay toys and decorating the venue to recreate the scene of Bal Krishna's birth. It meant, being transformed into completely different world that was introduced by granny's endless stories of Lord Krishna and finally being part of it in some beautiful little way.

The joy of decorating the venue with clay toys like small white cows, idols of Vasudev and Devaki, a special colourful cradle, where embellished version of Bal Gopal was placed was beyond words. I still remember that feeling when a generous neighbour donated princely sum of fifty or hundred rupees! (During those days, donations generally ranged between ten to twenty rupees). 

The entire experience was more of exercise of learning essence of team work, leadership, organizational and management skills. Now when I look back I can't stop thinking what a farce we have made of our beautiful festivals! The very essence of the festivals, its ethos is completely lost. Quintessence of bonding of various cultures around these festivals is replaced by vulgar display of power, money, political one up-man-ship and perverse influence of Bollywood glamour.

Faith in Almighty/God/religion is difficult to put in words and it is a very unique and personal experience. This very faith helps us hold life with equanimity and drive our emotions to surpass worldly boundaries and govern that unseen, infinite power within us. But when this very faith is altered for the sake of carnal, political and commercial gains, does it remain the same? 

Should I be surprised that, I can't find my favourite Lord Krishna in any of Janmashtami pandals?

Are Indian men rapists?

Since last couple of days, an article "India: the story you never wanted to hear" by Rose Chasm (http://ireport.cnn.com/docs/DOC-1023053) has gone viral on social networking sites. After reading that article, I was stunned, appalled and deeply shamed. What also shocked me was the response on social networking sites/media channels on this painful story that reflected not just deep anguish/concern/empathy for Rose and unfortunate victims like her but also a dangerous mind-set of labelling/pronouncing all Indian men as rapists/perverts. 

Another unfortunate event that coincidentally happened last week, a photo journalist was gang-raped in Mumbai and the sad incident shook the country. Media and social networking sites went berserk like usual and the tamasha of blame game still continues! 

Pain of rape or any form of abuse is very difficult to put in words and the damage it causes to the victim is difficult to comprehend. Being a woman, I can imagine the trauma Rose and many unfortunate victims like her have to suffer. Many Indian women have experienced some form of abuse in varied degrees that Rose narrates in her agonizing outburst. But to conclude that all Indian men are rapists or perverts would be like dismissing and deriding entire collective without blinking an eye and that, I find very unfair and unacceptable.

Yes, there are sick people who don't flinch while abusing others for sake of their pervert satisfaction. Any form of abuse occurs where there is mind-set of entitlement; entitlement to do whatever it takes to satisfy one's deviant needs. This sense of entitlement breeds not only in societies where the voice of patriarchy always sabotages voice of girl child on issues of equality and equal opportunities; or societies where a male child is treated as God's greatest gift to humanity. Crimes against women happen everywhere in world, even in most advanced, socially liberated societies. Women are raped even in countries where stringent laws are implemented well. And by saying this, I am not trying to trivialize the enormity of issue of crimes against women.  Rapists/abusers don't belong to any particular caste, creed, nationality, social/educational/financial strata of a society, they are born out of regressive environment, unhealthy mind-set of sex-in-your-face macho-ism, chest thumping aggression to proclaim ultimate male virility that revels in power tactics to abuse as a means of perverse pleasure.

I happen to know interesting range of people right from slums to people working at very senior positions in corporate sector. Like all women, I am aware how it feels when someone ogles, or tries to rape you with eyes. I know how violated a woman feels when a formal handshake during business meeting lasts longer than it should. I have experienced violation when someone posted audacious comments on my photograph on facebook, crossing line of decency. And in spite of these experiences I would not like to generalize men and call them "jerks". The men I know, observe, interact with and am surrounded by are educated, evolved and decent people with a gender-sensitive conscience; they are equally pained by gruesome and tragic incidents of crimes against women and are deeply disturbed to be portrayed as debauchers and brutes. I have met men; complete strangers, who have turned out to be very decent, protective, respectful, cultured (irrespective of the background) and have always been very kind and helpful to me.

What happened with Rose and so many victims like her is deeply disturbing. I am in favour of zero tolerance for crimes against women or for that matter anybody irrespective of gender. It is great to bring awareness of serious issues and spread the message by participating in constructive discussions but let us be careful about not ending up punishing those who are not guilty by passing our harsh judgments on them. Let's not punish the innocents please!

Help me !!!! I am broke!!!

I am at friend's place; patiently listening to arguments between her and her hubby in the room full of shopping bags from Tanishq, Zara, Da Milano, Wills, Mango, Charles and Keith, Catwalk and all possible brands in clothing/bags/fashion accessories/shoes, strewn all around. Stuff is popping out of the bags that seem to be lying there for days. She is sobbing and I am struggling hard to conceal my shock and anger.  

My friend has blown absolutely obscene amount in shopping during last few weeks, tempted by the 'sale' signs that offer, to put in her words, "once in a year opportunity to buy things at irresistible prices." In seems, this year, their plan for travelling abroad during Diwali, might be shelved. After confiding in me about the repercussions of my friend's mindless spending and arguing over how half of things bought are unnecessary, my friend's hubby tramples out of room, agitated and deeply saddened. I understand his anguish also has its root in falling rupee, volatile stock markets and rising costs causing overall gloom in his business. Unfortunately, my friend's face doesn't show iota of guilt or shame. She is more concerned about the possibility of holidays getting cancelled!    

I am sure we all are familiar with a situation like my friend's. We all love shopping, don't we? (unless of course, one has become an ascetic). There is a great kick in living life to the fullest by indulging in anything and everything that brings us happiness in some form. Whether we admit it or not, all of us have penchant for careless spending. We buy things not only because we need but also out of boredom and ennui. We spend money to cheer ourselves up, to fill that existential void to make up for things that are wrong in our life or missing. (I am not implying that those who shop necessarily suffer some lack in life). We buy stuff driven by motivation and wants to flaunt our "status" and broadcast that we have "arrived". We incessantly splurge to keep up with the rest of the world so that we don't look like losers and fulfil our ego. We blow money for many psychological and social reasons that have absolutely no connection with our real needs. 

We all have choices and ending up like my friend is result of making a wrong choice. Albeit, we are far too conceited sometimes to admit our mistake and carry on as if everything is "under control". We may have choices and even power in our hands but when it comes to execution, we often fail. Reasons? Because, its so easy to waste money that brings "feel good" factor to our otherwise mundane lives with harsh realities. We even label it with tempting names like 'retail therapy" and justify the indulgence by "earned it/ deserved it/got it" mind-set that offers great escape. 

You must be wondering what has got into me today! Shocked by what happened at my friend's house, I have gone into contemplation mode. I am seriously thinking about how much I have in storage/wardrobes/garage that has not been used for quite some time. I am thinking about what all I have purchased in last three months. I am not counting big, extravagent, purchases but the small, random expenses incurred that have not really added much value. To be honest, I know, the answer might shock me! 

It is difficult to make right choices in the times where culture of unnecessary indulgence is deliberately cultivated and nurtured by media and various companies selling their products. The key is in being conscious about our needs and wants. And the trick lies in understanding and respecting difference between the two.

  

I remember a quote I had read somewhere, "Buy what is only necessary, not what is convenient. What is unnecessary, even if it costs one cent, is expensive." 

  

Also a quote from a movie, Fight club "The things you own end up owning you." 

What happened at my friend's house is not only about money or lack of discipline in spending. It is much beyond it. It reflects how sometimes even the most intelligent of us end up giving in to temptations, fall prey to social pressure of being on "equal' position with the rest and end up having a life style that may not always be possible to have considering one's financial condition. It is a reflection of how we allow others (friends, relatives, advertisements, promotions by the companies..etc)to define what is "good" for us and are drowned by wanton consumption, failing to accept our limitations and end up creating a mess by spending our time, money and energy on things we don't really need! 

To hell with heaven!

It all started after I attended a charity event about two months back. I suddenly started receiving emails, text messages and phone calls from a spiritual group claiming to be experts in spiritual enlightenment, aura reading, healing and self-proclaimed crusaders of world peace, ensuring guaranteed entry to the golden gates of heaven!  

It took me a while to realize that my details were taken from the card I had left at the charity event. Initially, I ignored their mails, calls and text messages but the more I ignored, the more vehement and relentless their approach grew. Obviously upset with the development, I decided to make a formal complaint and wrote them not to invade my privacy and time. Within minutes, I received a call from a "spiritual guru" from the group. The conversation baffled me!

"You see madam, our aim is to build a tribe of awakened souls like you. If I may use the term, it is a movement and we need people with good, spiritual aura to make our mission successful. Mother Earth is experiencing immense turmoil and negativity hence we need to unite people like you from across the globe for deep energy cleansing."  

Shocked by the pitch and the direction it was going in, I intervened, "excuse me, when did you learn about my aura and soul being awakened when I myself am absolutely clueless about such things?"

"You don't remember our meeting? We met at charity event and were even formally introduced. I instantly knew we had some spiritual connection and you could do wonders for our group.

Our workshops are precisely about that. We introduce you to your own sacred soul and once that is attained, we help you see golden gates of heaven open for you." After listening that, I lost my patience but the "guru" went on with his blah for some time.

It took me a while to regain my balance after learning about myself in detail from a complete stranger who claimed to know so much about me! I must confess, the sales pitch was good but it did not take long to realize its sole purpose was absolutely commercial and had nothing to do with anything spiritual. The workshops and sweet talks were nothing but a sham. My tone changed from that of a polite listener to an angry warning and that is when the "spiritual guru" understood there was no point in further chase. "God bless you! Do visit us whenever you are prepared for the new beginning."

I am still recovering from the experience and am shocked to learn that even at charity events that are meant for a select few, fraudsters are at large! I must admit, I admire the persistence, patience and the sales pitch of the "spiritual guru" who could give the best sales person of the world run for his money.

I find it amusing that people are sold on ideas of heaven and hell. Like most of the Indians, since childhood, I was disciplined, moulded and indoctrinated with the philosophy of good/bad, heaven/hell. Fed up with its torture, by age of ten, I managed to break shackles and stopped believing in all that as it offered me much more solace than endlessly worrying about being fried in hot oil for committing small little sins of saying even harmless lies. The promise of magical heaven was not enough to lure me back to keep subscribing to the ideas of typical Maharastrian Brahmin upbringing forced down upon me. Luckily, I was loved far too much to be outcast for that blasphemy and managed to survive on my own terms. 

Subscribing to any ideology for the fear of eternal damnation or out of charm of fantasy of heaven in after life is beyond my comprehension. I don't believe in heaven or hell as separate worlds or in doing anything with the aim of gaining passport to heaven. For me, essence of heaven and hell is in this very moment and lived through our karma on this beautiful, fragile, blue planet Earth. Once that is sorted and I have taken conscious care of my own deeds, I don't need to worry about energy, aura, enlightenment or world peace. I don't think any agent of God is eligible to come between me and my Almighty.