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A tragedy amidst random splendour



The rain like sea is an addiction for me. The mood for quintessential Bombay monsoon has certainly set in since last few weeks. Albeit, as I type this article, rain seems to have eluded and the deadly combination of humidity and heat is driving me absolutely nuts even in cool environs of my study!

But this post is not about perpetually frustrating heat or humidity of Bombay. Day before yesterday, when the ominous thunder storm announced rain's arrival, a calamity occurred in our building. 

I was taking break from the work, enjoying cool breeze and the music of wind chimes and shrill voices of children playing incessantly, jumping with joy without a worry in the world, soaking up in the rain ignoring fervent calls from their mothers to return home, hooting, running aimlessly. It is a visual treat to watch children play in open these days in city like Bombay!  


Suddenly the wind turned ferocious creating scary noise declaring its might generating havoc in minutes! The romance and the tender chill in the air was transformed into harsh dissonance and I could see/listen the leaves, branches breaking down, birds flying helter skelter and the garden completely washed away. The wind chimes did not sound too melodious with the forceful notes and the whooshing sound of wind, swaying branches and leaves combined with pitter patter of the random splendour gave a very eerie feeling!


There was complete silence for quite a long time and I was surprised by children becoming unusually quiet. I decided to check on them and went down to garden area of our building. There they were; gathered under the Gulmohar tree, surrounding a bird nest that had fallen from the tree, with two newborn chicks already dead and the third one, counting its last breaths. The children looked sullen, a few were weeping, struggling to comprehend perhaps the biggest tragedy of life they had just witnessed!


While the children were trying to figure out how to save the last chick, it died leaving them gloomy and sombre. They became all the more serious looking helplessly at the mother sparrow, listening to her grief stricken cries while she kept encircling her dead chicks. The children stepped back giving some space to the sparrow to bid final goodbye to her chicks, watching that last union with utmost maturity of grown up people. Once the mother sparrow flew to the nearest branch, the chicks were cremated under the same tree with each child contributing silently, paying homage in their own beautiful, innocent ways. When they parted for the day, they all seemed suddenly grown up and there was a silent acknowledgement and respect for the ultimate truth, the two sides of life cycle. 


I continued my rambling in the compound witnessing changed canvas, feeling bit wobbly for the mother sparrow and the tiny tots who had displayed such remarkable dignity in coping with death! They had experienced stab of sadness due to death and separation but learned important lesson on ways of life, the cycle of life and death!    

From the thick clouds suddenly the Sun rays burst bringing in new radiance and energy. The gust of wind was slowly changing its gear and I knew it was just a matter of time for the children to be back to their usual happy, carefree selves and the wind chimes to sing those sweet melodies once again!   

The fallacy of "having it all".

Ever since Pepsico.CEO, Ms. Indra Nooyi expressed her honest and open views on why "women can't have it all", at ASPEN Ideas Festival a fortnight back; http://www.theatlantic.com/business/archive/2014/07/why-pepsico-ceo-indra-k-nooyi-cant-have-it-all/373750/ , her views appear to be the hot topic of discussion everywhere one goes, whether it is digital world, social gatherings, parties or art previews. And I can't help thinking on the very subject and wonder why this obsession for "having it all" in first place? 

Incidentally, I am yet to come across anyone who can claim to "have it all" despite being super successful in almost every area of life! What Ms.Nooyi talked about was in context of work-life balance for professional stature of one of the most powerful working women in the world and she is absolutely on the dot in her candid confession and I truly admire her for that. 

We live in insanely busy times when there is pressure on most of us to strike that work-life balance and yet stay ahead in the rat race of "having it all". What all really defines this "all"? And who sets the benchmark for it? When I look around, there are many successful working women struggling to find balance in their different roles 24/7. Some are content with what they are able to achieve, some, on verge of nervous breakdown. 

What really happens to average women/women still climbing professional peaks and in the process face the challenge of striking that balance which is much difficult because of lack of sufficient support network from immediate family/friends/extended circle or finance? I see mind numbing stress overpowering lives of so many because of this abnormally irrational demand of "having it all"! And like Ms. Nooyi says, when a woman falters at doing justice to what is expected out of her in various roles, there is perennial guilt. 


Isn't this "guilt" that most working women experience, result of cultural conditioning? Why do we as society, fail to acquiesce the fact that it is bizarre to look at women's different roles as exclusive? The conflict occurs when we don't realize that a working woman occupying various roles in her professional and personal life has limit to how much she can practically deliver in each of those roles and at some point all the lines would blur between the personal and professional life demanding merging of all different identities into one!  


Unfortunately, the sentiments of Ms.Nooyi's mother resonate with many Indian homes including "educated" ones! Also, not many Indian husbands would give a hearty laugh just like Mr. Nooyi at being told that they should be happy being part of their wife's list! Why do women by default, fall into trap of accepting the onus almost entirely on themselves when it comes to household duties, valiantly pushing insane limits to multi task? It is absolutely okay to excel in some area of life and be average in other. Why subscribe to that need to be "super woman" in every area of life?!!   


Parenting, as they say is the toughest job in the world and for working mothers it can be a nightmare without any support. Being a mother and working woman myself, I understand the pressures and challenges these roles entail. Fortunately, I have luxury of flexible working hours but despite that there are times when work and home pressure create conflicts that are unavoidable. 

With time, I have learnt to cope with such situations without feeling any guilt. If my work requires me to stay out of home for long hours, it means the routine seven course meal served at the dinner table would shrink into three or four course and the family members are expected to welcome the change with smile. If my hobby/passion demands I am out on early Sunday morning, it means people at home would have to delegate some work without expecting me to complete it on my return. And no, it does not affect me that sometimes I am not able to fulfill some of the expectations in my different roles at home. 
Of course, I can't eliminate the conflict completely but I have learnt to be at peace with my choices without feeling guilty. 


This is my life! And I get to decide what truly matters to me. And I am absolutely okay with "having it all" on some days and having a little less on other. My life is not a rat race and I don't need to decide its worth by what I have achieved professionally or how many dishes I can cook for my family. Period!

Being civilized doesn't cost a penny! A lesson from Japanese soccer fans at FIFA

I am one of those people whose blood starts brewing at the sight of lack of basic civic sense anywhere. Unfortunately, there are endless times during the day when such occurrences cost me peace of mind. I can't stop asking myself frustrating question, "why can't we be civilized as Nation?" If you live in India, it would not take you long to understand where this frustrating question is coming from. 

Since the FIFA matches started, the news that has wowed me is about how Japanese soccer fans graciously cleaned the stadium after the match was over. Their country lost the match against Ivory Coast but the fans did not fail to show basic civility and in their customary style, stayed in the stadium, cleaning their trash winning over hearts of millions globally! Despite their defeat, they displayed exemplary behaviour and great manners in their commitment towards civic duties and orderliness. 

We Indians should accept one truth as immutable; that we are by large, amongst the most uncivilized people in world. I know, it hurts to accept it honestly but that is reality. Whether you are travelling by public transport or in cozy comfort of your own luxury vehicle, the littered roads, complete disregard for traffic laws or the callous discharge from the gutka/paan eating drivers being spewed generously on the road would be a very common sight. Pay visit to any cinema hall, theatres, railway stations, airports or food court or even the toilets in a swanky shopping mall, and one sees we have not much evolved since stone age when it comes to displaying basic civic sense! Try stopping a person littering road/public property and in all likelihood, you would end up being subject to abuse and ridicule.  

In my observation and experience, we don't teach our children to clean after themselves and sometimes, when pointed out, it is considered as offence! This conditioning is so deeply rooted that even when the floors are messy, the dishes soiling the sink, the huge piles of clothes that need washing or the newspapers that are scattered across the room are the jobs assigned to domestic help  or someone else and considered below one's dignity to attend to! There is no harm in getting work done from anyone but showing complete inability/will to attend any of these tasks when needed baffles me! 

Few days back, we had some NRI guests over dinner. The conversation was flowing smoothly over how India has still not progressed because of number of reasons and the lack of civic sense was cited as one of them. I was happy to see the genuine concern and valid point the lady made and enjoyed the evening. But during our next meeting, when I was taking them out for shopping, the same lady threw some trash from the car window without any iota of guilt or shame! And to my utmost shock, when I pointed the bag meant to keep trash, she replied, "when you go to India, do as Indians do"!

There was time not very long ago, when lack of basic manners or etiquettes was considered blasphemy. I truly lament its loss. No matter what claims we might make for having progressed, we can't be an evolved society if we are not civilized too! And cleanliness is just a small part of being civilized.  

Learning to let go from the sea


Sea, like rain is an addiction for me! I love taking walks on the beach; preferably at the time when there are hardly any people around. And when that happens, I enjoy the quiet dialogue between me and the waves. 

I often go to the sea to calm my mind. Walking bare feet on the wet sand can be a profound experience! With each wave that comes crashing, kissing my feet, all my anxiety, fears, frustrations disappear. 

There are times in everyone's life when we wish to change things we don't have control over. Things that are left unsaid or words we say and regret later, emotions that over power the reason and frustrations brought by its helplessness, people we truly love and care deeply for and the exasperation of coping with their expectations, mind fretting over nagging distractions of deadlines, difficult schedules and unresolved issues at work that do not let you at peace or the constant struggle between the mind and heart! The list is endless. Yeah, sometimes, life becomes too much to deal with. And my walks at the beach always magically help me get myself back together.

It is amazing to witness how the sea never holds on to anything that serves no purpose for it. Each glorious wave that reaches the shore brings something that sea does not need. And it makes me realize what all and how many unnecessary things we hold on to really! The attachments, labels, our roles, perceived identities, beliefs that we continue to be confined to for the sake of comfort of fallacy of security, permanence, stability or sense of belonging. 

The abundance of colours and sounds at sea overwhelms me! Subtly, it compels me to surrender to the present moment, a space of divine emptiness. And in those beautiful moments, there are no compulsions of how life "should be", no conceptual scheme for life, no need for life/circumstances to be "different", no requirement for any change, or fear of losing the control over my life. All the anxiety slowly dissolves with crashing waves. In those meditative moments I am able to let go of everything that I need to and embrace the blissful moments of complete peace. 

"To find best shells one has to walk slowly. When we take a walk along the shore to clear our minds we cannot help but peak down in hopes of finding an unscathed conch shell or colourful piece of sea glass. Life offers us up wonders every day."

How often are we open to life, ready to let go and LIVE, really?   

Stop broadcasting your "busyness"! Nobody gives a damn!

It is a typical hectic Monday morning meeting. As usual, I have arrived five minutes ahead of the scheduled time. One by one, people enter the room and before the meeting actually begins, I take the opportunity to connect with people and exchange courtesies. Interestingly, in those few minutes everyone frets and fumes over his/her "genuinely alarming busy life", claiming to be much more important than the rest hence leading much worthwhile life. I am tempted to shout at top of my voice, "You claim to be insanely busy? Get a grip. You think the universe really gives a damn?" 

Have you observed the responses to a simple, courteous question, "how are you"? In all likelihood, the answers are going to resonate with typical contemporary anthem of rushed, whiny refrains;
"I have been so busy! I am up to my neck."
"Oh, it is crazy. I am burned." 
"I am always on the run. Phew!"
"No time to breath."
"There is too much on my plate. Just can't take it!" 
"I am invisible even to myself. Forget others!"
"No time to stop now. I am riding the wave I have created." 

I am not at all trying to belittle anyone's work or underestimate pressures it entails. Everyone is busy these days in different ways. Right from a nursery going toddler to corporate honchos, everyone's schedules are becoming hectic by the day. With limited time and unlimited demands, commitments, expectations and compulsions; for some people, it really becomes painfully tough to find the right balance.

Some of the most successful people I know, (and I am fortunate to be surrounded by so many!) somehow always have time for everything they wish to do in life despite their insanely busy schedules! They invariably always go out of their way to find time and make meaningful connections with family, friends, are free for holidays, social work and are also devoted to their passions! The best part is, I have never heard about their busy life from any of them! Is it because time is a scarce commodity in their life, they use it effectively?

I am amused by the ridiculous lengths people go to flaunt their "busyness" by endlessly bragging, tweeting or ranting on social media as if it is some badge of honour! In my observation, people who always bemoan "being busy" suffer from self inflicted choices. The present day obsession of busy life is not always inevitable condition but result of the choice by our conformity to it. Unfortunately, being busy is perceived as being important, productive, effective or successful!     

The notion of busyness ensures validity of a  life worth something. It saves the social embarrassment of one's life being perceived as irrelevant. There is need to work smart, not hard. We are all entitled to make choices in life and when we choose to live life that is demanding, why complain? 

The next time, you are tempted to use that boastful line "I am too busy" or listen to it coming from someone, it would help to check if it is disguised to cover up some inadequacy or used as an excuse to avoid something. (Believe me, we all have done it, knowingly or unknowingly!)  The findings would surprise you and compel you to assess your life and realign it. 

It helps to understand and accept a simple truth that sometimes, less is more. 

Raghurajpur, an emblem of heritage arts and crafts of Odisha!!!

About fifteen km from the revered city of Lord Jagannath, Puri, there is a tiny little hamlet Raghurajpur, nestled on the southern bank of r...