Looking for light at end of the tunnel

It has been a while since I had time to post my weekly articles here. I have never missed a single post in all these years since this blog was started and believe me, I feel sad that other priorities of life have taken over and left me with no choice. Sometimes, extraordinary circumstances compel us to shuffle our priorities and it is better that we don't mess with what life demands.  

It is interesting how often I keep writing articles in my mind from the most unthinkable places or in midst of bizarre situations. This post comes to you straight from the hospital where most of our last three months have been spent due to my mother in law's cancer. 

This is yet another stressful evening. I take aimless walks in the corridors outside the ICU, look at the unusually overcast, grey sky from a distant window with my sullen eyes. My mother in law is out of yet another surgery and taken to ICU. She suffered a mild heart attack post surgery. I wonder how much suffering life still has in store for her!

Last evening, as I sat beside her; listening to her yet another session of never ending tales, I witnessed scroll of a long life of seven and a half decades! Life full of tales of brave triumphs, struggles, guilt, bitter admissions, resentments for unfulfilled dreams and above all, a life that despite all the oddities, struggling to hold on to hope which seems to be losing by each day. Her fragile body and mind suffering with psychiatric problems fight to stay agile and relevant in the last lag of life. Have you ever observed, life has completely different meaning when one faces death in its eye? 

Past few months have also changed the dynamics within the family. When tragedy strikes, that happens very often. Some bonds strengthen further and some collapse opening one's eyes to shocking truths about relationships. In last three months, we have been subjected to ruthless scrutiny, insensitive, intrusive remarks by some people leaving us saddened in this tough time when we need moral support from everyone who truly care for us.

Inflicting pain seems to be uniquely human trait because in Nature, creatures kill one another for the sake of food, dominance or territory. Why do we do it? Why do we stand by and watch others passively while they suffer and add to their pain and attain joy out of it?

It has been months since me and my family stopped doing anything that we usually do on a normal, routine day. Ah, the very thought of being able to spare some time for Sunday brunch/movie/art exhibition/spa, relaxing at home, calling friends over or visiting them or just all of us spending a languid Sunday doing absolutely nothing in particular and still having fun  etc seems a very distant possibility! 

Sometimes, weight of love and duty is too much to bear! I am already on the brink, waiting for some respite, looking for some light at end of the tunnel.

We never know what the next moment holds for us

The hospital offers a myriad mélange where boundaries and identities whittle down to weight of suffering one carries along. Walking through the corridors of huge hospital can be an eye opener, especially if one is visiting cancer or other life threatening disease wards. 

I am waiting outside a psychiatrist's clinic who is seeing my mother in law, suffering with depression and mild dementia. The doctor is suspecting advance bipolar disorder which he feels is triggered by her surgery for cancer.  

My mother in law who has always been a very strong lady looks fragile and vulnerable, struggling to cope up with the physical and serious psychological issues that seem to be growing by each day. I look around and my heart breaks looking at worried, fearful, lost and tense faces evidently fighting their own conflicts. It is impossible to read my book as I can't help wondering what battles these people must be encountering in their respective life. 

We all want to be happy, loved, be healthy and feel cared for. Those who are lost want to be found; the lonely ones want to be comforted with tender care and love, those who have lost the plot again and again want to get it all right and wish for one more chance even when in their heart they know they stand none. The way each one of us copes with suffering is interestingly varied and unique. As life rushes us on with hope for best and lands us our own share of worst, we all struggle for meaning and are afflicted with self doubt. 

Sometimes, life just sneaks up on us and it does not matter how great our social support, how big our bank balance, how insured our life might appear to be or how spiritually awake we might be – we all still fall prey to our fears, feeling naked, threadbare by the realization of ultimate truth that nothing can be taken for granted and one doesn't know what the next moment really holds for us! Within fraction of a second, all the beautiful, blessings that life bestows on us unasked, can be taken back without any prior notice!  

While I am lost in typing my thoughts, a toddler from across the hall, suffering with Leukemia takes hesitant, fragile steps walks to me trying to reach my face with his tiny fingers. Scared to lift him in my embrace lest I hurt him, I look in his lovely eyes and faint smile that reflects his struggle to overcome his pain. He tries to engage me in conversation that is difficult to comprehend and yet there is something sublime going on between the two of us for few moments! 

And in those profound moments of divinity in most unexpected circumstances, I realize, life has its rhythm and we have ours, both beautifully designed to coexist in harmony so that when we do what needs to be done from our end and just let life be, we garner acceptance and serenity. Abiding by and accepting what is beyond our control, we can transform the moment and become awakened to the beauty that surrounds us and also that lies within. 

Sometimes, life is a bitch!

Oh my! The festival of Diwali appears to have come and gone in a jiffy! Once in a while I still hear an occasional crackle of a stray rocket or bomb. There are remnants of celebrations at the entrance of some homes; dried flower garlands hangings, dark coloured residues of disheveled rangolis, tiny pools of melted wax and ash discharged from colourful, designer diyas. The mood of festivity is slowly receding and I find myself wondering where last month has just flown by? 

For first time in life, Diwali turned out to be bleak for me and my family due to a tragedy. In a completely shocking turn, life caught us off-guard. My Mother in law was detected with colon cancer few weeks back and since, hell broke loose. She was operated upon successfully and is currently recuperating under our watchful eyes and intensive care but this tragic event and the trauma that has followed has shaken us to the core.

As such, dealing with cancer is a huge challenge and older the patient, more difficult it is to deal with them. More than the physical pain it is the psychological pain that causes suffering both to the patient and the immediate family which is most difficult challenge to cope up with. It is interesting how when such tragedies strike, we get to see the real strength of character of family. Each day, it is a struggle to get life back to as normal as possible. I know, it is a long journey and needs extraordinary strength, patience and understanding. 

I just hope and pray God to give us enough strength to get over this tragedy and move on without carrying any bitterness. 

The three most important lessons I have learnt in last four weeks are;

1) No matter what all and how much you might have genuinely helped others in life, and even if it is done out of goodness, without expecting anything in return, some of them WILL fail to show even basic courtesy without iota of guilt or shame, when you are dealing with difficult times and need moral support.

2) We are not supposed to always know the why behind the wisdom.

3)  Pain invites us to grow. 

"Whenever something negative happens to you, there is a deep lesson concealed within it.”

~Eckhart Tolle

Will Indian media start covering real heroes like Kailash Satyarthi?

As I write this article, I am deeply embarrassed. My head hangs in shame to learn about the news that should in fact make me feel proud. I know absolutely nothing about Mr.Kailash Satyavarti, an Indian unsung hero who won the Nobel Prize for peace recently. The pity is, I checked with many people but none of them have any clue about Mr. Kailash Satyavarti and his Bachpan Bachao Andolan! 

As an Indian, it hurts to accept the fact that I need a Nobel committee to introduce me to someone doing commendable work in my own country! There is huge dent on my ego to admit that I had not heard of him till the news broke about him being conferred upon the Nobel peace prize for 2014. This means I am not perhaps as well read and aware citizen as I take myself to be. It is also a reflection of us as society and the mainstream media, that fails to cover meaningful news that matter, its due coverage. 

A Bollywood celebrity getting a boob job done, a page three "socialite" or a scamster politician involved with corruption of billions catch more eyeballs ensuring readership/viewership and offers staple diet of insatiable titillation of sensation. Nobody is interested to read/write about crusaders against the real evils,the age old, never ending issues like child labour. Children as young as three work everywhere and have become so much part of our everyday existence that we no more find anything wrong with it or are moved by this evil. Try observing keenly on that long commute from home to office everyday and you would be shocked to notice how our traffic signals, road side shops, so many industries that we regularly depend on for our requirements thrive because of young children who work in inhuman condition for sake of their survival.

Amidst incessant buzz of Bollywood gossip, the ubiquity of sting operations, scams and ravenous paparazzi coverage of real stories of heroes like Kailash Satyarthi if at all coverd, stands awkwardly on some strange corner of inside page of the newspaper.   Indian media is enslaved to its obsession with Bollywood and self created heroes and incessantly keep embroiling the nation with trivia while someone who has been in public life for more than four decades, sustaining the relentless struggle for the cause close to his heart even at the risk to his own life, his unique work and commendable feat of saving 80,000 children from child labour goes almost unnoticed! 

It is time media woke up to the fact that there are many unsung heroes, whose work goes unnoticed because it completely lacks the sheen of sensation! 

Congratulations Mr. Kailash Satvarthi ! My salute to you and your noble work! 

                                      

Why I am kicked about the "swachh Bharat campaign"

I listened to the speech of the Indian Prime Minister, Mr. Narendra Modi on Gandhi jayanti, talking about his latest initiative "Swachh Bharat abhiyan". Being an obsessive, compulsive cleanliness junkie, I am absolutely thrilled to see someone of his stature finally talking up this serious matter and making an attempt to do something about it. 

I am not affiliated with any political party whatsoever nor am I impressed by Bollywood jamboree joining the bandwagon and cashing in photo opportunities and suddenly becoming concerned about this issue. Complete disregard for cleanliness in India has always been a matter of grave concern.  


Let's admit the blatant fact that we Indians lack basic civic /hygiene sense!  Whether it is on roads, bus stops, ticket queues or any public place for that matter, people have absolutely no respect for public property. There is no point in getting infuriated or defensive about this. The general lack of cleanliness and hygiene hits the eye wherever one goes in India — hotels, hospitals, malls, households, work places, railway trains, air planes and yes, even religious places! 

Spitting and littering appears to be so deeply ingrained in the behaviour of Indians that when one draws attention to it, it is often frowned upon. Filth no more affects us as we have accepted it as part of our everyday life! 

I remember an incident that is reflective of typical Indian mindset when it comes to cleanliness. Two years back, I had a guest from U.S.A, an Indian visiting me for few days. While taking him out for shopping he opened a mint case, popped a few in his mouth, offered me some and casually threw wrapper along with the Coke can out of the car window! Much to my shock and horror, there was no iota of guilt or shame on his face when I protested his action as he callously replied "when you go to India, do as Indians do. India is BIG garbage anyway! How does it matter?" The person came from extremely educated and affluent class. When I asked him if he would behave the same way back in U.S.A, he ignored my question completely!  

I am known for being an absolute compulsive cleanliness freak. And whenever I come across such uncivilized behaviour, my blood starts brewing! (Unfortunately, that happens quite frequently during the day.)  

There have been many instances when I have seen rich, educated folks in their expensive, luxury cars spitting and littering the roads. Try stopping them and I bet you would be greeted with their middle finger salutations or shameless verbal abuse! 

There is a lack of enforcement which in turn is fed by a lack of social pressure which in turn is fed by a lack of attitude to do things on one's own.  In my observation and experience, in India, children are rarely taught to clean up after themselves: not the messed up floors, not the dirty dishes, not the outside streets. Since we don't clean it up ourselves, and tend to expect someone else to do it (whether the municipality for the streets and garbage, the domestic help for the dishes, floors etc), our mindset is, cleaning is someone else's job. That is definitely a huge contributor.

Lack of law enforcement is another contributor.  If the police or the respective civic bodies decide to strictly enforce the laws/ initiatives against littering, people will have to comply. We are stuck in a chicken and egg type of spiral. There is no civic sense because there is no enforcement and there is no enforcement because people in charge of it don't see value in civic sense! Lets face it. Indians are the most indisciplined and arrogant on roads, public places and don't even flinch while  spitting, dumping or vandalizing public/common property, including historical monuments.

If there is a ranking of countries in respect of observance of standards of sanitation and hygiene, one can be sure that India would figure close to the bottom. Whenever there are problems with garbage, or spread of disease, we quickly blame some politician or civic body albeit, they are to be blamed but, why don't we as a society take some steps to make these civic bodies or politicians work? 

It is time to own up to our civic responsibilities. It is time to own up to our country. Let us not see "Swachh Bharat abhiyaan" only in political light.  We owe it to our Nation, methinks.