When Neeraja, my friend called, she was sounding very disturbed, "Simi, cancel all your appointments for tomorrow; I don't care how important they are. Just come over, I need to talk to you." "Would you teach me how to invest money like you? I need to flaunt that Goddamn business card and earn my own money." That was the first thing Neeraja said with tears in her eyes, the moment I reached her home the next day. What followed, was nothing unexpected.
I had always sensed some dissatisfaction, a strange stirring that she suffered alone. I preferred to just listen and observe instead of intruding with probing further on the issue. Deep inside I knew, when the right time arrived, all her pain that lay buried for many years would organically find its way out.
Neeraja was married at age of eighteen. Being an exceptionally bright student, she qualified for IIT and had nurtured dream of a great career. Her ambition of studying at IIT was shattered when there wasn't enough money to support education of two family members. She was obviously expected to sacrifice. Albeit after few years when financial problem was resolved, she managed to secure first class in M.Sc and did M.B.A from a premier institute!
When life presented opportunities for her to work, she could not take them due to changed priorities. Sometimes it was for the sake of children, husband's career, old parents or in laws that always required her to be around. When her responsibilities got over, her health didn't allow her to take up any job. Neeraja is exhausted by unequal sharing of burden of all these years. Despite performing all her duties in every possible role with love and utmost precision, she feels completely worthless and unappreciated!!
With a brain wash session that lasted for few hours, I managed to bring a smile on Neeraja's face when I left but our talk made me think about general attitude and mindset when it comes to housewives. I have met many women like Neeraja who are the pillars of strength for family and always perform their duties silently. Sadly, in many educated families there is condescending attitude towards a housewife. The general perception of the term "housewife" is still that of a woman who has all the time in the world but barely participates in anything constructive! Her domestic servitude is often perceived as birth right by family members!
A dear friend of mine, a very gifted person I have ever met - Mathew George, has interesting take on the issues of housewife. He says, " Approximately 50% of the population are women; a fair fraction of them, highly educated. Out of these highly educated fraction of women, a fair chunk perform the most difficult role there is; that of a housewife. The very fact that these ladies do not perform a formal job is a national waste of educated working age population. There ought to be a way of putting them back to work towards national gain. The internet provides one such way where one can perform gainful tasks without compromising on their responsibilities at home. The government, instead of giving lip service to the emancipation of women should be actually thinking up a workable strategy on how to utilize the wasted yet significant talents of this quintessentially backroom type of human being!"
Being "just a housewife" is not a curse. It is a commendable job without whose support very many families would collapse! It is time to respect and honour that truth!
I had always sensed some dissatisfaction, a strange stirring that she suffered alone. I preferred to just listen and observe instead of intruding with probing further on the issue. Deep inside I knew, when the right time arrived, all her pain that lay buried for many years would organically find its way out.
Neeraja was married at age of eighteen. Being an exceptionally bright student, she qualified for IIT and had nurtured dream of a great career. Her ambition of studying at IIT was shattered when there wasn't enough money to support education of two family members. She was obviously expected to sacrifice. Albeit after few years when financial problem was resolved, she managed to secure first class in M.Sc and did M.B.A from a premier institute!
When life presented opportunities for her to work, she could not take them due to changed priorities. Sometimes it was for the sake of children, husband's career, old parents or in laws that always required her to be around. When her responsibilities got over, her health didn't allow her to take up any job. Neeraja is exhausted by unequal sharing of burden of all these years. Despite performing all her duties in every possible role with love and utmost precision, she feels completely worthless and unappreciated!!
With a brain wash session that lasted for few hours, I managed to bring a smile on Neeraja's face when I left but our talk made me think about general attitude and mindset when it comes to housewives. I have met many women like Neeraja who are the pillars of strength for family and always perform their duties silently. Sadly, in many educated families there is condescending attitude towards a housewife. The general perception of the term "housewife" is still that of a woman who has all the time in the world but barely participates in anything constructive! Her domestic servitude is often perceived as birth right by family members!
A dear friend of mine, a very gifted person I have ever met - Mathew George, has interesting take on the issues of housewife. He says, " Approximately 50% of the population are women; a fair fraction of them, highly educated. Out of these highly educated fraction of women, a fair chunk perform the most difficult role there is; that of a housewife. The very fact that these ladies do not perform a formal job is a national waste of educated working age population. There ought to be a way of putting them back to work towards national gain. The internet provides one such way where one can perform gainful tasks without compromising on their responsibilities at home. The government, instead of giving lip service to the emancipation of women should be actually thinking up a workable strategy on how to utilize the wasted yet significant talents of this quintessentially backroom type of human being!"
Being "just a housewife" is not a curse. It is a commendable job without whose support very many families would collapse! It is time to respect and honour that truth!
Good story! Appreciate that both you and Mathew respect the housewife's role, and that he has suggested a doable job for educated housewives, without even putting on them the burden of going out to work.But I don't think it is a waste.What the educated home maker gives to the family and society, is vast, though most of it is taken for granted.Just consider the broad outlook that good education gives,and that itself, allows her to handle the issues on her hand,in a very mature way,and this itself should give home making the status of a career. Of course,education has to be accompanied by character, and good values.
ReplyDeleteThanks Anonymous for your participation. Education and knowledge never go waste IF used well...my friend Neeraja feels worthless despite performing all her duties phenomenally well and the reason for that is that her contribution has gone unnoticed and unappreciated...not that she was expecting it but deep down there is this feeling that she is not good enough. Why, if we may ask, its because her family barely recognized and appreciated her contribution.Incidentally, her husband is a very respected name in the industry he works for and is one of the most highly paid employee and her children have excelled both in education and work and still she feels that way!! Isn't it a matter of shame that a person who has given everything to the family out of love and duty should feel this way ? Her family members have failed in some way to be sensitive to her existence and that, I feel is cruel.
ReplyDeleteI loved what you said "...home making should be given status of a career.." How I wish people were that understanding and mature enough to respect and value a housewife's contribution!
we are the only problem and we are the only solution.Our worth is not determined by our profession,we must learn to self-worth and that can come with self-love .What she did was her choice and she should feel happy for that shouldn't expect appreciation and recognition from others .She is a gifted being with all the abundance around with education,family,kids and sound financial status .She must explore herself as now she has got plenty of time ;she can do whatever she likes i.e music,painting,social work ,fb,reading and much more of her interest .She stop stop to get validation from others and should enjoy her 'being'.We are born to live happily and to be happy is a choice :)
ReplyDeleteThanks for your participation Vandana. You put it so beautifully! You are right about seeking validation. We wish appreciation from people we love knowingly or unknowingly. In Neeraja's case, she was so completely immersed with her responsibilities that she never realized that her first duty was towards herself!
ReplyDeleteI discussed with her all the possibilities of what all she can do and hopefully, she should join me soon for art exhibitions, meditation and evening walks. I am sure she will discover her inner calling and respond to that. Till she does, I won't give up. I too strongly believe that " one is born to live happily and to be happy is a choice!:)"