A lingering urge

"Actor prepares" an installation by Shailesh Singh at Wassup Andheri festial

As I write this, I am little teary eyed! Life has been extremely hectic and tiring since past few weeks. There has been tremendous pressures due to increasing demands and expectations from my personal and professional life. I am happy to have  achieved some professional goals, very content in having been a great host to endless guests and nursing a few ailing family members and relatives. I wonder from where I received all that strength despite having dangerously low level of vitamin B12! 

Like an actor who is compelled to put various acts in short span of time, I have been donning various roles over and above my usual ones and am terribly exhausted. I yearn for some quiet now. Where does one put the longing and how does one build a place inside oneself to endure that ache? What does one do when frenetic cadence of life becomes too much to bear and only the sound of our own breaths echo through the void?

Do you know that feeling when one feels alone despite life and love oozing out all around? When my body and mind are too much to bear I need to go for walks; preferably amid Nature, gaze at sky on a starlit night or the last loaf of evening Sun. Nothing between me and the sky or Sun, only my alive languishing self, the way Sun sets slowly without a body everywhere. 

I wish to be gloriously lazy like a snail snugged in sandy dawn or that snail having a blast on the tree, full of blossom standing with lonely grandeur amidst the brocade of leaves! I am watching it from my room- a space of complete serenity that opens my world even further with each passing day.  I wish to hover close to a young blossom stretching its bark in a new spring erupting like longing, so small in the air that you must hover close to ascertain fragrance. While huge, tumbling clouds slide into the Sun on other side of the world on its very distinct path it looks random to me.

Isn't it amusing that when sometimes life reduces to emotional state management (and I am not talking about the observant pacifier Zen like thing) it helps to chase hedonistic pleasure. Emotions are the axioms of life and mine are always invariably inconsistent!

I think, Its time to head to the spa!