Its time to reflect !

When our heart leads us somewhere, it's always for a reason.  We need to follow and find out what that reason is.  Usually, this change brings us closer to who we really are; it allows us to discover our true self, and be more authentic.

   

Since past couple of days, God seems to have possessed my soul and turn it inside out! I hear clamouring scream to break out from virtual layers of all that I have been routinely doing so far and grasp at something much more real, meaningful (I am yet to figure out what it is, yet!) They say, life is, all about trusting your feelings, taking chances and learning from our experiences. 

Life is going great, both, personally and professionally (touch wood!) But every time I see life sailing smoothly, the inner bitch warns me against riding the wave and getting carried away by it lest I start taking it for granted. I dread stagnation and in my constant endeavour to reinvent myself, I realize, it is time for this blog to take a pause and reflect with calm mind. This is 150th blog post and the journey so far has been truly amazing! 

   So far during this journey, I have bared my emotions, talked about deep concerns and shared some utterly stirring stories. I know that insatiable need to tell stories buried deep inside me, won't allow me to sit quiet for long. But for now, I must step back and gather all that is happening in my utterly chaotic mind. Its a constant struggle as we often find our truth in least expected spaces; in the least imagined ways. Sometimes, this struggle has its own delight!

     

Before I leave, I wish to thank all my wonderful, loyal readers, friends, family, complete strangers, who participated  on this blog, expressed their views, gave suggestions and ALWAYS encouraged me with their kind words and appreciation. I am still "a work in progress" and wish to remain one till my last breath. It is fun to interact with so many people from across the globe through this medium. Thanks a ton for being part of this journey as it certainly helps enhance my experience as writer and gives me interesting perspectives. 

I will be back, once that eternal nomad in me is conquered and calm. Till then, do mail me your suggestions on the changes you wish to see on this blog. Thanks. God bless you! 

Colours of Diwali

As I type this post today, there is deafening sound of crackers bursting outside. The city is oozing with overwhelming energy and there is sensory overload. Its Diwali and the atmosphere is redolent with celebrations! And like it always happens around this time, I am in no mood to write long post.

Its time for endless parties, catching up with friends and family, mad conversations, letting funny bones go in overdrive mode and endless laughter. Its time for indulgence, sharing and spreading smiles. 

Wishing all the readers of this blog a very happy Diwali! May our inner light shine always and guide us find the right path in life. May our life be filled with immense love, compassion, joy, peace, beauty and amazing moments of wonder! Before I sign off, here are some  hues of festivity captured on my camera during my walks. 

Hey look, "I am rich"!

The divine fragrance of coffee, wafting from across the coffee shop was so inviting that I decided to take a small break from shopping spree, at the mall. While waiting for my coffee, it was fun enjoying the festive mood and bubbling energy all around.

"Oh, my Gowwwwwd!!!!", a sudden, screeching voice and a very weird accent interrupted my joy. An accident was on the verge of darting in my direction, freaking me completely! A lady was struggling with huge shopping trolley; helplessly dragged by the wheels going astray, precariously steering her way, plunging towards me. Having realized that she had lost balance, I recovered from shock and rushed to help her get hold of things and made her sit at the table next to mine. A cold "thanks" and a snooty, plastic smile later, she got engrossed in her cell phone and I returned to my table bit amused with what had just happened before me. 

In those brief moments of my helping the lady to settle, I was aghast at what I had noticed. She was a flesh and blood, blaring advertisement of many a designer labels. Her clothes and accessories were shouting for attention. Sad part was, her attire was overpowering and she looked as if she did not belong to the labels she was fiercely trying to flaunt. Intrigued by her faux pas, I was wondering if she was a victim of stifled insecurity or ostentatious "superiority complex" to be so keen on proclaiming her lifestyle to the world. I sincerely felt that the lady would have looked much better without that hideously over embellished dressing from head to toe. 

I love designer clothes and accessories and wear them too, don't get me wrong. But what always baffles me is the need for vulgar display of lifestyle choices to create a halo effect. I fail to understand the need to advertise self-worth through "labels". 

We live in times driven by conspicuous consumption and it is very tough to keep up with Joneses these days. Every day, the bar is raised on a "perfect" picture of just about any and every area of our life, no matter how intimate. There is a constant assault on our minds about how one can fit in and create that carefully crafted "beautiful" life that can make rest of the world gawk and envy us. 

I could not stop thinking about an incident I had witnessed just before entering the coffee shop. A lady and her young daughter were arguing over the choice of clothes. The mother was trying to cajole her daughter to buy a latest, trendy outfit while the daughter was not willing to budge as she was happy to wear a dress her granny had specially stitched for her. The doting mother reminded that she had already worn the outfit couple of times and that "people" had seen her in it but her daughter saw no point in buying anything new as she didn't see the need. "But mama, I feel so special in that dress because granny has made it for me and I love it! And so what if people have seen me in it, what's wrong in wearing it again?" I was truly amazed at the maturity and understanding of that young girl.

It is quite a challenge these days to wake up and not feel "good enough" in some area of our life as we don't fit in the set prescribed standards of "great life" by the so called experts. Suddenly we have become too conscious just about everything in our life and are worried if we are doing it right. 

The very concept of building our identity based on some artificial illusions is disturbing. My concern is the race to look "better, smarter, richer, healthier etc." and where does it end really? Why chase something for the sake of recognition? What is wrong in not subscribing to those set standards by others and sticking to one's individuality without worrying about how we are perceived by the world? There is so much out there telling us what we should do, look like, wear, buy, eat, read, think, say; how to create dreams and live them, be more rich, slim, beautiful, sexy and we seem to be enamoured by the vision without really living it. 

There can't be anything more pathetic than becoming someone for the sake of fitting in some vicarious thrill or illusion! Yes, its great to have money and be able to buy the most expensive things in life but those things don't define us completely. There is lot more to us than our material possessions. In my observation and experience, money can NEVER buy culture and class.

The true celebration of life is in finding and staying our authentic self. It is okay to shun cacophony of outside world and listen to our inner self. There is no point in wasting time, energy and money on some bizarre, borrowed idea of life. What matters in the end is not what all we acquire in life but whether we have lived our life truly and left our signature mark.          

Discontent by default design

I happened to bump into a neighbour from our previous house where we lived for quite long time. I used to be pretty friendly with this lady initially but as the time passed and I realized, we didn't have anything common and keeping relations with her was a big drain on time and energy, I consciously withdrew from her. My problem with her is that she is one of those people who live their life on typical "auto-pilot" mode, incessantly crib about everything and feel that life is very unfair to them. I excused myself with apologetic face before she could start story of her horrible, pitiable life!

Who has time to listen to "You know, my wife/hubby would never understand". "I have moved on and it is amusing to see him/her trying to get my attention." "My hubby is so sweet, he is taking us to Europe for vacation but I don't want his parents to accompany us." "My hubby has such great connections that at any given time, there would be at least hundred people eager to help him should there be any need, anywhere under the Sun but he doesn't know how to use them." I NEVER have time for such conversations. There are better things to do in life for God's sake! 

You know, some people always seem 'stuck' wherever they are in some sphere of their life or other! If you pay attention, you would also find that entire focus of their life is on problems instead of finding solutions! ("You know, driver is on leave, I can't go out." "If you don't drive, take an air-conditioned taxi." "But it's so hot!")  The list of "problems" is endless and constant sense of lack surfaces in everything they do. ("I am not rich like you. I have to think about budget." "I can't go out alone like you/ I don't get time to pursue my hobbies like you. You are so lucky!") Notice that comparison? Try recommending that to be financially more secure, it makes sense to be mindful about investments, take informed decisions, save wisely and curtail expenses or being able to spend time on one's hobbies needs strict time management so that the priorities don't get messed, the immediate reaction would be defending the stand taken so far. Are these people unhappy really? I feel they are bored to death and don't know what to do with their life or don't wish to do anything about their life as they are too comfortably settled where they are and sadly they don't realize it! 

I am not a life coach so why I am talking about this issue today? I have no business talking about other people or how they should live their life and I am not setting myself above the fray. The reason why this topic came to my mind is a casual question asked by my ex colleague recently, "how come you always have everything in life?" My answer was, "because I deserve it." I was tempted to tell her that my "perfect" life (as perceived by her) is not at all 'perfect" and I have learnt to take the imperfections in my stride and focus on what truly matters. I wanted to tell her that my life is a 24/7 hard work and it is a continuous process of learning and unlearning but I knew she wouldn't hear any of it as she had already decided I was plain lucky!

When we think about life; how it is going, it is not just some random time frame that we talk about. It is about quality of daily routine, on daily basis. How we invest our time and energy determines overall quality of life. Interestingly, in my observation, people who complain about lack of time, money, freedom, personal connection in relationships invariably have serious issues regarding self-esteem/confidence/control and end up doing same things (if it is a weekend, it means, going to the mall/watching movie/eating out) with same set of friends/social group, without realizing the need to expand the horizons. There is nothing wrong in mundane if it makes one happy but then why complain and resent others who achieve better in life? And by achievement, I don't just mean material achievements.  

In times when our work responsibilities, modern, urban living demand so much  of our time that its all the more important to be mindful about choices we make, think about with whom and how we spend our time, what we spend our energy on, what we do when professional/social responsibilities don't demand our time/energy. Most of the time, life just passes by! Our habits, interests, passions, routines, pursuits of goals/dreams (if at all there are any) and the way we go about it, reveal a great deal about who we truly are. 

The quality of life depends on our deeply rooted conditioning and how ready we are to make changes should there be any need. A small deliberate gesture to bring some change no matter how uncomfortable it may appear in the beginning can help one explore the possibilities of understanding what ticks us, makes us happy and give us fresh perspective on the way we live our life. Even if the change doesn't click for some reason, it still helps to bring us closer to things that might work for us. The continuous exploring possibilities help us define what we really want and who we truly are. And if the change resonates with our values/interests/dreams/goals, we should embrace it whole heartedly.

What we don't realize sometimes is that any amount of money no matter how obscene, a great career or the most enviable lifestyle is not going to ensure fulfillment and peace in life IF our life is not aligned well with our core values/goals/dreams that define our true being. Nothing is permanent in life; even our own selves are constantly born anew. The beauty lies in enjoying those fluid moments of constantly learning, growing and becoming new every single day. When we are willing to change, there are immense possibilities waiting to embrace us and help us widen our horizon. The problem is how ready we are really?  

    

Rhythm divine, call of the "Dhakis"

With arrival of autumn, the whiff of festivities gets thicker in the air bringing in lot of joy, hope, celebration of remnants of traditional customs and rituals, a much deserved respite from our daily grind.

I have always been very fascinated by the traditional drummers fron Bengal; Dhakis and their Dhunuchi Naach, an integral part of  puja celebrations. Its only around this time of the year that one gets to listen to them in full glory of their art form and watch them swirl to the rhythm of Dhaks, (a percussion instrument from Bengal) on every beat. Once Dhakis strap their Dhaks around their shoulders and start playing, the mood of puja suddenly livens up.

The soothing sound of Dhak holds immense magnetic pull and the moment the first beat is played, people start surrounding Dhakis, whirling, singing and dancing with Dhunuchi (coconut husks and herbs placed in earthen pots) in their hands. And suddenly, seemingly ordinary drummers are transformed into different beings; lost in their performance and worship of Maa Durga  adding divine grandeur with lot of energy and reverence, bringing in true essence of the puja. With different rhythms played for different occasions, this carnival of sound is something that one must experience to understand its enthralling magic.

The most alluring aspect for me during Durga puja, is watching conflux of old and new generations, reunion of traditional and modern, varied hues of life, each, in perfect harmony with other in celebration.

I overheard an old gentleman explaining his grandson how music of the Dhaks connects to our heart beat and how it has always been integral part of culture, tradition and life. The joy on face of that old gentleman while teaching his grandson swinging to the beat, was brimming with great nostalgia and I could not help thinking there could not be any better way to bring families together and get in touch with the roots. 

There is ethereal beauty to the energy at puja pandals despite all the chaos of the commercialization. After participating in Dhunuchi naach to my heart's content, I returned transformed; overjoyed, bubbling with loads of positive energy.   

Shubho Bijoya! May goddess Durga, bless you and your family!

Forget world peace, can we be human first?

Sometimes, I struggle really hard to stay away from writing about events that involve violence and human rights violation for a simple reason that such incidents are extremely painful to cope with, emotionally draining and their impact is too deep to shrug off and carry on with life as if nothing has changed just because I am not affected by it!

Yesterday, I read an article shared by one of my Facebook friends about a young mother of two, being stoned to death in Pakistan, for possessing a cell phone! The story is going viral since last two days on internet. I also read couple of articles on atrocities inflicted during recent terrorist attacks in a mall in Nairobi, dormitory in Nigeria and brutal killings in Muzaffarnagar during the recent communal riots. It is beyond my comprehension to understand such abhorrent acts of killings!  

On one hand, our national/global leaders talk a lot about "world peace" and on other, we end up being subjected to gruesome acts of terrorism every single day; whether it is at swanky high end mall in Nairobi, Damascus-Syria, Quetta-Pakistan, Afghanistan, U.S.A, India or "religious" extremists gunning down fifty sleeping students in a dormitory in Nigeria. There is a deeply disturbing trend of cult of hatred becoming a global epidemic endorsed by religious extremists. 

I fail to understand logic behind any religion that demands people from other religions to be killed! Its difficult to fathom politics of hatred that makes inhuman acts of violence not a regrettable necessity but the whole point and make people who subscribe to their ideologies, barbaric savages. With high stakes invested in terrorism, it has become a new currency to establish religious, political and economic power games for global domination. 

I am shocked by the mad fury of blood thirst whether it is the inhuman way people were killed at Nairobi mall or killings in Muzaffarnagar. Why just killing people was not enough that sawing and hacking humans had to happen? What kind of people don't flinch while shooting innocent people, including women and children? We remain savage both as a nation and as a race. 

How many of us would have courage to look into the eyes of a terrorist and tell him, "you are a bad man. Let us leave."?  Elliott Prior, a four year old kid, one of the survivors of the Kenya shopping mall terrorist attack, found that courage and confronted the armed "jihadi"after seeing his mother being shot in the thigh. Reading story of this little boy is truly inspiring! It gives some ray of hope that its okay to confront what is not right and question it. If a four year old can be brave enough in the most vulnerable situation that could cost him his life, can't we all look within and think if this is the kind of world we wish to leave for our children? If not, then what are we doing about it? 

"There is no flag large enough to cover shame of killing innocent people." Howard Zinn .

Please don't deny my love pumpkin!

"Heyy! whats up babe?"

"Whattttt?"

"Is it right time?

I'm sorry who is ....?"

"Listen jaan,I know you are angry about last night. You KNOW I didn't mean to hurt you love."

"Huh!!!?"

"Can we meet for lunch at our favourite place? I will take you for shopping at Palladium and then whatever you say for the whole day. Please?? I am not in mood to work until we sort out things between us. I wasn't myself last night. I want to start with clean slate.I'm so sorry shweetiepie!!"

"Hmmmm but..."

"Will you stop that?(irritated). Why do you always do this to me? Haven't we already been through this thousand times? You get a kick when I plead. Don't you?

THIS is your problem. When I try to make it up, you stretch unnecessarily and we end up fighting all the more!"

"Hello,I think you have got the wrong..."

"Okay listen, I know you want an apology. And I do agree, you deserve a PROPER one."

"Hello, Excuse me!"
"Now what? You know, you are driving me nuts pumpkin!! Didn't I say I was sorry?"

(A loud, uncontrolable laughter).

"Look,I want you to forget about break-up. DONT LAUGH!!!"

"WOULD YOU PLEASE LISTEN TO ME FOR ONCE???
I Think you have dialled a wrong number and you are talking to a wrong person."

"Holy s...!

F... Y.. Bitch!"

Interesting! The jerk abuses his girlfriend/wife/whatever, wants to make up for it and when dials a wrong number and bombards without listening, I become a bitch!!! 

I hope that his shweetiepie, pumpkin dials my number and I get to listen her side of story too! 

Some stories are far too juicy to hear in parts!  
Life never ceases to entertain me!

Would I leave a ding in the universe?

I recently went to Baroda to attend my late father's "shraddha", on his first death anniversary. In a very short span of a day during the rituals, my mind was occupied with memories making me go through mixed emotions, leaving my sentiments bit wobbly. I returned, engulfed with restlessness; result of yet another reminder of how things changed within the family post my parents' demise in last three years! 

Last evening, while walking on the beach, (my favourite place I visit when I feel the need to calm down) looking at the foot prints on the sand, a lot of memories with my parents were played on my mind; beautiful, abundant memories of a very blessed childhood, memories that brought out best associations with neighbours and extended family members conveying great reverence for my parents that made me feel proud.

Its strange how in spite of knowing that my parents have journeyed well and it was natural for them to depart, I sometimes crave for their physical presence to preserve my link, comfort and indescribably potent sense of security. Try as we may, to prepare ourselves for the departure of those who have been part of our lives, how difficult it is to remain stoic when the moment actually arrives! 

Have you ever observed how the beach unfolds lot of stories of the people passed by before us? We walk different paths leaving different foot prints. Some play, some run, some walk erratically, alone, others, with someone special, making castles while some just sit gazing at the horizon and waves. Some people ensure to erase foot prints of people passed before them, while some walk gently without disturbing anything in the surrounding, enjoying every step. Many of us don't leave foot prints because of where and how we choose to walk while some foot prints are rooted so deeply that even the waves are not able to erase them!

Looking at the way my parents touched so many lives, I can't help thinking, when I am gone, would I have made any difference to a few lives? Am I walking a right path to be like a fossil; leave an impression on sand that solidifies into rock so that many years later people can marvel about life I lived, literally and metaphorically?  

"When its over, I want to say; all my life I was a bride married to amazement. I was a bridegroom, taking the world into my arms. When it is over, I don't want to wonder if I have made of my life something particular, and real. I don't want to find myself sighing and frightened and full of argument. I don't want to end up simply having visited this world." Mary Oliver

This quote reminds me of Steve Job's wish to leave a ding in the universe. It isn't about passing through. Its about leaving a mark. Ever thought, what is your mark going to be?

Dose of inspiration from the road

Traffic signals and foot paths in the metro cities of India are huge scrolls of never ending stories. They narrate tales that are tall. Not tall stories. 

There is diverse array of people trying to do business on footpaths, traffic signals and on road everyday. In our corporate humdrum dominated urban lives, we don't allow ourselves to explore their stories pregnant within. I know, we can't always afford to. In a city like Bombay, that plays host to every conceivable inhabitant on planet Earth, survival for these people gets painfully tough. 

In all these years of regular commute, I have learnt to stop struggling to fight with rising decibel levels and concern about encroachment of public roads and footpaths and have learnt to shift my focus to seeing beauty amid the chaos at traffic snarls and have come across most inspiring and fascinating tales of human spirit.

Since last couple of days, on my daily drive, I have been watching two stunningly beautiful Marwari women from Rajasthan, selling bead jewelry at the traffic signal. Watching these women selling their jewelry is absolute delight! Most of the times, while so many other people at the signal don't even merit a cursory second glance, I look forward to spotting theses women and interact with them as much as possible. Apart from their raw enchanting beauty and breathtakingly beautiful sense of dressing, its their seamless efficiency and mind blowing power of striking a deal within few seconds is what grabbed my attention instantly. 

Think about this. They don't have enough education as back-up or set of skills to define their "core competence" in "key result areas" to confine themselves to as each day brings in new challenges that demands them to change and adept. They have to provide for their entire family, including men and can you even guess the load of that burden? They are left with no choice but look forward to each day, face it head on; shouting, haggling, arguing, avoiding lecherous glances and touches, take humiliations in stride and yet try hard to sell their products taking all this in their stride with great élan, with a lovely, genuine smile on face and sense of "get-on-with-it, no matter what, WITHOUT seeking pity or any help! 

A gentle smile, a friendly wave or a full throated greeting to these women have made many of my days. I have gained a lot when they come to me and in those brief moments, share their experiences of harsh city life. It is in encounters like these that I realize I am part of a very blessed minority. I am waiting to catch up with their life stories to unfold strand by strand and when it does, I know there are many lessons to learn about business, management and life in general, that even the most elitist business school in the world can never impart!   

Meeting little superheroes

It was more out of commitment that I dragged myself and put on my happy face and headed to St. Jude Child Care Center at Tata Memorial Hospital for Cancer treatment and research, last Sunday; not really knowing what to expect except hovering death hounded by critical illness. I had injured myself and was in deep pain and at one point, was tempted to call it off but fortunately I didn't listen to that voice inside me.  

When I reached with my son to the children's ward, my pain vanished completely and I found instead, beautiful, profound lessons on how to live every moment of life. The real inspiration came from the children suffering from dreadful disease of cancer; so young, so strong willed and full of life! They were of a varied lot and the astounding thing about these kids was that other than their masks, bald heads and other obvious evident symptoms of cancer that gave away their condition, they looked and behaved normal like any other kid of their age. 

One of the most endearing experiences was when a toddler sat in my lap without any hesitation; I cautiously rested my arm around him and when his warm, frail fingers gently entwined into mine, tightly, there was rush of emotions that is beyond words! 

The innocence and vulnerability of children in the cancer ward was so troubling that I could not find courage to speak with the parents much. Looking at their sullen stares and burden of everyday struggle of not knowing what each day held for their apple of eye, I knew my sympathy, no matter how genuine seemed too hollow against the enormity of their pain.    

There was only one question I had in my mind, why them? The children were so young that they didn't deserve to be there. They needed the comfort of their own homes, fights with siblings, play in gay abandon, which was preferable to this comfortable but impersonal place like hospitals.


It is strange how easily we forget what a precious gift life is. Looking at all the painful stories around me, I was choked. Thankfully, I met two wonderful people Mr. Agastya kapoor and his lovely wife Bindiya, the organizers of the event,I learnt about their great initiative Someone.Somewhere.; http://www.someonesomewhere.org/ that provides community service through  unique events and helps out people in need.

When I saw Mr. Agastya Kapoor, talking about animation films, connecting with children with great ease, make them laugh, and engaging them in fun conversation, encouraging children to make greeting cards for Indian soldiers, I was touched. It is in moments like this, when our faith in humanity is strengthened. 


I thanked Mr. Agastya Kapoor, his wife and my facebook friend Ranjit Uzgare, whom I met for first time through this event, for inviting me and left with heavy heart haunted by piercing gaze of helpless parents of children at cancer ward. The only respite was the beautiful and positive energy Mr. Agastya Kapoor had created that brought lot of smile on children's face. I took back with me a lot more than I had anticipated; the unforgettable smiles on children's face and their inspiring angelic spirit. I said a silent prayer and kept my eyes closed till we reached home and when my son told me with a lump in his throat, "mom, we have reached home." I knew he was as deeply moved and was praying too.     

My super cool Lord Krishna is missing !

"Looks like, Lord Krishna is spoilt for choice when it comes to political parties", said my son, in jest, looking at posters full of photographs of local politicians, sponsoring Janmashtami celebration in the area. Poor Lord Krishna looked precarious in the posters, almost invisible amid the crowd of politicians vying for attention. There was a complete mayhem on the road with plenty of trucks full of "govindas", hunched in their colourful tees and bandanas trying to enjoy every bit of fleeting moments of glory coming their way. Each truck represented a candidate from some political party. Govindas, dancing to the tunes of blaring Bollywood numbers were adding to the ruckus.

If you live in Mumbai, perhaps, you may not find anything unusual in the scene I described. Problem is, with each passing year, the competition to flaunt political clout becomes much intense around such festival celebrations, luring people with obscene amount of prize money. I find this trend deeply disturbing.

I was very fortunate to have had a childhood that gave me exposure to various cultures and taught me to respect and value the cultural differences. I remember having celebrated most Indian festivals in a very simple, unique yet beautiful style.

As a child, Janmashtami meant collecting money from every possible house in neighbourhood with bunch of playmates and friends; buying clay toys and decorating the venue to recreate the scene of Bal Krishna's birth. It meant, being transformed into completely different world that was introduced by granny's endless stories of Lord Krishna and finally being part of it in some beautiful little way.

The joy of decorating the venue with clay toys like small white cows, idols of Vasudev and Devaki, a special colourful cradle, where embellished version of Bal Gopal was placed was beyond words. I still remember that feeling when a generous neighbour donated princely sum of fifty or hundred rupees! (During those days, donations generally ranged between ten to twenty rupees). 

The entire experience was more of exercise of learning essence of team work, leadership, organizational and management skills. Now when I look back I can't stop thinking what a farce we have made of our beautiful festivals! The very essence of the festivals, its ethos is completely lost. Quintessence of bonding of various cultures around these festivals is replaced by vulgar display of power, money, political one up-man-ship and perverse influence of Bollywood glamour.

Faith in Almighty/God/religion is difficult to put in words and it is a very unique and personal experience. This very faith helps us hold life with equanimity and drive our emotions to surpass worldly boundaries and govern that unseen, infinite power within us. But when this very faith is altered for the sake of carnal, political and commercial gains, does it remain the same? 

Should I be surprised that, I can't find my favourite Lord Krishna in any of Janmashtami pandals?

Are Indian men rapists?

Since last couple of days, an article "India: the story you never wanted to hear" by Rose Chasm (http://ireport.cnn.com/docs/DOC-1023053) has gone viral on social networking sites. After reading that article, I was stunned, appalled and deeply shamed. What also shocked me was the response on social networking sites/media channels on this painful story that reflected not just deep anguish/concern/empathy for Rose and unfortunate victims like her but also a dangerous mind-set of labelling/pronouncing all Indian men as rapists/perverts. 

Another unfortunate event that coincidentally happened last week, a photo journalist was gang-raped in Mumbai and the sad incident shook the country. Media and social networking sites went berserk like usual and the tamasha of blame game still continues! 

Pain of rape or any form of abuse is very difficult to put in words and the damage it causes to the victim is difficult to comprehend. Being a woman, I can imagine the trauma Rose and many unfortunate victims like her have to suffer. Many Indian women have experienced some form of abuse in varied degrees that Rose narrates in her agonizing outburst. But to conclude that all Indian men are rapists or perverts would be like dismissing and deriding entire collective without blinking an eye and that, I find very unfair and unacceptable.

Yes, there are sick people who don't flinch while abusing others for sake of their pervert satisfaction. Any form of abuse occurs where there is mind-set of entitlement; entitlement to do whatever it takes to satisfy one's deviant needs. This sense of entitlement breeds not only in societies where the voice of patriarchy always sabotages voice of girl child on issues of equality and equal opportunities; or societies where a male child is treated as God's greatest gift to humanity. Crimes against women happen everywhere in world, even in most advanced, socially liberated societies. Women are raped even in countries where stringent laws are implemented well. And by saying this, I am not trying to trivialize the enormity of issue of crimes against women.  Rapists/abusers don't belong to any particular caste, creed, nationality, social/educational/financial strata of a society, they are born out of regressive environment, unhealthy mind-set of sex-in-your-face macho-ism, chest thumping aggression to proclaim ultimate male virility that revels in power tactics to abuse as a means of perverse pleasure.

I happen to know interesting range of people right from slums to people working at very senior positions in corporate sector. Like all women, I am aware how it feels when someone ogles, or tries to rape you with eyes. I know how violated a woman feels when a formal handshake during business meeting lasts longer than it should. I have experienced violation when someone posted audacious comments on my photograph on facebook, crossing line of decency. And in spite of these experiences I would not like to generalize men and call them "jerks". The men I know, observe, interact with and am surrounded by are educated, evolved and decent people with a gender-sensitive conscience; they are equally pained by gruesome and tragic incidents of crimes against women and are deeply disturbed to be portrayed as debauchers and brutes. I have met men; complete strangers, who have turned out to be very decent, protective, respectful, cultured (irrespective of the background) and have always been very kind and helpful to me.

What happened with Rose and so many victims like her is deeply disturbing. I am in favour of zero tolerance for crimes against women or for that matter anybody irrespective of gender. It is great to bring awareness of serious issues and spread the message by participating in constructive discussions but let us be careful about not ending up punishing those who are not guilty by passing our harsh judgments on them. Let's not punish the innocents please!