Trepidations and a pleasant surprise at pottery studio

A pleasant surprise that emerged from the kiln in first firing leaving a natural tinge of orange, my only consolation! 

Nestled in my favourite chair; listening to jazz music in my room, alone, is enough to bring complete calm and transport me to a different world on a normal day but since last few days, nothing is working and the calm seems to be fleeting my utterly chaotic cerebrum even before it settles down for a few moments. Well, there is nothing new about my incoherent mind and its convoluted configurations. The reason for this current inner circus is the trepidations experienced at the pottery studio in last few days.

My first batch of pots that I made using hand built techniques have survived first firing in the kiln and as I write this, are being fired yet again with the glaze and that, is making me restless. I am not happy with the way I handled glaze. After working for hours on a single pot, seeing it survive the kiln and watch its beautiful transformation I am afraid if the way I have glazed my pots would retain the soul of what I had created.  I am deeply worried about the destiny of my pots as I know it is likely that they might be ruined in firing due to glaze and that feeling is very painful. 

Since last two months, in my consistent endeavour to learn pottery, there has been constant churning, seething cauldron of emotions, collected in endless moments of strife. Clay has beguiling magic and it is very easy to underestimate how intricate the art and craft of pottery is! Touch of clay can be ethereal experience! There is deep sense of satisfaction derived from giving a form to amorphous lump of clay. One feels sense of integration with the earth, the very source of our material. There is some strange sense of belonging.

A potter’s journey is poignant. It helps one realize timber of one's inner spiritual pulse. Clay, as a material is very difficult to handle at all stages and one has to be constantly diligent from beginning till end, in order to avoid damage or breakage. Patience and unpredictability are imperative to a potter's journey and that is precisely why a restless soul like me is having hard time. There are endless disappointments as well as pleasant surprises. After having invested hours in creating a piece, it requires great deal of  fortitude to cope with gut wrenching disappointment that can cause gleaming stab of sadness of a vaguely and incoherently broken dream. 

I know every potter goes through this whirlwind of frustration. Pots break, fall apart and don't always meet one's expectations, goals or vision. It is a natural and normal part of creative process. While sometimes waiting disconsolate, wrapped in contrived patience for a pot to emerge from the kiln, something sublimely fulfilling happens leaving a creative surge and immense joy of endless possibilities. 

I am trying to remind myself lessons learnt at the pottery studio, that stand true for life and relationships in general;
Don't get emotionally attached to any pot.
Mend the cracks, the moment they emerge so that they don't weaken the pot.

Wish it was easy to really follow it, as I can't stop thinking if my pots would be blessed or cursed?!