My colour therapy

These days, when I have to step out from the airconditioned enviorns even for few seconds in scorching heat and annoying humidity of Mumbai, I huff and puff over it. Despite being equipped with Sun screen creams, lots of bottles of drinking water, cap or umbrella and what not, there is no reprieve! 

It is that time of the year when no conversation gets complete without mentioning sweltering heat.  We sweat, fret, fume and freak in unison over its torture in ritualistic manner and curse  Summer for showing no mercy. 

Summer, is a tough season in country like India but Nature has its own way of compensating us with awe-inspiring beauty of trees bursting with palette of colours in different hues and forms.   

Bright and bold, fascinating and deep; colours are strewn abundantly, all around creating magic of marvel, the only respite from trying temperature. What a stunning sight to behold! 

I feel so blessed to be surrounded by this absolute abundance and be able to wake up to heady fragrance of morning blooms. Sometimes piece of heaven wafts by the window with divine fragrance of Ratrani. 

To sit at the window, near the garden for early morning tea can bring meditative moments. With birds chirping and the wind chimes flirting with gentle breeze it is a welcome start for the flamboyant day!  

When I notice these graceful forms of Nature instantly enthralling the spirit, it creates therapeutic impact. I call it Nature's colour therapy.  

Amidst the harsh, ruggedness of Summer these blooms signify life force, vigour, optimism, youth and hope for me and I love to embrace it whole heartedly.

"Flowers... are a proud assertion that a ray of beauty outvalues all the utilities of the world." 

Ralph Waldo Emerson, 1844.

Feeling almost like Siddhartha!

"Desolving Buddha" sculpture by Bhagwan Rampure, displayed at art festival, Wassup Andheri  

Things have been different around the house off lately. It is past midnight and as I write this, there is complete quiet here. Not the joyful, serenely comforting silence of my home but the suffocating silence and it is unsettling. 


Past few days, me and my family experienced harrowing time and I had panic attacks that were triggered by my son's hospitalization. I am yet to find the holy-grail to eliminate my anxiety completely and when it comes to my son, I find it difficult to go.


For any parent the most devastating experience is to see his/her child in pain. The trauma of bleak thoughts with fear of unknown future is sometimes too much to bear. Fortunately, my son is home after being hospitalized for a week and is recuperating but the vignettes of life displayed at hospital during his stay have shaken and humbled me deeply. We often find truths about life in least expected spaces, in least imagined ways.


The day I rushed my son to the hospital, there was a group of about fifty people, gathered at accidents and emergency ward. One of the staff members of the hospital, a doctor had died of massive heart attack at age of thirty eight. He had worked till six in morning, taking care of I.C.U patients and left saying he would be back soon after taking some rest at home. Looking at his numb wife, grieving parents and siblings was heart wrenching experience. 


There were so many people, all connected with their individual pain, looking at each other sympathetically. There was a lady, in a state of shock, crying incessantly; worrying about her husband who was rushed to the hospital after a fatal road accident, a disturbed father anxious about his daughter's badly fractured arm, an uneducated old couple, all by themselves struggling to cope with overload of terms that they never heard of, making futile attempt to make sense to them. The medical practitioners, trying earnestly to communicate in the simple language but feeling frustrated for not being at the same wavelength to explain what was required to convey and sometimes dealing with patients and their relatives going in state of denial that rapidly changed into anger.


Fortunately, when my son was shifted to his room from accidents and emergency ward and during his stay, I had some respite in learning about so many tales of survival and saw new born babies and the happy parents that helped keep my faith in life.

Life is a precious offering but we are so deeply entrenched in hyperactivities, indulgence, leisure and affluence to realize value of one breath! We don't know what the next moment holds for us and yet we live our life so callously in pursuit of a "perfect" life without acknowledging or appreciated our blessings. Rarely do we understand that life is in NOW, in this very moment! If we don't embrace it, it is gone forever.


In last few days, I have come closer to understanding dilemma of Gautam Buddha that he experienced as prince Siddhartha. No, I am not an enlightened soul like him to head for path of liberation nor is my intent to be preachy but something within me has certainly changed. I will make conscious effort to learn, grow and evolve. Be kind, mindful and grateful about everything life has so generously bestowed upon me. I can't take life for granted, ever again!

It is not just a game, silly!

What a week it was for the "game of gentlemen"! Five cricketers from the Indian Premier League season 5 were caught in a sting operation discussing money for match fixing followed by suspension from the BCCI and the IPL.


After a sparkling victory of KKR team over Mumbai Indians, Shahrukh Khan in his high spirited form stole the spotlight at Wankhede stadium with his bizarre antics. This face off with Mumbai Cricket Association was a debacle that could have been easily averted had SRK maintained some dignity. Instead, he went ballistic in most uncivilized manner; abusing security guards with filthy language and cheap gestures like a typical roadside hooligan, right before his own children! What was security guards' crime? They were performing their duty by prohibiting SRK's entourage who happened to be non-accredited guests. 

It is commendable of Mumbai Cricket Association's security guards to perform their duty without succumbing to any pressure of "celebrity power". MCA has proposed ban on SRK but he seems to be in no mood to apologize and instead is expecting apology from the MCA staff. SRK, so far has shown no guilt, shame or regret for his misbehaviour in public. The mudslinging match between both the parties continues. I am sure Shah Rukh Khan would emerge unscathed from this controversy thanks to his "connections" in Delhi and almost "demi-God like" celebrity status.

The nation was thoroughly engrossed and entertained by this brawl when in yet another drama, Australian cricketer, Luke Pomersbach, member of Royal Challengers, Banglore, IPL team, was arrested for allegedly molesting an American woman and getting violent with her fiancé in Delhi. Interestingly, Siddhartha Mallya, director of the Royal Challengers, in his display of royal stupidity ranted sexist tweet that further spiced up the whole tamasha! 


Welcome to the new age cricket! Its a heady concoction of greed, ambition, wealth, glamour, sleaze, power play, fiefdom and politics. Why complain when it is a 'dream come true" like fantasy promising instant celebrity-hood, recognition, unlimited attention, adulation and obscene money? It is a win-win situation where even the audience finds a great escape from banality of their drab, mundane lives. Why worry about falling rupee and other grave issues when media is serving eyeballs grabbing juicy content about our "stars". And in a celebrity obsessed nation like ours, those stories are never enough.  So, keep them rolling baby and forget the game of cricket! It is meant for only gentlemen. 

Oh mother!

I was heading towards the billing counter at Landmark book store when I saw a little girl, about five years playing with blocks kept for the children near the music section. Her nanny, barely in her teens, stood close to the tiny table loaded with blocks and other toys, watching admiringly. I stopped at the music section pretending to check some music while observing this tiny tot make beautiful designs with blocks. (I am guilty of this crime every time I visit this book store. It makes me feel nostalgic of the times when my son was that age)


A few minutes must have passed when a lady walked in with a boy about eight or nine with Down syndrome. The boy watched the girl play with blocks and gravitated towards her table bit hesitantly. The girl was too engrossed to notice him. This continued for some time and after a while when the girl finally noticed the boy, she sensed there was something different about him and soon her expressions changed. Perhaps, she had not seen someone like that before! 


What followed was amazing! The girl approached the boy and asked, "bhaiya aap mere saath kheloge?"(would you like to play with me brother?) The boy withdrew completely and walked away towards his mother. The girl followed him, gave him a hug and said, "chalo na bhaiya, aap ko  maza ayega" ( let's go brother, you would have great fun!) The boy's mother, touched by this beautiful gesture of the girl, smiled and took both children to the table and encouraged her son to play with her. Once she saw them striking a chord, she resumed her shopping in nearby section albeit checking every now and then if the children were okay. It did not take much time for the girl to be comfortable with the boy's little strange reactions and ways he communicated. 


I was witnessing purest form of human connection and my eyes became moist watching that small girl encouraging the boy with claps and words like "very good bhaiya" even when he had not made much progress. I was wondering what a phenomenal human being that tiny girl was at such a tender age and what a beautiful creation God had made in a woman by giving her nurturing nature. Just then, mother of the girl emerged from another section and slapped the nanny using filthy words and abusing her for letting the girl play with the boy with the obvious disability.


I would prefer avoiding exact words mother of the girl used to describe the boy for they are far too cruel. The lady's outburst shocked the girl and she kept asking the mother, "mama, main bhiaya ke saath kyon nahi khel sakti?" ( mom, why can't I play with him?) The lady ignored her and dragged her out of the store while the nanny followed them helplessly. I was stunned by what had happened before my eyes as it was impossible for me to comprehend that a person could be this vile and inhuman towards someone already suffering so much! The boy started crying and his mother's expression changed while trying hard to console him. It was evident on her face that she had experienced painful encounters of denial, grief, anger, remorse, guilt, isolation and discrimination every day!


It was not the right time for me to show sympathy or talk to the mother and son hence I left for the billing counter but I was haunted by the face of that tiny little angel who had shown such remarkable maturity in dealing with the boy despite the obvious disability; crying helpless face of that boy and sullen face of his mother.

What makes us so insensitive towards people with disability? As parents we are sometimes overprotective about our children but does it mean we show complete disregard for someone else's suffering? The girl's mother's imbecile behaviour is a reflection of attitude we have as society towards disabled people. Parents typically fear their children might be exposed to some infectious disease. Agreed, sometimes coping with presence of a disabled child/person might not be easy but why use derogatory terms like "retards" or "curse from God"? Aren't they human beings too?

Having a disabled member is a huge, relentless task for family members who are invariably subjected to social isolation, abuse and discrimination. Every single day for them is an exhausting struggle to win and a painful story of great endurance due to unhealthy mindset of society and virtual apartheid. 


Empathy is a core attribute of humanity and if we are devoid of it, what are we going to teach our children? But who said by giving birth to a child a woman becomes a mother? 

A lingering urge

"Actor prepares" an installation by Shailesh Singh at Wassup Andheri festial

As I write this, I am little teary eyed! Life has been extremely hectic and tiring since past few weeks. There has been tremendous pressures due to increasing demands and expectations from my personal and professional life. I am happy to have  achieved some professional goals, very content in having been a great host to endless guests and nursing a few ailing family members and relatives. I wonder from where I received all that strength despite having dangerously low level of vitamin B12! 

Like an actor who is compelled to put various acts in short span of time, I have been donning various roles over and above my usual ones and am terribly exhausted. I yearn for some quiet now. Where does one put the longing and how does one build a place inside oneself to endure that ache? What does one do when frenetic cadence of life becomes too much to bear and only the sound of our own breaths echo through the void?

Do you know that feeling when one feels alone despite life and love oozing out all around? When my body and mind are too much to bear I need to go for walks; preferably amid Nature, gaze at sky on a starlit night or the last loaf of evening Sun. Nothing between me and the sky or Sun, only my alive languishing self, the way Sun sets slowly without a body everywhere. 

I wish to be gloriously lazy like a snail snugged in sandy dawn or that snail having a blast on the tree, full of blossom standing with lonely grandeur amidst the brocade of leaves! I am watching it from my room- a space of complete serenity that opens my world even further with each passing day.  I wish to hover close to a young blossom stretching its bark in a new spring erupting like longing, so small in the air that you must hover close to ascertain fragrance. While huge, tumbling clouds slide into the Sun on other side of the world on its very distinct path it looks random to me.

Isn't it amusing that when sometimes life reduces to emotional state management (and I am not talking about the observant pacifier Zen like thing) it helps to chase hedonistic pleasure. Emotions are the axioms of life and mine are always invariably inconsistent!

I think, Its time to head to the spa!