A welcome break at Goa

Past two weeks have been really amazing for me. A week before last, I got to spend some time alone and last week, I headed to Goa, with family, for a much awaited break. I am feeling gloriously lazy as I write this post. Blame it on Goa. The trace of that sweet, incorrigible, idle inertia, that is typical of Goa, is still lingering. And you know what, I absolutely love it!

 Sun-set at Goa, a truly divine experience

All I have done during this trip to Goa is; sit at the beach at the dawn enjoying music of waves while entire world was fast asleep, watching myriad colours and moods of morning and realize in those tranquil moments what a divine luxury doing absolutely nothing and being immersed in Nature is!

Early morning view on the beach 

At the beach; I noticed every single ray of light at the sun set and sun rise, completely soaked in its stunningly beautiful colours, mesmerized with the sheer abundance, admiring the vast canvas of  the sky, changing hues, moods and energy in perfect harmony with the waves that managed to compose great symphonies. Looking endlessly at the infinite sky, fascinated, intrigued and in complete awe, I once again experienced how insignificant I always feel, realizing that all my harnessed energies are nothing compared to latent forces of Nature.

Vagator beach at noon

Some of the old cottages that I saw during my long walks were bereft of the hype and hoopla of the bubbling energy around it. They had that distinct mystically obscure character which evoked strange emotions. Amidst the modern day malice in the name of development, cacophony of noise and gaudy colours, some cottages have still retained their old world charm and stand majestic even while being juxtaposed to the scale of sea. 

Scenic view from a hill 

During our visit, we could not explore Goa as much as we would have ideally loved to due to my mother in law's health but the trip provided a much deserved escape from the madness of our  routinely frazzled urban life. I returned transformed in some beautiful subtle way; courtesy, long walks and magic of the beach, infinite sky, swaying coconut trees, serene Sunrise and Sunsets, touch of soft sand on bare feet and discovering precious treasures of myriad colours, forms and textures in sea shells. 

"I can't watch sea for a long time or what is happening on land doesn’t interest me anymore.” Monica Vitti

Being alone and absolutely loving it!

My favourite cinnamon scented candle, fills the room with beautiful fragrance!

I am on a great high! Hubby and son were out of Bombay for work and holiday respectively and I was left alone for three consecutive days. My normal days that are filled with multi-tasking for various roles at home and work, were transformed into sheer bliss! I devoted those three days completely to my "cave time".

Nobody in the house meant not catering to anybody's demands, expectations, no running around and devoting ALL the time and energy to whatever I fancied. What a kick to find little time just to unwind, hang loose, not worry about anything under the Sun! And you know what, I love my company and enjoy it immensely.(Does that sound Narcissistic?) Fortunately, entire universe conspired to fulfill my wish and the cell phone conked off for almost two days giving me great respite. 

I fail to understand why people are afraid to be alone or get uncomfortable with the very idea of spending time with their own selves! My quest to seize every opportunity to get a few moments alone has helped me understand and experience myself and life much better. Being alone means discovering unfamiliar territories in my cerebrum, getting in touch with part of myself that is deeply buried at some corner of heart. What follows in those few moments of awareness, is an amazing journey that helps me grow and evolve. It is interesting experience to shut oneself completely from outside world and shift the focus within, for change.

Being alone for me is deeply spiritual process at some level as it means unlocking the silence within and listen to what my body, mind and heart really seek and that process provides great healing. Being alone means, having all the time in the world to read, listen to the music, rest, sleep, go for longer walks, meditate more and pamper myself silly.

Being alone and spending time with oneself is deeply rewarding and powerful experience especially when the continuous chatter in the mind is silenced and one is able to understand and be absolutely comfortable with that silence. I don't understand why we haven't learnt to value silence? One of the greatest achievements in life is understanding value in being alone and knowing how to handle it well! It can be very useful and important life skill. 

Solitude brings in much more awareness of one's body, calmer mind and rejuvenated spirit. Suddenly, there is stillness where one is much more involved in everything one does. The process is sacred and helps one get in touch with our core, inner being and discover oneself anew.

I am not a loner. I really love socializing and being surrounded by people but there is a threshold point beyond which I just can't take it and crave to be immersed in solitude and cut off myself from outside world. And in those tranquil moments, I am always oozing with sublime fulfillment and every single cell of my body is in perfect harmony with the universe. There is complete calm and inner peace. With my body, mind and soul nourished, there is nothing left to attain and I am just happy to BE! 

Circus of media, politicians, Bollywood and clemency for mr. Sanjay Dutt

Today’s article is little difficult to write owing to the complexity and different facets of the issue discussed. While I write this, I am very much aware of the fact that I neither have any background in law nor am I an expert in judiciary. Being a proud citizen of this great democracy, this article is onerous responsibility to express anguish and concern that is deeply resonated in so many people around me.

In lavish spectacle of events last week, Mr. Sanjay Dutt was sentenced five years of imprisonment, for possessing prohibited weapon, AK-47, without license. Ever since this judgment was pronounced, the chairman of the press council of India, Justice Markandey Katju, members of parliament, Mrs. Jaya Bachchan, Mr. Digvijay Singh and a few other parliamentarians from the congress party and some prominent people from Bollywood are creating lot of noise making an appeal for pardon for mr. Sanjay Dutt. The media, as usual, has joined the circus and the gruesome incident of 1993 Mumbai bomb blasts has been reduced to nothing but a farce, showing complete disregard for loss of more than 250 precious lives and the magnitude of the horror it created for the victims and their families! The entire focus of this tragic case is shifted to Sanjay Dutt, courtesy, his political and Bollywood clout and media. I wonder, if we really honour human life?  

There are issues that one can't help notice since judgment of Mr. Sanjay Dutt's case was pronounced last week. In fact, there is nothing new happening that has not happened before when it comes to high profile celebrity being involved in some crime. The way media has run the story so far and people making ruckus over clemency for Mr. Sanjay Dutt is truly appalling. 

My first objection is, why are we even discussing the judgment to this length? Why there is so much talk about clemency and how Mr. Sanjay Dutt has suffered"enough, already"? Interestingly, people who plead for clemency seem to have conveniently forgotten the impact such talk can have on others who have proven guilty or the ones who have already served the punishment for their equally heinous crimes. The very premise of the argument that mr.Dutt should be given special consideration and pardoned and the reasons cited for the same are insanely shocking. More shocking is the stature of people involved in this tamasha. I hope, they realize that here, the crime for which mr.Dutt is being punished is of extremely grave nature. Their dear "Sanjubaba" wasn't a five year old kid who had stolen a toy gun! He had AK47, which he procured by illegal means without license! The investigations also proved that mr.Dutt was in touch with some underworld people who were involved with Mumbai bomb blasts. Do people pleading for Sanjay Dutt's pardon even know what they are talking about and its implication? There is difference in sympathizing and trying to use the perceived power of one's celebrity value and make an attempt to influence, obfuscate real issue. The so called power that comes with celebrity status also demands exercising discretion which is invariably always forgotten. How dare anyone make mockery of our judiciary? Its a dangerous trend that should not be tolerated. 

My other objection is that with media. Where does one draw line between activism by media and trial by media? Media's role is to serve as catalyst in bringing out the facts without making any attempt to influence them. But in some high profile cases, the media coverage comes across as biased, inadequate, sensational, inaccurate, unfair, misleading, irresponsible and damaging to public interest. I am not saying all the stories covered in media are in that light but in times when media houses are becoming power houses and considering the filthy money involved in it and its requirement for profit just like any other business model for survival makes one question its professional integrity. Media's role is to assist in evaluating the significance of the events covered and NOT pronouncing judgments and indulging in trail for sake of attracting eyeballs. 

The media sometimes interferes by being intensely involved in high profile cases thus creating sensation, provoking atmosphere of public hysteria thereby in the process diluting the very seriousness of actual issue/crime. Isn't it high time the media is punished for sensationalizing issues and indirectly influencing matters of governance, judiciary by creating public hysteria? Isn't it time for some stringent laws for media?      

The article 19(1) (a) of the Indian constitution, grants Indian citizens right to freedom of speech and expression. The freedom of media is a necessary outcome of the right to freedom of expression that involves right to receive and impart information that serves as catalyst for any democracy. However this article is often misinterpreted at convenience as the freedom granted is not absolute. It is bound by the sub clause (2) of the same article and more importantly, the right of freedom of speech and expression does not allow the freedom of committing contempt of court.    

The judgment on Mumbai bomb blasts has barely provided any closure for the lives lost. Let's not allow anyone to make a joke of this horrendous crime case. And let's remind those appealing for clemency for mr.Sanjay Dutt that it is not some Bollywood flick of rise and fall of some great star that they are talking about. It is a real life tragedy where an adult committed a heinous crime of possessing and destroying a dangerous weapon, AK 47. And no, it does not matter which family he belongs to or the fact that he is a great Bollywood star. In eyes of Indian law, he is as guilty as any other criminal indulging such unpardonable crimes. If mr. Sanjay Dutt is really so "good hearted" in real life as he is being portrayed in media by the political and Bollywood lobbyists, then it is high time he displayed some "gandhigiri" and served the punishment with dignity. 

Enough of rhetoric! It is time to honour those who lost their lives in Mumbai 1993 bomb blasts.       

Take a chill pill !

  Fragrant respite showered from this blooming Champa tree, a sign that God loves me  

As I write this, my ego is HUGELY bruised. There can't be bigger dent to your ego than your heart feeling like a sixteen year old but your body not cooperating, rebelling and forcing you to slow down as it needs some repair and time to get in perfect harmony with your mind and soul! Call it self-imposed punishment for all the abuse I inflict upon myself by ignoring warning signs of pains and aches of fatigue that emerge from every single cell of my body, threatening to revolt from time to time. There is a continuous struggle between my heart and spirit trying to seduce me to go back to zillion things that I love doing and my body, that fails to keep up with its pace. 

I had appointment with my doctor last week. After the reports and medicines were discussed, the doctor suggested, I take a break for few days and relax as he felt I am "too stressed". Well, taking few days off isn't that easy at this stage but working on my stress level certainly is. I am consciously trying to slow down, take things little easy these days. It is surprising sometimes how easily I fall in trap of being stressed out by things that don't really matter!

A few hours before I started writing this article; I was playing events of the whole day, in my mind in attempt to figure out the problem areas causing me stress. Contemplating on a few situations/incidents of the day and the way I reacted which resulted in to unnecessary stress, negativity and anxiety, is quite an eye opener. Honestly, I am shocked with the revelation! As I sit here, actually at the end of the day, thinking about all that happened during whole day, I wonder what REALLY matters at this very point? When I think about the incidents with calm mind now, I feel I could have easily avoided so much negativity and stress. And it was not at all difficult!

One of our maids had arrived pretty late in morning and my blood started brewing thinking about how the whole schedule would get messed up causing delay that was entirely avoidable. No exchange of words occurred between me and the staff but my body language conveyed how mad I was and that created cold vibes.     

While heading for some work, I was stuck in mad traffic, cursing my past life karma and seriously contemplating if there was any possibility of atonement. There was this man in his SUV who kept on honking while trying to cut my lane creating quite a chaos in the traffic and when I didn't allow that to happen as it would have caused accident, he used some fowl words and showed his middle finger. "Bloody jerk!" was my instant reaction and the rage I felt for being abused stayed inside me for quite some time causing me unnecessary anger.

During a telephonic conversation with a nasty relative which was a social obligation, the lady , true to her image, managed to say sick things that pained me deeply. I was furious while watching her stoop to such low level without having any regard for kindness and respect being extended by me without her having actually earned it! 

My mother in law had sent a box of sweet and I gorged on it and just when I was enjoying the experience thoroughly, I went on the guilt ride, (How on earth could you eat those calorie bombs Simi? What a shameless creature"!) When I counted the calories consumed, I was almost in tears.

In the evening, hubby's message announced that he was going to get some guests over for supper. The mind went in "crisis" mode as the message meant changing plans to accommodate five additional people. Of course, the guests left happy as they were taken care of very well and pampered but at the end of the day I was left exhausted.

What was the outcome of all the "stressful" events during the day? Well, the maid came late but the work was done neatly, just the way it is done every day, on time. The "bloody jerk" did manage to irritate quite a few people and I am sure at one of the traffic signals he would have been noticed by the police and hopefully fined for his erratic driving. The extra calories that I consumed from the sweet box were taken care of by little extra rigorous walk in the evening. The guests left happy and though I was really tired, there was great contentment in being a good host and being appreciated for the food prepared by me.

Irrespective of what all happened during the day, at this point what matters is, that I woke up this beautiful morning with a smile, in my hubby’s arms.  We had those precious, silent ten minutes that we share every morning, while having tea before rushing for our respective crazy schedules.

What really counts is that my son gave me a nice hug the moment he returned from college and shared some amazing experiences he had during the whole day. What matters is that he could read my face and knew something was bothering me and in his usual, pampering way told me , "take a chill pill, Mom!"  

What counts is, despite all the “irritants’ faced during the day, I enjoyed reading, watched my favourite programme on Discovery channel, walk for one hour and feel great about it!

What matters is, that I had a brief but stimulating conversation with a perfect stranger while heading for a meeting.

On this hot day, while waiting for my car to arrive, a few Champa flowers fell near me showering its magical fragrance, perhaps an indication from God that in spite of all the things that were creating stress, he was there looking after me!

Now, when I look back, I realize, I felt loved, wanted and deeply cared for so many times during the day. Then why that unnecessary stress ? Maybe I did not meet any deadline or achieve anything “great” but I had some amazingly significant moments and if I were to remember this day, only those moments would really matter.

Life is not fair sometimes and I have no control over how other people will behave or some situations will unfold.  All I can do is be wise in the way I look at things and respond with maturity and understanding. Honestly, at the end of the day, no situation or people no matter how hard are worth losing my peace of mind. It is time to take life head on, without losing balance. I have realized, each moment is too precious and short to waste on events/people that don't matter. And I know that remembering this and implementing it is going to be a continuous process. 

Its high time I take a chill pill!  

Summer is back ! Phew !

Yeah, summer in Mumbai is back with temperature peaking like never before and so is the compulsive habit of everyone fuming and fretting in unison over it. It is that time of the year when every conversation; even the brief one with perfect strangers is incomplete without mentioning how worst is yet to come from the dreadful months ahead. Like a true Mumbaikar, I too am obsessed with the heat and humidity and freak every time I need to go out.

Interestingly, Nature has subtly changed around me and I am ashamed to admit that I am guilty of not having noticed the beautiful change, till a leisurely walk in my terrace last evening. The reminder of summer blooms from the garden brought a pleasant surprise! Mangoes, jack fruits, badams, tender coconuts are flourishing on every branch and the sight is sheer delight. The evening walks on the terrace are going to be great fun with fragrance of Mango flowers bursting and tempting me to pluck raw Mangoes that are so easily reachable from the terrace.  

About few days from now, the gardener would knock at our door every week and deliver fresh, tender coconuts, neatly cut jack fruits, badams and mangoes.  It is our summer party time that lasts the whole season and wins me some brownie points from family and friends for sending them home grown fresh fruits J

I sometimes miss the simplicity of life that went by. Unlike the childhood, now summer is perceived in completely different way. The hype around summer precedes the scorching heat declaring arrival of the season. Suddenly, everything around is buzzing with summer camps, summer holidays, summer special hobbies, summer fashion, summer jobs, summer workouts, summer diets and endless blah around it!  

For me, summer was/still is about loads of fun and frolic, holidays, doing so many things that I don't get to do leisurely or/and doing absolutely nothing and be lazy. Summer means family gatherings with more of life and living than doing. Summer means life less complicated, spending the season without being spent. Summer for me means quenching thirst with cold water from earthen pot, having endless glasses of lemon water, lassi, sherbat and Aam- Panha freshly made at home. Summer for me means, watching kids lust for ice slush/ice cream, playing endlessly, enjoying life at languid pace without having to worry about homework and study. 

Summer for me means, being completely at peace on a hot afternoon in cool environs of Vetiver roots curtains (no air-conditioners can match this experience!), immersed with heady concoction of fragrance of fresh blooms of Jasmine and Mogra flowers from the garden. 

Yeah, summer is back with its cruel, scorching heat but there is lot to bask in this harsh season.  The palette of the season has changed the canvas that brings new energy, force, vigour in form of bright colours strewn everywhere and little piece of heaven wafts through in splash of colours bringing a welcome respite! There is lot to learn, enjoy, live if I just stop cribbing about the heat and focus on sheer delights of its rugged beauty. 

"To find the universal elements enough; to find the air and the water exhilarating; to be refreshed by a morning walk or an evening saunter; to be thrilled by the stars at night: to be elated over a bird's nest or a wild flower in spring... these are some of the rewards of the simple life." (John Burroughs)